“Just let me love you.”
Such a simple request and yet, it was so damn hard. Loving him and letting him love me wasn’t the issue. My fears were the issue. India had seen a death of someone close to me. I was afraid the secret he held so close was that he knew he was going to die. That I was going to lose him.
He fell asleep in my arms and I couldn’t stay. For the first time in a long time, I ran from him. Dressing quickly, I made a straight shot for the pond.
Emotions rolled through me, fear and love, grief and confusion. Why was I so certain that it was Liam India had referred to?
I didn’t want to answer my own question, though I knew the answer all too well.
Pamela found me, but she said nothing. She just stepped beside me and stared into the dreary night with me.
She shivered and I handed her my coat. “Here. I’m too hot anyway.” That was the truth; I was sweating profusely, a flush of heat I couldn’t seem to escape even now that I was outside.
“Rylee, do you remember when Giselle said the darkness would make a bid for me?” Pamela’s voice was soft and uncertain and my problems were swept away.
“Yes, I do.”
“What if I’m not strong enough to hold out?”
Shit, I wasn’t the only one facing fears and staring down the inevitable. Some days it was far too easy to forget that.
“Pamela.” I slid an arm over her shoulders and tucked her tight against me. “You will hold out. Because you don’t give in, and you don’t give up. Giselle warned you so you would be prepared, not scared.”
Of that, I had no doubt. I didn’t worry about Pamela switching sides. If it had been Milly I’d been talking to, that would be a totally different conversation. But not Pamela.
“How can you know for sure?”
I turned her to face me, looking straight into her eyes. “Because I know you, and I know your heart. You faced down a dragon to protect me; you’ve faced down enemies that would make grown men weep with fear, all for protecting those you love. You can’t corrupt that, it’s too pure.”
A tear slipped down her face. “I don’t ever want to lose my family, you all mean too much to me.”
That I understood all too well. When you loved people, you had something to lose. I hugged her tight and she clung to me as soft sobs rippled through her. “It will turn out in the end, Pam, it always does. Maybe not how we envisioned, but it always turns out. And if it isn’t okay, if something is still not good, then it isn’t the end.”
She sniffled and pulled away from me. “Okay.”
“You feel better now?”
A smile briefly touched her lips. “Yes, I do.”
“Then go get some sleep. It’ll be dawn soon.”
She handed me back my jacket and I slid it on, my own fears and worries buried for the moment under hers.
But with her gone, they came back full force.
Love made people strong, but it also gave their enemies leverage. That was what I was afraid of more than anything else. I knew I needed to hang onto the love in order to face the demons; I had to put away my anger and fear. But it was so fucking hard.
Orion knew my weakness; hell, he had already exploited it. He would tear those I loved from me, torture and kill them. My own pain, my own death I could deal with. But not those I loved.
Taking my own advice to Pamela, I headed back inside. Being exhausted wouldn’t help me face down Orion.
Liam was awake when I got back to the room, and he gave me a tired smile. “Have a good walk?”
I shrugged and he crooked a finger at me. With his help (not that I needed it), I slid out of my clothes.
The tang of my tight muscles under the insistence of his strong fingers kept my mind from dwelling on anything too serious. Or so I thought, until the words poured out of me.
“Orion saved my life, killed the entire coven to keep me safe. Because he wants something I have.”
Liam’s fingers faltered, then started up again. “He won’t take you. I won’t let him.”
I smiled to myself at his confidence, but the smile slipped as I spoke. “I know. But what the hell could I have that he wants enough to keep me alive? I’m the only threat to him not succeeding with his stupid-ass plan to take the world for his own. It doesn’t make sense.”
It hit me like a ton of troll turds. Zane. Of course, Orion knew I had the boy, had him in hiding.
Liam turned me around to face him. “We need to sleep now. If nothing else, you need to rest. For a few hours at least.”
I stared at him, saw the fear in his eyes and knew he thought he knew what Orion wanted.
“You’ll tell me what you’re thinking, won’t you?”
He kissed me softly. “Soon. Not yet, but soon.”