Worth the Wait (McKinney_Walker #1)(40)

He never let himself think it, gritted his teeth against the thought when it tried to slither in. She wasn’t gone. He would find her. He would and did use every resource at his disposal, and he wouldn’t stop. They could fire him, ban him from the building, from the case.

He was a driven, dying man. Every second an eternity in hell. He knew ninety-four percent of recovered children were found within seventy-two hours. That left only six percent after that. And he knew more deadly facts. That seventy-four percent of those found dead had been killed in the first three hours after being taken. Ninety-one percent in the first twenty-four hours.

But there was no sign of foul play with Hannah. No one saw anything. No one heard anything. No blood. No struggle. And not a single sign of Hannah. No backpack, no book or paper she might have been carrying. Not a single hair. She was just gone.

And then she was found, alive. And he found himself in a new kind of hell.





* * *





PIECES OF NICK DIED every day, every minute. And then Hannah was found, and she was so broken and so lost, Mia figured he died the rest of the way. Functioning, working, tending to Hannah as best he could, but still dying on the inside where no one could see. Except her. With her, he didn’t even try to hide it.

Mia took a leave of absence from the hospital after Hannah was found, and she never went back. The blood, the scalpel…she just couldn’t do it anymore. Didn’t know if she’d ever be able to and it didn’t even matter. Hannah needed her. Nick needed her, even if he didn’t know he did or didn’t want to.

There were early moments when Hannah was still undergoing surgeries that he’d let her hold his hand, rub his back. Even gave her a tight smile when she brought him stale hospital coffee. But as the months turned into a year, they didn’t even have that anymore.

Nick had two roles: gently coaxing Hannah back to life and pouring himself into his work. She figured the latter was to take his mind off the former. There was nothing left over for her. She understood, but she wished she could do that, give him some measure of peace. For whatever reason, she couldn’t, didn’t. She didn’t equal peace for him anymore.

When Hannah was in the room, Nick was soft as a bird. And when she wasn’t, he couldn’t contain the anger as surely as a switch had been flipped. He snapped at everything. The coffee was cold; the house was too hot. Maybe she was too close. They were like a father and a mother who only reminded each other of the pain their child was going through. There didn’t seem to be anything between them other than Hannah. Did she eat? Did she speak? How was physical therapy? What did the doctor say? That was it for days and weeks and months. They existed.

After more than a year, she mentioned cautiously that maybe they should get away, just for one night, not even twenty-four hours, as much for him as for the two of them. Nick’s response had been a wry laugh. When she pushed, he looked at her with utter disbelief that she could even consider it.

“Maybe just for dinner and a night away at a hotel. Zach’s great with her. He could get her breakfast and—”

“Are you kidding me? Zach can’t even take care of himself!”

She knew Nick took responsibility and always had, that it had fallen to him, but she was surprised to hear his mistrust of his brother. Not as much as Zach, who stood in the open doorway looking shocked. No, stricken.

“Zach,” she said softly, ready to smooth things over. But Zach just turned and left, leaving her and Nick in the ever-growing silence between them.

“That wasn’t fair, Nick.”

“Don’t tell me about fair. None of this is fair.” He ran his hands over his face, tears in his eyes. It was the most emotion she’d seen in months.

She went to him, wrapped her arms around him, seeing the pain and guilt had etched lines in his handsome face. Several seconds passed before his arms finally came around her, crushing her against him as he once had. Her heart soared, the tension eased as she relaxed in his arms. It had been so long since Nick held her, she almost cried. He drew in a sharp breath, and she could feel his emotions gathering like a storm. But then, as always, he shut it down.

“I have to go.” He dropped his arms way too soon, and when she held, he gently took her hands from around his back and stepped away.

She sighed, her pain and frustration louder tonight.

“What? Now you have a problem with my job?”

“No.” She shook her head. “No.” She wouldn’t add to what was already so tenuous. She knew he was hanging by a thread, but still, it felt like more, and that’s what scared her. That’s what she thought about as she watched him leave, when she lay in bed at night, alone. That maybe the more was that he didn’t love her anymore.