Worth the Wait (McKinney_Walker #1)(71)

“I don’t know. It doesn’t really matter. My secretary’s sister works with a rescue group. If that doesn’t work out, I’ll go to the animal shelter.”

“Lot of good dogs at the shelter.”

“Yeah.”

“Hannah’s been making noise about getting me a dog.”

“She worries about you. Maybe as much as you worry about her.” She knew he didn’t know what to do with a comment like that, so he said nothing, and they rode another few minutes in silence.

He looked over when they stopped at a light. “Was it bad for you? Being there with Abby? Stupid question.” He shook his head and stared straight ahead. “Of course it was bad.” Without looking at her, he reached over and took her hand, twined his fingers through hers. “She was lucky you were there.”

“I don’t know how much help I was,” she said as her pulse kicked up with the simple contact. His touch set her on fire at the same time it made her feel safe. She stared at their joined hands and thought, Dear God, I’m in love with his hands.

“I’m sure you were a huge help.” He looked back at the street in front of him. “You were a great doctor.”

“Thanks.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Not really.” She looked out her window. “Maybe sometimes. I could have used the distraction after we…” Whatever they’d done. Broke up. Ended. Imploded.

“I really could have used it this past year.” She half laughed, though there was absolutely no humor in it. With their fingers still joined, she leaned away from him and rested her head against the glass. “The emergencies, the decisions, so consuming it’s almost impossible to think of anything outside of what you’re doing. I love what I do now. I still feel like I make a difference, but it doesn’t consume the mind quite like the ER. There’s not the opportunity to work twenty-four seven if that’s what you need.”

“Is it what you need?”

She stared out the window. “Sometimes.”

He tugged her back over and brought their joined hands to his lips. The warmth spread through her. “What can I do to help you?”

“I don’t know.” That was the truth.

“I can try to get you some information if you want.”

“I’m not even sure I want it. I’m not sure it will help. I don’t know what I’d do with it.” She sighed and rolled her forehead against the cool glass. “I don’t know what to do or what I feel.” She’d spent the past weeks trying to get a handle on herself. She couldn’t be afraid Nick wasn’t moving forward when she wasn’t, either.

They reached the lot where she’d parked her car, and he pulled up beside it. They sat there for a minute, neither speaking. There were words and there were silences. They’d had both. Good and bad. This was one of the good ones.

She got out, and he came around, effectively capturing her between his body and her car. Downtown was quiet. The shops were all closed for the night. Only a hip restaurant was still open, and the faint sound of live music floated out every time the door opened.

She stared at the ground, at the toes of Nick’s boots, which were incredibly sexy with his khakis and dress shirt. Nick was sexy in anything, always. He was a beautiful man, but sexy, she thought, had more to do with the way a man carried himself, the vibe he gave off. Nick vibrated with it. He always had.

She looked up to meet his eyes. They were lethal and staring hard into her own.

“Do you blame me? For the baby? Our baby?”

“What? No.” She shook her head. “Nick.” She cupped his lightly stubbled cheeks in her hands. “I don’t. I’m sad. I was sad, but no.”

“I wasn’t there for you. If you think that would happen again, if that’s what you’re afraid of… I wasn’t the man you needed then—”

“Stop. Nick. Don’t.” She held his face like he so often did hers, making him see her. “Don’t. We have to stop looking back.”

He covered her hands with his and closed his eyes for a moment. “You asked me if there had been something else before Hannah was taken.”

He paused and looked at her so long her heart sank. There had been something else. When he smoothed one hand down her hair so gently, she almost cried out. Almost told him not to tell her.

“I had the ring.”

“What?”

“I had the ring. I bought it that very day.”

“Oh, my God,” she whispered, trying to absorb the meaning of his words.

“Yeah. Does that answer your question?”

“You were going to ask me to marry you, and I was going to tell you I was pregnant.” She closed her eyes, locked her knees because she felt them want to give. “I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.” She fell against his chest, once again feeling the harsh winds of fate that had battered them. “We were so close, weren’t we? So, so close.”