I stood there, alone.
I'm all alone.
I don't like being alone.
"Will … "
"Motherfucker!" I shouted.
Luke and Colt laughed.
Colt said, "Don't take it out on the fence, dude."
I threw the fence pullers and cursed again. "Fuck this shit."
"Y'all want to call it a day? The barn dance is tonight. I'd like to head home to shower and get ready," Colt said with a smile.
"Why are you so happy?" Luke asked.
Colt shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I just want to dance and have a little bit of fun."
Luke turned to me. "Have you talked to Alex yet?"
I shook my head.
Colt let out a sigh. "Will, Alex cried her eyes out the other day when she came home. What happened? My parents tried to get her to talk to them, but she wouldn't."
"She pushed me away again. I tried to get her to talk to me, and she told me … she told me … " My voice cracked.
Colt and Luke both stood there, waiting for me to finish.
"She told you what?" Luke asked.
I looked down to the ground. "She told me I was scaring her."
///
"What?" Colt and Luke both said.
"What in the hell were you doing?" Colt asked.
I looked into his eyes. "I put my hand on the door, so she couldn't open it and leave. I was asking her to please talk to me, and that was when she … she, um … she said I was scaring her."
"Will, you need to understand that she probably didn't mean it like that," Luke said.
I snapped my head over to look at Luke. "How in the hell could I have misread that? She said I was scaring her, Luke. Her eyes were filled with something I'd never seen before. She was afraid I was going to hurt her. She said that he ruined it. I asked her what she meant, and she just freaked."
Colt pushed his hands through his hair and then sighed. "She must have been talking about Blake. Do you think maybe she just said you were scaring her because she didn't want to talk about Blake?"
"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. All I know is, the girl I love is afraid to be touched by me."
Colt shook his head. "No, Will, I don't think that's it. Listen, I went and talked to Janet. I wanted to talk to someone who had been through something like what Alex had. Janet told me she felt dirty for months, like she was unworthy of anyone's love. Just because Blake didn't rape Alex doesn't mean she doesn't feel the same way. He touched her, and by the comment he made to us … " Colt balled up his fists and took a deep breath. "By the comment he made, I'm going to guess he managed to get his hands down her pants. If he touched her, that could make Alex feel the same way."
Luke said, "That makes sense, Will. She said he ruined it. You and Lex have only been with each other. You have a perfect and, for lack of a better word, clean relationship. You've only been with each other. By another guy touching her, she's probably worried about how that makes you feel."
I stared at Luke and then looked at Colt. "Do you think that's what it is?"
They both nodded.
"I mean, I'm no expert by any means, but after talking to Janet, I really learned a lot. Alex's control was taken away. Blake tried to take something that, in Alex's mind, only belongs to you, Will. Blake tainted that."
"Do you know if she'll be at the barn dance?" I asked.
"You haven't talked to her?" Luke asked.
I felt the guilt instantly overtake my body. "No, not in three days. I told her I would leave her alone for a bit."
"That's the last thing she needs, Will," Colt said.
I nodded my head. "Yeah, I fucked up big time."
Luke started laughing. "Yes, you did, and that means a visit to Gramps. He'll tell you how to fix it."
I started heading toward my truck.
"Where are you going?" Colt called out.
"To see Gramps. Just make sure Lex is there tonight, Colt!" I yelled as I started running.
I sat down as Grams handed me a sweet tea. Gramps sat across from me as he smiled at me. Grams sat down next to him and took his hand.
I inhaled in a deep breath through my nose and blew it out through my mouth. "I'm just going to say it. I messed up with Lex. I don't know what to do. I acted like an idiot, and I thought she was pushing me away, but I think I'm the one who pushed her away. I don't know how to make it right." Once I'd gotten it all out, I felt a little better.
"Sounds to me like you need a song," Gramps said.
I looked at him as Grams started chuckling.
"Excuse me, boys, I need to get ready for my walk," Grams said.
Gramps and I both stood up as Grams stood and walked out of the room.
