“I’m just watching the sunrise,” he said, looking out at the grim ocean.
“The sunrise is the other way, toward the mountains. Let’s go look at it together.”
“I’m just standing here.”
She had gentled hundreds of animals at the shelter, those mourning for owners who had dropped them off when it was no longer convenient to have a pet, skittish babies who had never been lifted off the ground before, and abused creatures whose last experience with humans had been vicious.
Cash was no different, except she had no idea what was going on with him.
She said, “I’m going to stand beside you.”
His shoulders shifted, a shrug.
She padded over and leaned her arms on the rail beside him, not touching, not grabbing. The sunrise painted the horizon pink all the way around the bowl of the sky, and the ocean scented the wind with salt and seaweed. “It’s a nice view.”
He nodded.
She let her arm drift closer, touched his elbow, and then threaded her hand through his arm. If he chose to jump, her grip wouldn’t stop him, but she was confident that he wouldn’t drag her with him.
If he wobbled, however, her arm might steady him.
He sighed and looked out at the ocean. A chilly sea breeze needled through Rox’s tee shirt and blew Cash’s hair back from his face.
“Something happen last night, afterward?” she asked.
“I was thinking.”
“Must have been some pretty serious thinking.”
“I’m fine.”
“Let’s go inside, okay?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Breakfast?”
“Sure.”
Once they were inside, Rox locked the doors, not that that would stop him. It might, however, make him pause, make him think.
In the kitchen, Cash sat at the breakfast bar while Rox started the coffee maker and watched it brew, plotting hard. The kitchen was a modernized version of the Spanish colonial decor of the rest of the house, black appliances and quartz countertops topping honey-colored wood cabinets. The brick-red Spanish tile was cool under her feet.
“It’s too chilly out there this morning for just jammies,” she said, handing him a cup.
“Yeah. Thanks.” He sipped the coffee, wincing at the heat.
“How long were you leaning over the railing like that?”
“Since I heard you coming.”
“And before that?”
Cash spooned sugar into his cup. “I had been sitting on the rail.”
Oh, God. “Why were you doing that?”
“I just found myself up there.”
“Were you thinking about jumping?”
He stirred his coffee. “After a moment, I thought about falling.”
“That’s the same thing.”
“No. Jumping means you choose to jump. Falling just happens.”
“Nothing just happens. You had to climb to get up on the railing.”
“I’d been up there for an hour.”
“Sweet baby Jesus, Cash. My butt would have been numb.”
He shrugged.
“Maybe I’m not the most sexually experienced person in the world, but my blow jobs have never driven someone to contemplate suicide before.”
He blinked, and the little shock of what she had said made him smile. “Last night was the best thing that has happened to me in years.”
“I doubt that. I know what your social schedule is like, big guy. So is tempting fate a normal part of your day?”
“No.”
“Then why this morning?”
Cash set his coffee cup very deliberately on the sparkling quartz countertop and turned the cup with his palms. “I’ve never been with a married woman before.”
“We didn’t go all the way. It was just a slip. It wasn’t important enough to get so upset over.”
“It was important to me.”
“How upset are you?”
He turned the cup in his hands. “Have you ever thought about—” he paused, “—falling?”
“Never.”
He looked up at her, his green eyes darkly serious. “That’s a strong response.”
“Suicide is a crime because it’s an act of violence on a whole family and community. It’s a bullet in the heart of everyone who loves them. The people who are left behind grieve for the murder victim and hate the murderer, but they’re both the same person, and you loved them. It’s unbearable.”
He was still watching her, evaluating her every twitch. “Who died?”
Rox swallowed a stinging gulp of coffee before she could answer. “My mother. I was eight. I found her.”
“How did she do it?”
“Shotgun.”
Cash winced and picked up his coffee again. “I’m sorry. That’s brutal.”