Never someone he had feelings for.
Nolan moved to the guest chair, but didn’t sit down. “Zack, are you okay? What did Ms. Rollins say?”
Zack stepped behind his desk, but rather than sit, he turned to look out the window. “She knows about the gym.”
“Ah, that’s bad, right?”
“I have a noncompete clause in my contract with a moonlighting subsection. I can be terminated for any side businesses I start. I was told initially that was to prevent me from starting a consulting business while I was still employed, but Samantha informed me it applies to the gym as well.”
“Shit. Is she going to fire you?” There was fear and a bit of anger in his voice. Sweet, but totally misplaced.
“No. She expects me to do my job. As long as I toe the company line, she’ll overlook the gym.”
“Well, that’s good.” Nolan came up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
The scent of Nolan’s cologne had faded from the morning, and now blended in with the milder smells of fabric softener, antiperspirant, and the raw scent of Nolan. Zack turned, almost pressing his nose to Nolan’s neck to breathe it in. Instead, he looked into those beautiful hazel eyes and forced himself to take a step back.
Nolan frowned. “Zack?”
He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t say the words that he knew damn well he had to. But he’d struggled too hard to get to this point, and he needed the money his position at Compass offered so he could reopen the gym. That was truly his heart’s work. Nolan would understand.
“You’re scaring me.” Nolan reached out for him, but Zack took another step back.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? If you don’t tell me what’s going on, then I can’t help—”
Autopilot. “Nolan, I want you to know that you’ve done excellent work in your time here at Compass.”
“Thank you.” Nolan shoved his hands into his pockets. “But?”
“But I’m sorry to inform you that due to some recent changes, management has no choice but to terminate all new hires who are still under their three-month evaluation period. It isn’t a reflection on your performance, and I will be happy to provide you with a reference.”
He never once looked away from Nolan, so it was easy to see the joy in his eyes snuff out. The pulse point in Nolan’s neck began to throb hard, and the color drained from his face. “Wait . . . you’re serious.”
“You weren’t singled out, if you’re worried about that. New hires were the easiest to target and had the least financial impact for Compass. Nancy has the necessary paperwork, but I thought it best that you hear it from me.”
Nolan swallowed hard and reached out for the desk to steady himself. “Did you try to keep me?”
“Samantha made it very clear. I either go along with the reorganization, or I’m shown the door as well. I’d lose my income and the chance to open the gym.”
“So it was me or you.” Nolan’s breathing grew labored, and his body started to shake. “Well, it’s good to know where I stand.”
“It wasn’t like that. If I’d kicked up a fuss, she would have fired me too, but either way you’d still be rolled up in the layoffs. My hands are tied here.”
Nolan took a shaky step away. “But you didn’t even try to fight for me.”
“Nolan—”
“Don’t. Just . . .” He stumbled briefly before righting himself. “I’ll leave.”
“Let me take you home.”
“No.”
“You’re having a panic attack.”
“It’s anxiety, not panic. I just lost my job, why wouldn’t I be anxious? I’m fine. I’ll call . . . I’m fine.”
Nolan had been doing so well that Zack had never considered the news would trigger an attack. But of course it had; even somebody without anxiety would be devastated to get fired with no warning. Especially somebody as conscientious and hardworking as Nolan.
Zack’s heart ached to see this kind soul tearing himself apart. “Please, let me at least call you a cab. I need to know that you get home okay.”
Nolan let out a strangled laugh. “Well, I’d hate to burden your conscience. Call me a cab, then. I’ll leave right away.”
Without another look at him, Nolan gathered his things and left the office for good.
Whether it was by luck or Zack making good on his offer, there was a cab waiting at the curb by the time Nolan stumbled out of the building. He’d thrown his security badge on the desk as he passed, but for the life of him, he didn’t notice who’d been sitting there. His world was spinning, and nothing made sense.
Zack had fired him.
He gave his address to the driver, closed his eyes, and tried to run through his breathing techniques. They weren’t helping. How could they, when his entire world had fallen apart around him in a matter of seconds? He’d lost his job and most likely the man he was starting to have feelings for. Not that Zack had said anything about their personal relationship, but Nolan couldn’t imagine that they’d be able to continue forward after this.
What the hell did they have in common outside of work?
He didn’t have a clue. They’d spent hours together, and Nolan had managed numerous aspects of Zack’s life, but he knew next to nothing about him.
That wasn’t true.
He knew that Zack used his anger like a shield to protect himself, and wielded it like a sword to slay the demons sent to hurt him. Nolan could picture a younger Zack, scared and angry, working out at the gym, learning to control that prominent feature of his personality rather than let it control him. Nolan had gone through much the same process over the past few years, doing his best to learn how to handle his anxiety. Neither of them seemed to have mastered their emotions.
Nolan needed to get home and take an extra clonazepam and hope that would do the trick. Where techniques and practice and willpower failed him, modern medicine usually succeeded.
When the taxi pulled up, he tapped his Visa on the machine and stumbled out onto the sidewalk. He wanted nothing more than to climb into bed and stay there until the horrors of his current reality faded. Grabbing the mail from his slot didn’t help matters, seeing as most of the envelopes contained bills that he no longer knew how he’d pay.
Of all the things that could have happened today, losing his job wasn’t something he’d seen coming. How could he have? Apparently even Zack hadn’t known. Or at least Nolan assumed that, but really, he had no idea what to assume or believe about Zack anymore. Maybe Zack had been sitting on that news for days.
The quiet of his apartment, while normally inviting, pressed down on him. The place was one more financial concern he suddenly faced. He’d only officially taken over the lease from Tina the previous week, and there wasn’t an easy way for him to break it now.
Tina. He couldn’t believe that his first reaction after Zack told him that he was being let go was to call his big sister. Here he’d been thinking things were finally getting better, that for the first time since the accident he was ready to handle everything on his own. What a joke. He was a joke.
The bed was too far away, so he fell onto the couch, setting the stack of bills on the cushion beside him. His cell phone was still deep in his pocket, digging into his bad leg. He pulled it free and pressed the Home button. “Call Tina.”
She answered after only a few rings. “Hello, brother.” Her voice brought a smile to his face. “You have good timing. I just finished getting dressed.”
He was never going to get used to her being in a different time zone. “What time is it there?”
“Eight. I have a half hour before I head out to work.”
“That’s good.”
“It is. So what’s wrong?”
“Why would you think something’s wrong? Can’t I just call my big sister? Maybe I missed you.”
“Dude, it’s lunch there. You’re usually run off your feet in the middle of the day. You don’t sound like you do when you’re having an anxiety attack, so I have to assume there’s something else going on. So tell me.”
His chest hurt, and he realized he hadn’t taken his pill. He bumped into the coffee table on his way to the bathroom.
“Nolan?”
“Just having a bad day.”
“Are you okay? You sound off.”
The rush of water made it hard for him to hear what she said next. He fumbled for his pill, knowing that it wouldn’t work instantly, but it would help set him straight for the rest of the day.
“Nolan, hon, you’re scaring me. Do I need to call Mom to come check on you?”
“Shit, don’t do that.”
“Well then tell me what’s going on. You called me for a reason.”
God, he’d missed her, the way she was able to get right to the heart of him and take control. “Zack fired me.”
“What?”
“Well, not fired. There were some layoffs at work. They got rid of all new hires to save money.”
“That asshole! And here I thought he was a good one.”
“It wasn’t his fault. I don’t think he had much say in things.”
“He’s the frigging CTO, I’m sure he has more pull than that.”