Vivi closed her eyes and inhaled slowly. Tears threatened to form behind Cat’s eyes, but she blinked them into submission.
Vivi opened her eyes, placed her hands in her lap, and looked solemnly at Cat. “But not entirely zero? Could you freeze eggs and do IVF later?”
“The recommended course would be to use a donor egg. It’s complicated and overwhelming to think about. Pointless, really, considering I’m not even in love and planning a family.”
“Premature, maybe, but not pointless,” Vivi began cautiously. “This diagnosis doesn’t mean you can’t have kids, Cat. There are plenty of ways to build a family. And science is always making advances. Why not preserve all your options?”
“No, V. I’ve had time to think about it from every angle. I might feel differently if I were in a serious relationship. But I’m alone, and I don’t want to chase pipe dreams. That’s a recipe for ongoing heartbreak. It hurts less to simply accept this future.”
“You’ve known for a while?” Vivi cried. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I wanted to celebrate your wedding without you feeling sorry for me or feeling guilty about being happy.” Vivi’s helpless expression triggered another wave of tears. Cat dabbed at her eyes. “Please, Vivi. Not everyone needs marriage and kids to be happy. But now you see why someone as family oriented as Hank isn’t the guy for me.”
“Hank doesn’t strike me as a guy who’d leave a woman he loved because she couldn’t have children.”
“Well, we’ll never find out. After the lifetime he’s spent sacrificing for others, I’m sure not going to be the one to ask him to give up something so fundamental.” Cat toyed with her fork. “Honestly, I can’t imagine asking any man to do that. I’d feel like I robbed him of something sacred, and I’d always wonder if he regretted it.”
“I don’t know what to say to that, except I disagree. A man who loves you will feel blessed to be with you, not robbed of anything. Many, many women face this situation, and most of them find good men and have happy families. Don’t be a martyr or avoid the chance of love out of fear.” Vivi reached both hands across the table and grabbed Cat’s.
“I bet most other women in my shoes were probably in serious relationships before they discovered they couldn’t have kids. That’s different from knowing in advance. Now I’ll have to decide when to spring the news on a new boyfriend—right away, after the first ‘I love yous,’ when a ring is offered?” Cat sighed, weary from riding the tides of emotion. “A no-strings policy suits my St. James nature. It gives me all the benefits of a relationship while avoiding any awkwardness and disappointment.”
Cat withdrew, intending her tone to shut down the discussion in the hopes her churning stomach would settle. It had been difficult enough to share her diagnosis, let alone having to defend her feelings or, God forbid, consider sharing them with others. This was her pain. Regardless of what other people said or thought, Cat sure as hell had the right to her own feelings about her situation. About her loss. She alone would fashion a life around it.
Vivi, however, ignored the warning and issued one of her own.
“I doubt you can avoid heartache by isolating yourself.” She shot Cat an arch look. “And by the way, your plan leaves out the most important benefit of any relationship—love.”
Cat welcomed the interruption of the delivery of their lunches. Vivi scrutinized her quinoa concoction with a skeptical eye while Cat stabbed at her vegetables.
Love. Ha! Can’t miss something I never had. On the other hand, she might as well engage in a fun fling with Hank. It was risky, but that kiss was pretty convincing. Surely if they set ground rules, sex wouldn’t hurt their business relationship. As for all the rest of it, there’d be plenty of time to worry about that later.
Reassured by her own conclusion, she looked at Vivi and changed the subject. “Speaking of love, what’s up with you and my dear brother?”
Hank walked into the Caine’s entry at seven in the morning, chugging the rest of the coffee in his thermos.
“You need to recut that, Doug.” Hank pointed at the two sections of crown molding. “They aren’t perfectly aligned.”
“No one but you would notice.” With a huff, Doug crossed his arms. “The home owners aren’t going to climb up on ladders or pull out measuring tapes over a millimeter.”
Hank shook his head. Doug, who looked to be in his early twenties, was a bit too lazy for Hank’s taste. Jackson had impulsively hired two extra crewmen, then stuck Hank with honing Doug’s work to meet his standards.