When we sat down, Gramps said, "Mr. Nat King Cole."
I smiled. "The same song my dad plays when my mother is mad at him? That old song?"
"Son, that song might be old, but I promise you, it is magic. It's called ‘Send for Me.'"
"So, do I sing it to her or something while we dance?"
Gramps just looked at me. "Let me hear you sing a couple of bars of something."
"Uh … okay." I started to sing a country song.
Gramps held up his hand. "Oh, hell no. Don't sing, boy. Let Nat do all the swooning."
I let out a chuckle. "I take it that you don't think I sing very good."
Gramps dropped his hand. "I wouldn't call that singing-at all."
I held up my hands. "Fine, fine. I never claimed to be a singer."
The front door opened, and I heard her sweet voice.
"Grams? Gramps?"
I looked back at Gramps. My heart started racing at an unbelievable pace.
///
Lex came walking around the corner and stopped dead in her tracks. "Will? What are you doing here?"
"The boy came to talk to me. I take it you and Emma are going on a walk?" Gramps asked.
Lex pulled her eyes from me to look at Gramps. "Um … yes."
Grams walked up and put her arm around Lex. "Shall we go, sweetheart?"
Lex smiled at Grams and then looked at me. When I smiled and winked at her, her face seemed to instantly relax.
"I'll see you at the dance tonight, Lex?"
Her smile grew bigger on her face. "I'll be there."
I glanced down and saw her rubbing the promise ring. I looked back up into her eyes. Her spark still wasn't there, but I was going to do everything in my power to get it back.
Grams and Lex headed out the door. I turned and looked back to Gramps.
"She loves you. Don't give up on her," Gramps said as he stood up and walked over to me.
"I love her, too, Gramps, more than anything. Life without Lex is not an option."
Gramps laughed. "That's my boy. Now, come on. Let's go play a game of dominos."
I chuckled and followed him. We sat down at the kitchen table, and as he took out a deck of playing cards, he looked me in the eyes and grinned. His blue eyes had fire in them as he tilted his head.
"I thought we were playing dominos," I said.
Gramps smiled and winked. "William, be prepared to get your ass kicked in poker. How much money do you have on you?"
"Um … what happened to dominos?"
Gramps started shuffling the deck of cards. "Oh, that was just in case Emma was still outside. Come on, son, put your money down."
I laughed as I reached for my wallet, and I threw a twenty down. Gramps looked up at me and frowned. I pulled another twenty out.
He winked. "Let's do this."
The moment he won the first hand, I knew I had just lost my forty bucks.
As we walked up to Mr. Banks's barn, Grace and Maegan wouldn't stop arguing. Mr. Banks had been letting us use his barn for barn dances since I could remember.
I finally stopped and spun around to face them. "Shut the fuck up. I can't take it anymore. Maegan, stop acting like such a bitch. If you wanted to wear something different, you should have put the damn thing on in the first place. Grace, stop egging her on. My God, the two of you are acting like you're in middle school."
Maegan's mouth dropped open, and Grace smiled at me.
"It's about damn time Alex Mathews showed back up." Grace blew me a kiss and walked by me.
Maegan continued to just stare at me before she finally said, "Fine, I'll be happy with what I'm wearing. There's no one in this damn town I want to impress anyway. Nothing but a bunch of country bumpkins are here."
Maegan walked by me as Lauren, Libby, and Taylor all started laughing.
"Ten bucks says she walks out with a guy," Taylor said to Libby.
"Taylor, that's your sister," Libby said with a giggle.
"Please, you just don't want to take the bet 'cause you know I'm right."
We all started laughing as we walked in. Libby stopped and stared out onto the dance floor. I followed her gaze to see Luke dancing with Claire.
Ugh, that girl is a pain in the ass.
I glanced around and saw Will. He was dancing with some girl I'd never seen before. It wasn't a slow song, so they were just two-stepping. As he kept spinning her around to Dustin Lynch's "Where It's At," she was laughing. It seemed like they knew each other well.