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Woman in a Sheikh's World(32)

By:Sarah Morgan


'My mother used donated sperm.' It was easier to say than she'd thought it would be, given that she'd never said it before.

'Donor sperm? She had infertility issues?'

'No. No infertility issues. Just man issues. She wanted to cut the "man"  part out of the deal.' She glanced at him, looking for shock, disgust,  any of the emotions she'd anticipated seeing, but there was nothing.

'She struggled to trust men so when she chose to have a child of her own, she chose to have one alone?'

If only. Avery felt her throat thicken. 'That wasn't it, either. I truly  wish it were. At least then I would have known I was loved by at least  one of my parents. But the truth is I was another of my mother's social  statements. She wanted to prove that a woman doesn't need a man for  anything, not even to produce a baby, although obviously that wasn't  what she told them in the clinic. She was determined to prove that she  could do it all by herself, and she did. The trouble was, she forgot  that her experiment was permanent. Once she'd proved her point, she was  stuck with me. Not that she let that interfere with her lifestyle, you  understand.'

As Mal rose to his feet, she backed away with a quick shake of her head.

'Don't speak. I n-need to finish this now or I won't ever say it,' she stammered. 'I've never said it before and it's  …

hard because I'm used to being a confident person and I am confident in my work, just not about this.'

'Avery-'
                       
       
           



       
'My childhood was nothing like yours. It was nothing like anyone's. Your  family was close and tight-knit. You had two parents, cousins, uncles  and aunts. Even when you disagreed, you were a unit. And yes, I'm sure  there were huge pressures, but you shared those pressures. I'm sure that  being a Prince must occasionally have been lonely but even when you  were lonely you knew there were people around you who loved you. You  knew who you were and what was expected of you. You belonged.'

He opened his mouth, but then caught her desperate look and closed it again.

Avery's mouth was dry. 'I didn't have that. On the outside my family  looked fine. Single mother. No biggie. Loads of people have that, right?  I hid the truth about my father because I thought it was so shaming  that my mother couldn't sustain a relationship for long enough even for a  single bout of sex, but what really affected me wasn't the fact that I  didn't have a father, but the fact that I didn't have a mother, either.  All I had was a woman who taught me how to be a version of her.'

'Avery-'

'Most of the time I hated her.' It was the first time she'd ever  admitted that. 'There was no affection because she saw that as weakness.  No involvement in my life. We spent mealtimes together, during which  she talked about her work and about how lucky we were to have avoided  that complex relationship trauma. And I vowed I wasn't going to be like  that. I vowed that my relationships would be normal, but she'd done her  job well and the only thing that was ever in my head at the start of a  relationship was, How will this end? She taught me how to live alone.  She didn't tell me how to live with other people. And it never really  mattered. Until I met you.'

'Why didn't you tell me this before?' His tone was raw and this time  when he pulled her into his arms she didn't resist. 'All that time we  spent together-all the times I brought up the subject of your father and  you never once mentioned it.'

'Because I've kept it a secret for so long from everyone. And you  mattered to me more than anyone I'd ever met. It wasn't just that I was  ashamed. I was afraid that if you knew, it would kill what we had.'  Admitting it was agony. 'I was afraid that if you knew the truth about  me, you wouldn't want me any more. You know who you are. Your ancestors  are Sultans and Princes. You can trace your family back for centuries.  And I'm-' Her voice cracked and she gave a despairing shrug. 'I don't  even know who I am. I'm a  …  I'm the result of my mother's unofficial  social experiment.'

He took her face in his hands and rested his forehead against hers, his  gaze holding her steady. 'You're the woman I love. The only woman I  want.'

She hadn't dared hope that she would hear that. 'Even now you know?' She  discovered that her cheeks were wet and she brushed her palm over her  face self-consciously. 'I'm crying. I never cry.' Her voice was unsteady  and his was equally unsteady.

'I'm not marrying you for where you came from. I'm marrying you for who  you are and who you are going to be. You are a bright, talented, very  sexy woman who will make a perfect Princess. I don't care about your  past, except for the degree to which it affects our future. Can you shut  out everything she ever taught you and believe in us, no matter what?  Or are you going to walk away?'

'Last night she sent me a text. She'd heard I was getting married and  she told me not to do anything stupid. And I realised that she was  right. It is important not to do something stupid-' she felt him tense  and, because she saw pain flicker into his eyes, she carried on quickly  '-and it would be stupid not to marry you. It would be the stupidest  thing I've ever done.'

He breathed in sharply. 'Avery-'

'I love you. That's why I took a risk with you the first time, because I  cared for you so much. And it's why I'm here now. I was upset when I  found out that you had to get married by a certain date, that's true,  but I only needed a few minutes alone to realise that everything you  told me made sense. And it's partly my fault that you didn't tell me  because I'm so screwed up. I do believe you love me but when you've  believed yourself unlovable for so long, it's hard not to doubt that. I  love you-' the words caught in her throat '-I really love you. And if  you still want me, then I want to marry you.'

'If I still want you?' He hauled her against him and held her so tightly  she could hardly breathe. 'There is no "if". There never has been an  "if" in my mind. I have always been sure. Too sure, which was why I  messed it up so badly the first time. And I did mess it up.' He eased  her away from him and smoothed away her tears with his thumbs. 'I  understand that now. You accused me of arrogance and perhaps I was  guilty of that but most of all I was guilty of being too sure of us. I  knew we were perfect together.'                       
       
           



       

'I'm pleased to hear you think I'm perfect.' She laughed up at him and  he smiled back, but it was a shaky smile. The smile of someone who had  come close to losing everything that mattered.

'You know your problem? You're arrogant.'

'A moment ago I was perfect.'

'You're perfect for me.'

A warm feeling spread through her. 'I've never had that.' Her voice  faltered as he kissed her. 'I don't honestly think anyone has ever loved  me before. Apart from Jen. And most of the time I drive her mad.'

'Not so mad that she didn't agree to fly out for our wedding.'

Avery stared at him. 'She-?'

'My plane lands in the next hour. She is on it. She can help you get  ready and she has strict instructions to call me if one word of doubt  crosses your lips.'

'It won't.'

'What if your mother texts you again?'

'She can't. I dropped my phone in the fountain.' Her voice faltered.  'But I am afraid of messing everything up. I don't know anything about  making a relationship work. Nothing.'

'There is only one thing you need to know about making a relationship  work and that is that you don't give up.' His fingers slid into her  hair, strong and possessive. 'Whatever you feel, you tell me. You shout,  you yell, anything, but you never walk away. Never.'

It should have felt terrifying but instead it felt blissfully good. 'My  mother told me that marriage was a sacrifice, but it feels so much more  like a gift.'

His eyes gleamed. 'I look forward to unwrapping you, habibti. And in the  meantime, do you think you could change into something that will make  the unwrapping more fun? Everyone would be disappointed to see the  elegant Avery Scott wearing jeans on her wedding day.'

She curled her hand into his shirt and pulled him towards her. 'You want the dance of the seven veils?'

'That sounds like the perfect way to begin a marriage.'

'Where exactly are we going? Could someone please tell me what's going on?' Avery was so nervous she felt sick. 'Jen?'

Her friend shook her head. 'This is one event you're not organizing, Avery. Just relax.'

'I'm not a relaxed sort of person.' Despite the air conditioning in the  limousine, her palms felt damp and her stomach was a knot of nerves.  'I'm supposed to be marrying Mal so it would be great if someone could  tell me why we're driving in this car away from the Palace and with  blacked-out windows so I can't even see where I'm going.'

'It's a surprise. You're controlling, you do know that, don't you?'