‘What a lovely mother of the bride you make,’ she gushed at Erin’s mother.
Personally I thought Erin’s mum looked ridiculous. Her hat was like a spaceship. ‘Did she land in that thing?’ I whispered to Heather. Every time she turned her head she almost knocked someone out.
My mother just couldn’t give up. ‘Though you hardly look old enough to be the mother of the bride.’
If my mother thought she was getting round Mrs Brodie with compliments she was wrong. But that didn’t stop my mum. ‘Such a lovely outfit. And look at our Erin! Isn’t she just lovely?’
Erin’s mum turned away with a tight smile. ‘Our Erin’ whispered to me, ‘You poor thing, Hannah. You must be so embarrassed.’
I knew what she meant. I felt like yelling at her. ‘Shut up, Mum!’ I wanted her away from here altogether.
When Avril arrived Mum was even worse. She shouted over everyone’s head, ‘She’s like a fairy-tale princess.’
Personally, I thought Avril looked more like a meringue. But I didn’t say. I ooh-ed and ah-ed with the rest of them, and was so glad my mum had to go off to work before the church ceremony. I only relaxed once she’d gone.
The rain held off until we were all on the bus taking the guests to the hotel on the river, where the reception was being held. Then it came down like a torrent. But the weather didn’t matter by that time. The photographs had been taken and everyone was in a mood to party.
There was champagne laid out in the hotel foyer on our arrival – unfortunately we were only allowed orange juice. We clocked right away to see if there would be any boys there, but Erin had already warned us that, apart from her brother’s friends, she only had two spotty male cousins, and if the groom was anything to go by, his family had only just learnt how to walk upright.
‘Straight out of the trees,’ I said.
‘Trust you, Hannah!’ Heather giggled. ‘I’m ready for a laugh.’
‘We’re going to have a laugh … One a minute, OK?’ At that point Rose got herself locked in one of the toilets and had to be rescued, and we knew the night had begun.
We were given a table to ourselves at the meal. ‘Look who’s serving at the top table!’ I said. It was Lauren’s older sister. There was a distinct family resemblance. Lauren’s sister just looked cleaner. ‘She’s being so rude!’ You couldn’t help but notice the way she stared at people as they spoke to her. ‘If she looks at me like that I’ll punch her.’
‘Please,’ Heather said with a giggle. ‘No violence.’
Lauren’s sister, and everything else that might spoil our night, was soon forgotten. The meal was wonderful, and in between the starter and the main course, a haggis was piped in. We tasted each other’s food and declared everything more delicious than anything we had ever tasted before. We couldn’t stop giggling like idiots. Erin was stuck at the top table and kept waving at us and mouthing, ‘Wish I was there.’
I couldn’t blame her. The best man, sitting next to her, looked like he’d just been let out for the day from the local zoo. After the meal the speeches began and we sneaked off, deciding it would be more fun to be stuck in the toilets again. By the time we came out the tables had been cleared and pushed to the sides of the room and the band were setting up to play.
Erin’s mum came up to us and led us to a table. ‘You sit here, girls,’ she said. ‘I’m so glad you could all be here today. I wanted all Erin’s friends to be with her.’
Now that she’d taken off her massive hat she was left with a ring round her hair. She didn’t seem to care. She was on a high. ‘Now, you girls enjoy yourselves. Just ask when you want more orange juice.’
I shook my head. ‘If I drink any more orange juice I’ll turn orange myself. And that just doesn’t go with green.’
She giggled. ‘I’m going to send over a bowl of non-alcoholic punch to your table. How does that sound? But if you fancy anything else you can get it at the bar.’
‘Whisky, gin, vodka?’ I suggested.
It took her a moment to see I was only joking, then she laughed again. ‘What a girl you are, Hannah!’
‘She is so nice,’ Heather said as we watched her stagger off in her high heels to the next table.
‘My mum and her have started going to yoga together,’ Rose said.
‘I know. That’s the yoga class my mum goes to,’ Heather added.
‘I’ll have to get Mrs Driscoll to join them.’ I didn’t want to be left out. But we all knew that would never happen. Everyone avoided my mum like the plague. I could watch people cross to the other side of the street to avoid her. I understood that. If she hadn’t been my mother, I’d have done it too.