When he heard the rumbling laughter that managed to cut through the chatter of voices and thumping bass, it didn’t immediately register in his brain. Looking slowly over toward the sound, his body was shocked back to life when he saw Zack standing there. And he was smiling.
No, that couldn’t be his boss. Not the man who, in the whole first week that Nolan had worked for him, had barely said a kind word. That man wouldn’t be capable of grinning and carrying on with someone. Nolan blinked quickly, trying to clear the obvious mirage from his eyes. Nope, Zack was still there.
“Buddy?” The bartender patted his hand. “Dude, are you going to pass out on me?”
Nolan sucked in a deep breath and managed to tear his gaze from his couldn’t-possibly-be boss. “I’m . . . Washroom?”
“Down the hall to the left.”
He pushed away from the bar and followed the directions, staring at his feet to avoid being overwhelmed by the lights, colors, and flailing bodies. He needed distance from the crowds, find a quiet place to catch his breath and then get his head straight. Yeah right. It would be fine. No it won’t. He’d get himself under control enough that he could get the bartender or one of the bouncers to find Tina. You’re fucking broken. Barring that, he’d take a cab home and apologize to Tina when she got home. Dead on the side of the road.
The line to get into the bathroom was bordering on impressive and rivaled the line to get into the club in the first place. Too many people. He closed his eyes. Shit, this wasn’t going to work.
His chest tightened as a cold sweat rolled across his body. He blindly felt for the wall, but missed and found nothing but empty air. Really he should open his eyes, but the lights were causing his head to throb on top of everything else. He tried again, this time coming in contact with a warm body. “Sorry.”
“Nolan?” God, he was really far gone if he was conjuring up such a realistic version of Zack’s voice. “It is you. The bartender asked me to come after you. Said you looked like you recognized me.”
Help me.
Don’t look at me.
Save me.
He wanted to say something, but it was getting harder for him to breathe. All he managed was to force his eyes open a crack, just enough to confirm that yes, it really was his boss who was witnessing his freak-out.
Wonderful.
Zack was talking to someone else, but Nolan couldn’t register who that was. No doubt a date who’d had their evening ruined by Nolan’s panic.
A strong arm slipped around his waist and started to move him. “Come with me.”
He didn’t have much of a choice, given how badly he needed Zack’s physical support. With each step they took, the sounds lessened and Nolan was able to hear himself think again. Zack pushed a door open and maneuvered him to a leather chair. “Put your head down between your knees. Try and breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.”
Zack’s voice was steady, unemotional, the exact thing Nolan needed. So was the large hand pressed against the back of his neck: it wasn’t a gentle caress or even a friendly pat. Zack’s grip was firm, grounding, a focal point that Nolan could mentally grab hold of and use as a center. The air shuddered and forced its way through his nasal passage, and came rushing out through his mouth. He had to concentrate hard to slow it down, to get a handle on that simple, life-giving task so he wouldn’t faint on his boss’s shoes.
After some time had passed—he had no idea how much—he was eventually able to sit up. It was only then that Zack moved his hand away and set a respectable distance between them.
“Are you okay?”
Nolan had to swallow twice before his voice worked. “No.”
“Are you here with someone?” There was a strange tone in Zack’s voice. “Were you here on a date?”
“Came with my sister. She wanted to celebrate a promotion.”
Zack nodded. “Her name?”
“Tina Carmichael.”
“I’ll have Max make an announcement on the PA and get her in here.”
“Thanks.”
Zack sat down on the edge of the desk behind him. “What happened?”
“I get these . . . anxiety attacks. I was in an accident a few years ago, and I’ve had them ever since.”
“The crowd got to you?” Zack cocked his head to the side. “That’s why you’re not in training any longer.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fine.”
Silence fell between them, and Nolan used the time to run through some of the mental exercises his counselor had drilled into him. It was only after he’d gone through two of them that he realized Zack was staring at him. “What?”
