My phone buzzes and I excuse myself to look at it. I lie that I’m waiting to hear from Regina about a call. But I’m stalling. Waiting for a sign on what the right decision is at the last minute of my self-imposed deadline.
I can’t stop thinking about you. Nico. My pulse quickens and I feel my palms start to sweat. I finally realize that all the lists I’ve made didn’t help me decide because they’ve been about William and the problem isn’t with William. It’s me. I don’t feel what I should feel about him, no matter how hard I want to.
I set my phone aside and don’t respond to the text. William reaches for my hand and I pull it back. I force my eyes from the table and look up at William. He sees what I’m thinking in my face. He’s a good attorney, knows how to read people, especially me. I finally stop stalling and make my decision. Even if Nico isn’t the one for me, William isn’t either and I’m not being fair to him.
Twenty minutes later I’m back in my car. Of course William was a perfect gentleman about it when I told him I couldn’t see him anymore. I’m not sure if it just didn’t upset him or if he’s good at covering his emotions. Either way, I’m wearing mine on my sleeve tonight. I’m going to put myself out there emotionally for the first time in ages. I’m scared, but excited at the same time.
In my car, I take out my phone to respond to Nico, but then put it away and decide to take a leap of faith. The restaurant is only ten minutes from Nico’s place. I drive with my head in a cloud, thinking about what I will say when I get there. He can’t stop thinking about me. I can’t stop thinking about him. Where it will take me I’m unsure, but maybe I can really give it a try. It’s the first time I even want to try.
I’m happy and excited the whole drive to his place. But when I arrive, I’m suddenly nervous. I think about sitting in my car for a few minutes and regaining my composure, but I know I’m stalling and if I give myself time to overthink it I’ll probably leave. I’m doing this. I walk briskly to the door and ring the bell and wait. Long minutes pass and I’m just about to turn around and chicken out when the door opens.
“Did you forget your key?” Nico is buttoning the top of his pants as he speaks and doesn’t look up right away. His hair is wet and he has no shirt or shoes on. I’m silent and I don’t move. My feet are stuck to the ground as I take in his naked chest for the first time.
“Elle?” Nico looks up and finds me standing there instead of whoever he was expecting.
I open my mouth to begin to speak, but a voice from behind me takes me by surprise. A woman’s voice. “Hey.” I turn. She’s beautiful. The woman standing behind me is smiling and beautiful. My chest tightens and I feel a huge knot in my throat. Then she turns to Nico. “You going to just stand there, or are you going to be a gentleman and take the packages so I don’t drop one?”
Nico takes the bags and the woman turns to me. “Sometimes you have to hit this one over the head to get him to snap out of it.” She smiles and tilts her head to the side, assessing me. “I’m Lily.”
Nausea overwhelms me. I didn’t stop to think that Nico might have company when I decided to drop by unannounced. I smile apologetically to the woman who is still smiling at me. Oddly, she doesn’t seem bothered that a woman is standing at his door as she arrives with groceries in her arms.
Feeling the wind knocked out of me, I respond as loud as I can, but it still comes out as little more than a whisper. “I’m sorry. I should have called first.” I look at Nico and then to Lily and quickly turn to go. I’m embarrassed and I want to run home and throw up in privacy.
Before I can take my first step, Nico grabs my arm. “Elle, wait. Don’t go.” He looks confused. I want to shrink down and crawl in a hole somewhere.
“Elle?” The woman asks and I must look at her as confused as Nico is looking at me.
I look back at Nico, at his hold on my arm, and back up to his face. “Really, it’s fine. I should have called. I’m sorry I interrupted.” I look at Lily apologetically and then back at Nico.
Something passes over Nico’s face. A look of understanding and he smiles at me. There’s a glint in his eye and he looks amused. Suddenly, my embarrassment turns to pissed that he hasn’t released my arm and he finds my uncomfortableness amusing.
“Elle.” Nico waits until I look up at him and he has my full attention before he continues. “This is my sister-in-law Lily. She was just dropping something off.” He turns to Lily to speak. “Goodbye, Lily.”