Mia felt herself shaking apart at that one word. She’d never heard Savannah say that to her. They hadn’t had the time. She bit her lip, felt Nick’s solid strength beside her.
“She’s well,” the woman said quickly. “The doctor says she’s growing, and she’s good, too. Almost always happy, except when she doesn’t want to take a nap.”
Mia could only nod. She touched Savannah’s hair again, her cheek, ran her palm over her small back. She wanted to snatch her away, to scream She’s mine, to sing to her back in the room she’d dreamed in as an infant. A room she didn’t even remember now but, for Mia, was all that was left.
Nick eased her hand away, held it in his. That was good, because she never would have been able to stop touching Savannah on her own.
“Tell her I…Tell her I loved her. Please.” I still love her.
With tears in her bright-blue eyes, the woman nodded. “I will. I’ll tell her.”
Mia took another long look, drank her in, knowing it would be the last time.
“Nick.” Her voice trembled. She couldn’t make her feet move.
“Thank you,” Nick said, his voice strong like the arm around her waist.
Nick led her away, down the cracked sidewalk, on shaky legs. She didn’t look back. Her chest was on fire. She couldn’t swallow past the knot of unshed tears in her throat. The second the car doors were closed, she fell apart in his arms.
Nick cupped the back of her neck and drew her close until their foreheads touched. “Breathe with me.” She sucked in a ragged breath, her chest heaving with the effort to gain control.
She cried until the arms that clung to him fell away in exhaustion, until her chest ached and her throat burned. “I’m okay,” she whispered hoarsely. He hesitated to release her, and she appreciated it, but she was done. Spent. “I’m okay. Let’s go. I want to go.”
“Okay, baby.”
When they merged onto the highway, she put her window all the way down. She laid her head on the edge and imagined the harsh wind blowing it all away.
* * *
NICK HAD ALREADY ARRANGED for the rental company to retrieve her car, so he kept driving right out of town, putting time and distance between Mia’s heartache. She didn’t fill the small space with her presence like she had a few weeks ago. Like seeing Savannah had drained her.
He would fill her. If she gave him half a chance, he would spend the rest of his life filling her up.
She didn’t say anything, and neither did he until they stopped for gas an hour later. She sat perfectly still, dry eyed, with her hands in her lap. He paid for the gas and handed her a Coke, figuring she could use the sugar.
“She’s happy,” she said, looking at him for the first time. “Didn’t you think so?”
“Yes.” He took one of her hands, brought it to his lips, and kissed her knuckles, holding her cold skin to his lips. His heart had broken right along with hers, seeing the child staring back unknowing and the tears drenching Mia’s face.
“Yes,” she repeated softly. “It’s good that she’s happy.”
They drove another two hours to a resort hotel in Arkansas.
“We’re stopping here? I thought you’d need to get back.”
“Nah. No hurry.”
“Wait. My car.”
“I arranged for it to be brought back to Virginia. Don’t worry.” They drove up a steep driveway to the hotel. “This looks nice, huh?” He’d checked it out the day before on his phone while she slept. A popular hotel with old stone on the outside and suites with fireplaces within. They checked in and went up to their room. It lived up to all the pictures.
Hours later, Nick sat on the bed in jeans and a T-shirt. He leaned back against the headboard, his legs stretched out on the covers while he pretended to watch TV. Mia lay beside him. She hadn’t cried again; she was just quiet. Really quiet. Saying no more than “okay” and “no thanks.”
He looked down at her head pillowed on his thigh. He’d been running his fingers slowly through her hair. It was all he could do.
He knew a part of her had hoped to rescue the child from a bad situation, anything so she didn’t have to leave her there. He hadn’t been able to do anything then, either, nothing but hold her hand.
“I’m okay,” she said softly. “I’ll be okay now. I got what I needed.”
“Did you?”
“Yes.” She shifted away and moved her head to her own pillow. “I’m just tired.”
And emotionally strung out. He got it. He stood and pulled the curtains closed before muting the TV and crawling under the covers beside her. He propped himself up against a pillow and drew her into him until she rested her head on his chest.