“You’re gay.”
“Yes. So are you apparently.”
A muscle jumped in Zack’s jaw. “Is that a problem?”
Nolan shook his head. “Why the hell would you being gay be a problem for me?”
“I’m your boss.”
“Are you about to demand sexual favors from me?”
“No.”
“Then it’s not a problem.” And because they were apparently having this conversation despite how shitty he was feeling: “I have no intention of outing you, if that’s your concern. I don’t discuss my colleagues’ personal lives or engage in office gossip.” Well, not with anyone at work. Tina would no doubt grill him when she found out.
“I’m not in the closet.” Despite his assurances, Zack didn’t look at all comfortable. “I’ll go ask Max to find your sister. Will you be okay on your own for a minute?”
Nolan nodded and closed his eyes. He needed a few moments alone to let his brain catch up to everything that had happened in such a short period of time.
Zack was gay. His very good-looking albeit abrupt boss was gay. Zack wasn’t exactly his type, but knowing himself the way he did, he’d end up reading more into everything Zack did from this point on.
Not to mention Zack now knew the ugly truth about his anxiety.
He was hit by the scent of Zack’s cologne when he came back into the office.
“Max is going to make the announcement and will bring her back.”
“Thanks.” Even with his eyes closed, Nolan was aware of Zack moving around the room. “You’re pacing.”
“Just thinking.”
Of course it was now time for the inevitable barrage of questions. “Go ahead.”
“What?”
“Ask me whatever you need to. It’s fine.”
The pause stretched on. “What happened?”
Nolan was cut off as Tina rushed through the door. “Nolan!” She was accompanied by the man he’d seen speaking to Zack at the bar. No doubt the mysterious Max. “Oh my God, are you okay? I should never have made you come out.”
“I’m fine. Need to get home.”
Tina brushed hair from his face. “I’ll get a cab.”
“I’ll drive you home.” Zack pushed from the desk.
Tina frowned and looked between them. “And you are?”
“I’m Zack Anderson. Nolan’s boss.”
Her eyes widened briefly, but that was the only indicator of her surprise. “I don’t want to interrupt your evening.”
“I was here for business.” Zack gave Max’s shoulder a squeeze. “I’ll give you a call next week, and we can work out the details.”
“Sounds good.”
Tina helped Nolan to his feet. “Let’s get you outside.”
Max opened the office door. “There’s an employee entrance here. It’s close to Zack’s car, and you won’t have to go back into the crowd. This way.”
It was strange, given all the external stimuli that hit Nolan the moment they left the office, but the one thing he was acutely aware of was the warmth of Zack walking behind him.
The fresh outside air helped ease his tension. Tina’s unwavering presence helped as well.
Zack moved past them and to a black Audi SUV. “Let me shift some papers from the backseat.”
Tina took that distraction as an opportunity to tug Nolan closer. “Your boss?”
“Yup.”
“He’s gay.”
“Yes, I’ve just discovered that.”
“He’s hot.”
“Please, I’m begging you. Don’t do this. I’m barely able to walk, much less think with my dick.”
When Zack pulled back, papers in hand, he left the door wide open. “Here you go.”
Blood and screams and vomit.
Tina tugged at Nolan. “Let’s get you home.”
He’d have to get into the vehicle to make that happen. He’d have to put his trust in someone else behind the wheel because he was never ever driving again.
“Nolan?” Tina’s voice shook. “Are you okay?”
“Yup.” He took a breath and let her guide him into the backseat. Zack shut the door as soon as Tina slid in beside him, then quickly jumped into the driver’s seat.
“Address?” Zack threw the car into reverse without putting his seat belt on. “I’ll pop it into the GPS.”
“Seat belt.” The word came out clear, but too soft for Zack to hear.
“It’s 25 Wellesley Street East,” Tina said as she clicked her seat belt into place.
Zack started to pull out of the parking lot. “Okay, won’t take long.”