The blunt description of his new boss should have freaked him out. The long-familiar invisible fingers should be squeezing his chest and his stomach should be churning. Nolan frowned and looked down at his body. Nope, still not freaking out.
Huh. Weird. “That’s good to know.”
Nancy leaned back against her chair. “Any other questions?”
He picked up his contract, the last document she’d handed over to him. “So once I sign this I’m all set?”
“Yes. I know you need this job, and Compass really is a great company. If things don’t work out with this position, don’t quit. Even though we found a new hire for our team, there’s still room in the company, and I can find you a position somewhere. Please don’t let Zack scare you away. We’ll make this work. Okay?”
There was something about the way she spoke that made Nolan suspect he wasn’t the first person she’d said that to. “I don’t like to make promises I can’t keep, but I will do my best. If things don’t work out between me and Mr. Anderson, I’ll at least do you the courtesy of letting you know as quickly as I can.”
Her shoulders relaxed. “That’s all I can ask.”
This was it. Nolan could either set the contract down and walk away—and if he did, he had the impression Nancy wouldn’t think any less of him—or he could sign it knowing exactly how difficult his boss would be. “Do you have a pen?”
Nancy grinned as she rescued her pen from beneath the papers. “I’m so glad. I get the feeling you and I will get along wonderfully.”
“Of that I have no doubt.” He finished signing with a little flourish. “There. All done but the crying.” He looked up wide-eyed. “I’m allowed to cry, right? Birthdays, babies, retirements? I become an emotional mess when it comes to those things, and I’m secure enough in my masculinity to show it.”
“That’ll be nice for a change. Janice is a robot, I swear. The woman barely smiles!”
“No robots here. I’m even up for sappy movies at the drop of a hat.”
Nancy rocked her mug between her hands, a smile still tugging at her lips. “May I ask you a personal question? Off the record and in no way going to impact your position.”
Those questions rarely went well. “About?”
When she started to blush he realized what she was going to ask before the words came out of her mouth. “Are you gay?”
“I am.” He smiled and wanted to laugh at the cute look of disappointment on her face. “Is that a problem, or did I burst a bubble?”
She rolled her eyes, but smiled nonetheless. “No, not a problem and maybe a small bubble.” She held up her thumb and forefinger. “About this big.”
“Sorry about that. Knew I was gay from about eight on, when I dreamed about watching Disney films and wanting to be the one to kiss the prince. But I’d love to officially court you as my work wife. I was always jealous of some coworkers at my last company who had that sort of relationship.”
“You’d have to bring me flowers.” Her smile widened into a grin. “And I know this excellent bakery that makes the best cupcakes. More than happy to offer comfort and bribes with them.”
“See, I knew we’d be a good match. You can help calm me down when I get in a frenzy.”
Nancy’s smile slipped. “That’s twice you’ve mentioned panic. Is that really a big issue for you?”
Shit, he hadn’t intended to let people know about his challenges for fear of it counting against him in the interview process. While he and Nancy clearly had a good rapport, she was still bound to Compass in a professional capacity.
“Hey.” She covered his hand with hers. “I promise it’s not an issue. I just want to make sure that if you need help, I do the right thing. I have a sister who worked through some tough anxiety when she was a teen. It can be brutal, and I know everyone is a bit different.”
The knot in his shoulders relaxed slightly. “My sister has helped me quite a bit too since my accident.”
He could go into a long explanation of what had happened. He could talk about the screams that had filled the car as he’d lost control, sending him and his passengers into the ditch. But that wasn’t information that would help Nancy. If anything, it would scare the shit out of her.
The silence stretched on, and Nancy squirmed in her seat. “I’m sorry. You don’t have to say anything.”
“It’s not that.” Despite his therapist encouraging him to talk to people about what had happened, he hadn’t said much to anyone outside of family. He shook his head and let his gaze wander. “They told me that what I experience is closer to PTSD than anxiety. The results are the same though. I get overwhelmed, panicked. Breathing can become difficult, and I passed out once. That was a year ago and the reason I left my job in training. I just couldn’t . . .”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thanks. If anything happens, I normally just need to know that someone is there. I’m usually okay with a gentle touch, but not anything else. And I need a quiet spot. No gawkers wondering who the freak is.”
“You’re not a freak. If anything, I get the impression you’re a much stronger man than most people realize.”
Nolan swallowed down the unexpected tightness in his throat. “You’re not supposed to make me cry before I’ve even officially started work.”
“Well then I owe you a cupcake.”
“I look forward to it.”
Maybe working at Compass wasn’t going to be as terrifying as he’d initially thought.
Going through a serious health scare, like what had resulted from his accident, had made it difficult for Nolan to see past the end of his nose. Nothing planned six months to a year in the future mattered if you couldn’t get to the bathroom in the next five minutes because your leg was crippled. Signing a contract, going over insurance details, discussing vacation time, had reminded Nolan that he wasn’t stuck in the short term anymore; the realization was equal parts liberating and terrifying. He’d gone home after his meeting with Nancy and proceeded to get himself organized for his first day on the job. Having everything ready to go made Monday morning that much easier.
His conversation with Nancy had given him a sense of rightness that had been missing from his life for a while now. It was refreshing to talk to someone who didn’t treat him with kid gloves the entire time. Maybe working with Mr. Anderson would be the change he needed: someone who wouldn’t walk on egg shells, who would crack the whip if he was starting to slack.
As long as Nolan didn’t fall apart, everything would be good.
Nancy was waiting for him at the security desk when he arrived, a chocolate cupcake in hand. “Good morning.” She set the treat on top of a security access card and handed it to him. “I try to keep my promises.”
“We are going to have a great working relationship.” He took a bite and moaned. “I love you. Marry me.”
“Of course. So, are you ready for this?”
No. Not even a little. “I can’t wait to get started.”
“You need to work on your lying skills.”
“I’ll add that to my training plan.”
She laughed as she led him toward the elevators. “Okay, let me give you the quick rundown. Mr. Anderson is normally here early and stays late. Yes, you will need to stay a bit later some days, but don’t let him ruin your life. If he’s determined to stay and you need to leave, just go. I know he wanted you to come to his office this morning, but later today you’ll also need to do the normal HR stuff. Orientation, health and safety training. The usual.”
Nolan’s head began to pound in time with the rhythm of her words. “Sounds good.”
It didn’t. Being subjected to the inevitable viewing of HR videos and presentations would have him oscillating between boredom and panic over screwing something up. Neither was a pleasant prospect.
The elevator doors whooshed open, presenting him with the sight of a long corridor. A tall glass wall lined the far end from where they stood. Nancy pointed at the doors as she held the elevator open. “That’s your new office. You’ll find everything you need at the desk. Mr. Anderson will be in his office through to the right.”
“Wait, you’re not coming with me?” He was a grown man and didn’t need to have his hand held, and yet the idea of facing the dragon on his own was terrifying. “But I thought we had a deal? We’re married and stuff.”
“That is probably why I’m still single. Plus, I have another meeting.” Her gaze slid away from his. “I better get going or else I’m going to be late. I’ll come by and check on you around noon, though, to make sure you don’t need anything.”
If he’d known her better, he would have totally called her on the obvious lie. “Probably just another cupcake. To keep my spirits up.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” She smiled. “Good luck with everything.”
“Thanks.”
The elevator doors slid shut, leaving Nolan alone with nowhere to go but forward.
Well, then. Time to face the dragon.
His body didn’t move.