'My mother used donated sperm.' It was easier to say than she'd thought it would be, given that she'd never said it before.
'Donor sperm? She had infertility issues?'
'No. No infertility issues. Just man issues. She wanted to cut the "man" part out of the deal.' She glanced at him, looking for shock, disgust, any of the emotions she'd anticipated seeing, but there was nothing.
'She struggled to trust men so when she chose to have a child of her own, she chose to have one alone?'
If only. Avery felt her throat thicken. 'That wasn't it, either. I truly wish it were. At least then I would have known I was loved by at least one of my parents. But the truth is I was another of my mother's social statements. She wanted to prove that a woman doesn't need a man for anything, not even to produce a baby, although obviously that wasn't what she told them in the clinic. She was determined to prove that she could do it all by herself, and she did. The trouble was, she forgot that her experiment was permanent. Once she'd proved her point, she was stuck with me. Not that she let that interfere with her lifestyle, you understand.'
As Mal rose to his feet, she backed away with a quick shake of her head.
'Don't speak. I n-need to finish this now or I won't ever say it,' she stammered. 'I've never said it before and it's …
hard because I'm used to being a confident person and I am confident in my work, just not about this.'
'Avery-'
'My childhood was nothing like yours. It was nothing like anyone's. Your family was close and tight-knit. You had two parents, cousins, uncles and aunts. Even when you disagreed, you were a unit. And yes, I'm sure there were huge pressures, but you shared those pressures. I'm sure that being a Prince must occasionally have been lonely but even when you were lonely you knew there were people around you who loved you. You knew who you were and what was expected of you. You belonged.'
He opened his mouth, but then caught her desperate look and closed it again.
Avery's mouth was dry. 'I didn't have that. On the outside my family looked fine. Single mother. No biggie. Loads of people have that, right? I hid the truth about my father because I thought it was so shaming that my mother couldn't sustain a relationship for long enough even for a single bout of sex, but what really affected me wasn't the fact that I didn't have a father, but the fact that I didn't have a mother, either. All I had was a woman who taught me how to be a version of her.'
'Avery-'
'Most of the time I hated her.' It was the first time she'd ever admitted that. 'There was no affection because she saw that as weakness. No involvement in my life. We spent mealtimes together, during which she talked about her work and about how lucky we were to have avoided that complex relationship trauma. And I vowed I wasn't going to be like that. I vowed that my relationships would be normal, but she'd done her job well and the only thing that was ever in my head at the start of a relationship was, How will this end? She taught me how to live alone. She didn't tell me how to live with other people. And it never really mattered. Until I met you.'
'Why didn't you tell me this before?' His tone was raw and this time when he pulled her into his arms she didn't resist. 'All that time we spent together-all the times I brought up the subject of your father and you never once mentioned it.'
'Because I've kept it a secret for so long from everyone. And you mattered to me more than anyone I'd ever met. It wasn't just that I was ashamed. I was afraid that if you knew, it would kill what we had.' Admitting it was agony. 'I was afraid that if you knew the truth about me, you wouldn't want me any more. You know who you are. Your ancestors are Sultans and Princes. You can trace your family back for centuries. And I'm-' Her voice cracked and she gave a despairing shrug. 'I don't even know who I am. I'm a … I'm the result of my mother's unofficial social experiment.'
He took her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers, his gaze holding her steady. 'You're the woman I love. The only woman I want.'
She hadn't dared hope that she would hear that. 'Even now you know?' She discovered that her cheeks were wet and she brushed her palm over her face self-consciously. 'I'm crying. I never cry.' Her voice was unsteady and his was equally unsteady.
'I'm not marrying you for where you came from. I'm marrying you for who you are and who you are going to be. You are a bright, talented, very sexy woman who will make a perfect Princess. I don't care about your past, except for the degree to which it affects our future. Can you shut out everything she ever taught you and believe in us, no matter what? Or are you going to walk away?'
'Last night she sent me a text. She'd heard I was getting married and she told me not to do anything stupid. And I realised that she was right. It is important not to do something stupid-' she felt him tense and, because she saw pain flicker into his eyes, she carried on quickly '-and it would be stupid not to marry you. It would be the stupidest thing I've ever done.'
He breathed in sharply. 'Avery-'
'I love you. That's why I took a risk with you the first time, because I cared for you so much. And it's why I'm here now. I was upset when I found out that you had to get married by a certain date, that's true, but I only needed a few minutes alone to realise that everything you told me made sense. And it's partly my fault that you didn't tell me because I'm so screwed up. I do believe you love me but when you've believed yourself unlovable for so long, it's hard not to doubt that. I love you-' the words caught in her throat '-I really love you. And if you still want me, then I want to marry you.'
'If I still want you?' He hauled her against him and held her so tightly she could hardly breathe. 'There is no "if". There never has been an "if" in my mind. I have always been sure. Too sure, which was why I messed it up so badly the first time. And I did mess it up.' He eased her away from him and smoothed away her tears with his thumbs. 'I understand that now. You accused me of arrogance and perhaps I was guilty of that but most of all I was guilty of being too sure of us. I knew we were perfect together.'
'I'm pleased to hear you think I'm perfect.' She laughed up at him and he smiled back, but it was a shaky smile. The smile of someone who had come close to losing everything that mattered.
'You know your problem? You're arrogant.'
'A moment ago I was perfect.'
'You're perfect for me.'
A warm feeling spread through her. 'I've never had that.' Her voice faltered as he kissed her. 'I don't honestly think anyone has ever loved me before. Apart from Jen. And most of the time I drive her mad.'
'Not so mad that she didn't agree to fly out for our wedding.'
Avery stared at him. 'She-?'
'My plane lands in the next hour. She is on it. She can help you get ready and she has strict instructions to call me if one word of doubt crosses your lips.'
'It won't.'
'What if your mother texts you again?'
'She can't. I dropped my phone in the fountain.' Her voice faltered. 'But I am afraid of messing everything up. I don't know anything about making a relationship work. Nothing.'
'There is only one thing you need to know about making a relationship work and that is that you don't give up.' His fingers slid into her hair, strong and possessive. 'Whatever you feel, you tell me. You shout, you yell, anything, but you never walk away. Never.'
It should have felt terrifying but instead it felt blissfully good. 'My mother told me that marriage was a sacrifice, but it feels so much more like a gift.'
His eyes gleamed. 'I look forward to unwrapping you, habibti. And in the meantime, do you think you could change into something that will make the unwrapping more fun? Everyone would be disappointed to see the elegant Avery Scott wearing jeans on her wedding day.'
She curled her hand into his shirt and pulled him towards her. 'You want the dance of the seven veils?'
'That sounds like the perfect way to begin a marriage.'
'Where exactly are we going? Could someone please tell me what's going on?' Avery was so nervous she felt sick. 'Jen?'
Her friend shook her head. 'This is one event you're not organizing, Avery. Just relax.'
'I'm not a relaxed sort of person.' Despite the air conditioning in the limousine, her palms felt damp and her stomach was a knot of nerves. 'I'm supposed to be marrying Mal so it would be great if someone could tell me why we're driving in this car away from the Palace and with blacked-out windows so I can't even see where I'm going.'
'It's a surprise. You're controlling, you do know that, don't you?'