With another box filled, she picked up the tape and turned on the TV to drown out the silence. The cabin she loved felt depressingly empty.
No different really than it had always been, but she’d quickly grown used to the sounds of someone else moving about. Not just anyone. Stephen’s scent, the sound of him in the kitchen, his heavy footfalls across the floor. The dip in the mattress and the warmth from his big body curled around hers.
She wouldn’t be here much longer. Soon she’d be somewhere new, without memories of Stephen. She taped the box shut, wishing it were that easy to box up her feelings.
She decided she was finished for the day and rewarded herself with a long hot shower. She no longer closed her eyes or waited for the steam to blur her image in the mirror. She could look at herself and see beauty and survival instead of the ugliness of a nightmare. Whatever else had happened, Stephen had given her that.
—
Stephen looked out the window of Matt’s office thinking of the last time he’d stood here, watching Hannah arrive at Gracie’s party. How surprised he’d been, how relieved. He should have known then that the clenching in his gut was more than just desire.
“When are you going to ask about Hannah?”
He turned to face his brother, realizing now that’s why he’d come. “I don’t know what to ask.”
“I’ve seen her. Once. Took Gracie out to say goodbye to Hazel. She cried.” A smile pulled at Matt’s lips. “Gracie. Not Hazel.”
“You should buy the girl a pony.”
“Maybe I will.”
“And Hannah?” Had she cried?
“Hannah was quiet, looked tired.”
“I guess she wouldn’t be happy, giving up her horses. I tried to give some money to Nick, but…”
“I offered too. To board them somewhere nearby, but she wouldn’t hear of it.” Matt shrugged. “She wants to take care of it on her own. Maybe she needs to. But, I don’t think that’s the only reason she wasn’t happy.”
Stephen just shook his head. Did he really want to hear that she was unhappy? That he might be the cause of it? Would it change anything?
“Why are you so afraid to love her?”
“I’m not.” He was afraid to ask her to love him.
“I think you are. I think you’re terrified of loving to the point you’re brought to your knees, to the point you risk it all.”
No. That wasn’t it. He was terrified of Hannah seeing something inside him she couldn’t accept and that would kill him. “Hannah was tortured by a monster and—”
“And don’t you think that after everything she’s been through, if she was willing to take the risk, then you should too?”
“Not if she doesn’t know what she’s taking a risk on.”
“That’s so much bullshit, Stephen. What’s the risk? That you’ll kill someone? Is that what you think of now? What’s the first thought that comes to your head if I told you someone had hurt Hannah?”
Get to her. Protect her. Wrap her up and cover her. Even knowing what he knew about Dave now—knowing what he’d done, or paid someone to do, could have killed her—his thoughts were still more about Hannah than about revenge.
“If someone killed Abby I can say with absolute certainty that killing would be the least I would do. Does that make me evil or human?” Matt crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against his drafting table. “You’re not the same man you were. I think Hannah knows that. I think she knows you.” He waited a beat before speaking again. “She’ll find someone else.”
Stephen felt the knots in his stomach tighten. “Maybe she should.”
“Will they love her like you do?”
Before Stephen could answer screams and squeals accompanied the sound of little bare feet on hard wood. Mary, completely naked and faster than a kid her age should be, streaked between him and Matt. Charlie followed with a purple hooded towel over his head.
A second later Abby stuck her head in the doorway, looking beautiful but more tired than he’d ever seen her. Matt picked up Mary, holding her out in front of him, as she was a diaperless danger. “Looks like bath time could use some reinforcements. Come on, little man,” he said to Charlie. “Time for some battleship.” He kissed his wife’s lips as he passed.
“I’ll let you get to it,” Stephen said, patting Charlie’s head buried under the terry cloth, and let himself out.
He started up his truck but kept it in park, staring at the night sky. He rubbed a hand over his chest and just sat there, idling in his brother’s driveway. Will they love her like you do? No. That was impossible. He loved Hannah with every ounce of his soul. With everything he was. No one could love her like that.