“Hey. I need you to come get me.”
“Are you okay? You don’t sound good.”
Not even a little. “Just come get me.”
Zack carried the taste of Nolan on his lips all the way to the car. The scent of him had taken up residence in Zack’s brain and there was nothing he could do to free himself. Going home to his condo would leave him with his thoughts and feelings. Given what had just happened, that was not a good thing. He needed to lose himself, to distance himself from his actions.
What he needed was a drink.
It didn’t take long for him to detour to Frantic. While the idea of going to a dance club wasn’t at the top of his list of things he wanted to do at three in the afternoon, Max would be there. If nothing else, he’d be able to hide in Max’s office with a bottle from the top shelf and not have to worry about sitting at a bar drinking alone.
The cleaning staff were just arriving at Frantic, and Zack followed them inside, earning him more than a few odd looks. House music echoed uncomfortably in the empty space that would normally be filled with half-naked bodies. He could picture Nolan here, dancing along with the crowd. The way his too long hair would fly around his face as his hips swayed to the heavy beat. The red flush that would cover his cheeks.
The same flush Nolan had when the anxiety took him over today.
Zack cursed as he walked past the bar and made his way to Max’s office. His friend was typing something at his computer when Zack barged in unannounced. “I need a drink.”
Max raised an eyebrow and pushed away from his desk. “Hello to you too.”
“I’m an asshole.”
“And have been as long as I’ve known you. Any specific reason for your revelation this afternoon?”
He fell into the chair opposite Max and waited for the emergence of the Scotch and two glasses that he knew were in the bottom drawer. “I sent my assistant into a full-blown anxiety attack.”
“Worse than the one he had here a few weeks ago?”
“I thought I was going to have to take him to the hospital.”
“Jesus.” Max filled Zack’s glass to the point where if he drank it all he knew he wouldn’t be driving himself anywhere. “Is he okay? Did you get him home?”
“He wouldn’t let me.” The Scotch burned as he drank it down. Zack knew the sting wasn’t much of a punishment for what he’d done, but it was all he could manage.
“Can’t say that I blame him.” Max leaned back in his chair. “What did you do?”
“I lost my temper.”
“Was it his fault?”
“Yes. No. Not really.”
“Then unless you’re going to fire him, you better make sure you have an awesome apology waiting for him tomorrow.”
Zack took another drink. “Yeah.”
“What aren’t you telling me? Because no matter how cute assistant boy is—and he’s quite the hot number—if he was even a little incompetent you wouldn’t hesitate to let him go. So the fact that you’re sitting here drinking a very nice Scotch without so much as tasting it means that this is more than you losing your temper.”
Max was the one person who knew Zack, almost better than he knew himself. There was no point in lying, because sooner or later he’d figure out the truth.
“I kissed him.”
“Idiot.” Max took another drink before topping up both their glasses. “Did he freak out?”
“Don’t know. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out.”
“Typical, running away to avoid consequences.”
He didn’t need Max to call him a coward to know that was what he was.
Zack took another drink, closed his eyes, and groaned.
The sound of Max rummaging around had Zack open an eye. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to find a calendar. I wanted to mark today as the first time in history that Zack Anderson sulked.”
“Fuck you.”
He’d been so busy running his life, he hadn’t bothered to look for a partner for anything more than a one-night stand. Really hadn’t had any interest until he’d walked into the bathroom three weeks ago and seen Nolan. “I crossed a line and I don’t know why.”
“He’s not exactly your type.”
Zack glared at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Max snorted. “Please. I’ve seen you in here. The wilder and less likely to stick around the guy appears to be, the more likely I’ll find you buying him a drink.”
“I haven’t been on a date since . . . I prefer one-night stands. They’re easier.”
“Easier for who?” Max took a drink. “What’s your assistant’s name? Nolan, right?”
He nodded.
“Mind you I only saw him briefly, and not in the best circumstances, but he didn’t strike me as one of your wild boys.”
“I don’t like them wild.”
“I’ve never seen you go after a quiet one before. Never saw you look twice. So what is it about him that you’re drawn to?”
“I’m not drawn to him.”
“You kissed him.”
“It was . . . You weren’t there.”
Zack had been, and even he wasn’t sure why he’d kissed Nolan. No, that wasn’t exactly true. When the anger had flashed in Nolan’s eyes and his lips parted, Zack had been drawn to the fire he saw. Behind the obvious trauma Nolan was dealing with was a man who had more strength and presence of mind than Zack had seen. Nolan had the kind of certainty about himself that Zack had always longed for and never found. Zack had wanted to get closer to that feeling somehow . . . and he’d acted impulsively, which he tried to never do.
“Look.” Max leaned forward, cupping his glass between his hands. “I don’t pretend to know what’s going on with you at your day job. In the past you’ve always looked at your boyfriends as bed warmers and your assistants as unnecessary tools.”
“He’s not a tool.”
“Great. That means you’re becoming more human. So apologize to him, or else get into bed with him. Hell, do both if you want. Being with someone doesn’t have to be a distraction.” Max shook his head. “Really, I think you just need to get laid.”
“Piss off.”
“I’m serious. When was the last time you got any?”
He wasn’t going down this path. “None of your business.”
“I haven’t seen you pick anyone up here in months. You find out that your hot assistant is gay. You work closely with him and clearly like him.”
“I’m not going to have sex with my assistant.”
“Why not? You said he didn’t run screaming when you kissed him. He might be up for something more.”
God, he couldn’t believe he was even letting his mind go there. Nolan had enough issues to deal with without adding more to the pile.
And yet . . .
“Sex would be a horrible idea. You know, the whole boss-assistant thing. HR frowns on taking advantage of subordinates.” God, he didn’t even sound convincing to himself.
Max chuckled. “He seems like a decent guy, and someone different would be good for you. Just promise me you’ll be up front about what you want and what he can expect. He doesn’t deserve to be played with. It’s not fair to drag Nolan down that path if you’re only going to dump him when you chicken out. But hey, consensual, no-strings sex can be fun.”
Asshole. Max knew how much it pissed him off to be called out. There was no way he’d give Max the satisfaction of knowing it got to him. “You’re right about one thing: I need to apologize to him.”
“It’s early yet. Think he’s still at the office?”
“No. He was going home.”
“Too bad you don’t know where he lives.” Max hit the desk with his hand. “Oh wait. You drove him home. You do know where he lives.”
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you.”
“It’s my office. I can do and say what I want. And what I want now is for you to take this bottle, go to Nolan’s place, and suck up. If he doesn’t call the cops on your ass, then I suggest you see if he might be interested in an office fling. At least for the next little while until we can get the gym going and you can quit.”
Zack got to his feet, taking the bottle with him. “I’m going home.”
“Then leave the Scotch.”
Zack tucked it under his arm. “I need to think.”
“You think too much. At least when it comes to relationships.”
“I’m not in a relationship.” Nolan was a good man; the last thing Zack wanted was to put him in a position where he’d feel obligated to respond to unwanted advances.
Max turned back to his computer. “There’s a reason you’re not. At some point in your life you need to figure out why.”
He stood there staring at his friend for a moment longer before leaving. “Thanks for the Scotch.”
Nolan had regretted calling Tina the moment he’d hung up the phone. Her worry had come through loud and clear, even without her saying it in so many words. It hadn’t helped that she’d been in the middle of a meeting about transitioning to her new position in Vancouver. When they’d finally gotten back to the apartment, he’d been ready for her declaration before she made it.