She’d never craved a man’s touch or wanted desperately to touch him in return. There were a lot of things she hadn’t felt or wanted before Matt. Sensations and emotions that now threatened to overwhelm her, swamp and drown her.
The rough crashing of the waves followed by their peaceful retreat mirrored her life. People came and went. They rolled into your life, then left quietly. Sometimes without a word.
“Abby.”
His warm breath feathered over her hair and she shook her head. She didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to say goodbye.
“Abby.”
When Matt forced her to turn and face him she laid a shaking finger against his lips. “Don’t. There’s nothing to say.” And she couldn’t stand to hear that he’d miss her. That he’d always remember her. That he was sorry.
He had no reason to be sorry. With her ear pressed to his chest, she focused on the beat of his heart. The muscled arms wrapped around her like an impenetrable wall, his hand sliding up her back and under her hair until his fingers pressed into her scalp.
“Just tell me you feel it too.”
Tears threatened and she bit her lip against them. “I feel it.”
But she’d convinced herself a long time ago that she didn’t need more. That she didn’t want more, not enough to face the risk of losing it. Things were ending exactly when she’d known they would, but she’d been wrong about it not hurting.
—
Matt pulled back the covers and laid a sleeping Charlie in the bed. After taking off his dinner clothes, Matt slipped him into the SpongeBob T-shirt Abby had left on his pillow along with a Pull-Up. Charlie didn’t stir when Matt brushed aside his hair to check the stitches one last time. His days of having a toddler glued to his side were over.
A shirt and shorts lay on top of the dresser for the ride home tomorrow. Everything else was packed. Matt’s jaw clenched. He couldn’t even stand the idea of her packing the car by herself. How on earth was he going to feel when she was alone, too far away for him to get to her if she needed him?
And this was just the beginning.
He paused in the doorway and listened to the sounds he could have gotten used to: Abby’s voice over the sound of running water. A stool scraping across the tile floor. There was a muffled “I need to spit,” then a scream. Gotta move when someone spits, he thought with a stab of regret.
Gracie bounced out of the bathroom and caught him by the legs. He limped along, dragging his foot and the girl attached all the way to her bed. He shouldn’t get her riled up at bedtime, but he couldn’t resist flying her through the air and dropping her with a bounce. Because this was it, the last tuck in.
She settled back, growing uncharacteristically quiet, her big brown eyes searching his. He swept wayward curls from her cheek and tugged lightly on her ear, wiping away the serious face and replacing it with her dimpled grin. He forced himself to smile back even as her words echoed in his mind. I wish you were my daddy.
No. He couldn’t be her daddy, because she deserved a daddy who would be there to tuck in his little girl every night.
She sat up and hugged his neck.
“You’re queezing me,” she said when his arms came around her.
“Am I?” Matt paused to swallow past the lump in his throat. “Well, I shouldn’t squeeze a ladybug. She might fly right away.” He tucked her in tight and placed a kiss on her forehead before he completely lost it.
On the other side of the room, Annie didn’t say a word, just watched him with solemn hazel eyes.
Yeah. She knew. That’s why she’d kept her distance. Smart. Keep those instincts, baby girl. Matt slid one of her braids through his hand. “Good night, princess.” He clicked off the lamp and passed Abby on his way out.
He slumped onto the couch and rested his forearms on his knees, studying the various colors of the shag carpet. At the sound of shuffling feet, he glanced up. Jack stood in front of him, wearing his favorite Spider-Man pajamas, which were two sizes too small.
“Hey, bud. Ready for bed?”
Jack also studied the very interesting carpet. “Yeah.”
Damn, I’m going to miss this kid. “Remember what I told you?”
“Yeah. Ball close, head down.”
Matt reached out and ruffled his hair. “That’s right.” He smoothed it back into place and cupped the back of the boy’s head. “And look after your mom, okay?”
“Okay,” Jack said, back to carpet studying.
“You have my number, right?”
“Yeah.”
He’d made sure Jack put it in a special pocket of his suitcase before dinner. Just in case. “You can call me anytime. I’ll always answer.”