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Without You(33)

By:Kelly Elliott


"Alex, I had so many dreams for you. Since you were little, I think I  had your whole life planned out. Your mother used to tell me that it was  your life and not mine, but I knew you would do what I said, and that's  how I always thought. Seeing you this weekend, seeing how unhappy you  are, makes me realize that it's not my life to plan. It's your life. We  only learn lessons in life by making mistakes. I was trying too hard to  keep you from making any, but I made the biggest one of all. I tried to  tell you how and why you should live your life the way I wanted you to."

I looked straight ahead and let what my father was saying soak in.

"Alex, I'm no longer going to tell you what I think you should do. I'm  going to leave it up to you to decide what to do. It's your life, your  future, your dreams-not mine."

I glanced back at him and smiled. "Grace and I talked about it. We were  going to wait and talk to you and Uncle Jeff together, but I'm thinking  now is a good time."

He smiled and winked at me. "I do believe Grace has already talked to her daddy."

I laughed. "I'm not surprised. She utterly hates UT."

I took a deep breath and got ready to lay out the plans I had made for  my own future. "We both decided that we would stay at UT and finish out  our freshman year. It's really hard being away from Luke, Libby, and  especially Will, but I think it will be best for Grace and me to finish  what we started this year. Next year, I'd like to transfer to A&M  and get a bachelor of science in horticulture."

Daddy smiled. "Horticulture?"

I smiled. "Yep. I loved working every day in the garden with Mama and  Grams when I was growing up. I find myself daydreaming about working in  Mama's garden. I've always wanted to have my own nursery and teach other  people the things Mama and Grams taught me."

I watched as my father's eyes filled with tears.

"I think that sounds like an amazing plan, baby girl. It makes me very proud of you."

"Yeah?"

He stopped his horse. "Very much so, Alex. I just want you to be happy.  If that is what will make you happy, then it'll make me happy."

I instantly felt a weight lifting off my shoulders. "I guess we should have had this talk months ago."

He chuckled. "I guess so. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't  share your dreams with me, Alex. I wanted you to follow in my footsteps,  but I never stopped to think about your own footsteps."

"Daddy, I love you so much."

"Darlin', I love you, and I'm so damn thankful you're my daughter. Come  on, let's get home. You leave tomorrow, and I know your mother wants to  spend some time with you."

We made our way back to the house as we talked about everything and anything.

"Daddy, what should I do about Will?"

"Alex, I suggest you go to A&M and talk to Will face-to-face. I also  think you should take your car to school with you, so you don't feel  stuck in Austin."

I loved Will, and I would do whatever I needed to prove that to him.





Two weeks had passed since Thanksgiving break, and we were getting  closer to winter break. I'd finally broken down and called my parents  the Monday after Thanksgiving. I'd never heard my mother so angry before  in my life. She hadn't even cared that I had gone to Oklahoma to help  rebuild houses. After both my father and mother had lit into me, they  had told me to call Lex.         

     


///
 

I wasn't ready to talk to Lex yet. She had been calling and texting me  at least ten times a day. When I'd sent her a text back, saying I needed  time to think, she had begged me to take her call. I just couldn't get  what she'd said out of my head. If she was confused about us, then she  also needed to take the time to figure things out.

"I talked to Grace earlier," Luke said.

"Oh, yeah? How's she doing?" I asked as I continued to act like I was studying.

"She's good. She said Alex is a mess. She told that Blake guy to take a  hike when he kept coming by. Grace said Blake seemed to be stalking  Alex, but she thinks he got the hint when Alex told him that she loved  you and only you."

I glanced up and looked at Luke. "Is that so? She should have told him that before."

Luke let out a sigh. "Listen, I agree with you on that one. At the same  time, Will, I can't say I blame Alex for being confused. I think she was  mixing up her emotions of missing you and wanting you, and she was  using this guy as a type of replacement."

I shut my book. "Really? So, in other words, when I get horny, I should  just go find a study buddy, dance all close to her, and spend my free  time with her. Don't fuck her, but just lead her on. Do I have that  right?"

"Um … well, shit, when you say it like that, dude … "

I stood up. "If she was so fucking lonely and horny, she shouldn't have  run to some guy. It should have been me she wanted and waited for."

"Jesus, Will, she didn't cheat on you."

"No, but she thought about it, Luke."

"You don't know that."

I slammed my hand down on the table. "I heard her! I heard her tell that  fucker that she had feelings for him. I. Heard. Her." I turned and  grabbed my wallet and phone.

"Will, wait. Where are you going?"

"Out. I need to forget about Alex for a while."

I opened the door and slammed it behind me. I made my way out of our  building. I had no idea where I was going. All I knew was I wanted to  get as far away from anything or anyone who reminded me of Lex.

I found myself wandering around before I heard Joe calling my name. I turned to see him running up.

"Hayes! Why in the hell are you walking around outside? It's freezing!"

"Trying to clear my head."

He grinned and nodded his head. "You need a drink, my boy."

"Hell yes."

"Come on, I'm heading to my friend's house. Let's knock a few back, shall we?"

I spent the next three hours downing beer after beer as some girl named  Lucy flirted with me. I had zero interest in her even though she was hot  as hell, but she couldn't hold a candle to Lex.

No one will ever compare to Lex.

When Lucy moved and made her way next to me, I knew it was time for me  to head back to my room. When I stood up, I could feel the effects of  the alcohol. I wasn't drunk, but I was feeling good.

Lucy stood up and grabbed my arm. "You interested in heading back to my apartment?"

I looked her up and down. Nothing. As much as I wanted to have sex, I didn't want to have sex with Lucy.

I shook my head. "Sorry, not interested."

She sat back down and pouted.

I walked around and thanked everyone for letting me join in on the fun.  I'd found out that most of these people would go on mission trips with  Joe and Callie. I would be spending more time with them soon. I hadn't  told Joe or Callie that I was planning on spending my winter break with  them in Oklahoma.

Joe slapped my back, scaring the shit out of me. "Come on, I'll walk you  back to your dorm. I sent Callie a text and told her to meet me there."

"Sounds good!" I said with a laugh. The beer was starting to get to me.

Joe and I started making our way toward my place, and the whole way, he  kept talking about how wonderful Callie was. I could see how much the  two of them loved each other just by the way they would look at each  other.

"When are y'all getting married?" I asked.

"After school. Our parents insist on it, and since they're paying for school and the wedding, I wasn't about to argue."

I laughed. "I see your point."

"Shit, I see Roger. I need to tell him something. Let me run and catch him. I'll meet you and Callie outside your dorm."

"Sounds good." I watched as he took off, calling for Roger.

I started toward my dorm and smiled when I saw Callie.

"Hey you! Where is Joe?"

"Took off after some Roger guy to ask him something. Said he would be right here."

"Okay. Were you able to enjoy yourself and relax for a bit?"         

     


///
 

I laughed. "Does it show that bad?"

She nodded her head. "Yeah, kind of. Listen, Will, I'm really sorry  about you and your girlfriend. I hope that y'all can work it out."

I tried to smile, but it came off as a poor attempt. "Yeah, I'm thinking when she calls me again, I'm going to talk to her."

"Good. You need to give her a chance to explain. Is she still calling every day?"

I nodded and felt my stomach knotting up. "Yep."

"Answer her when she calls. I'd hate to hear that she stopped calling because you kept blowing her off."

I needed to change the subject. "I have some news for you."

"Good or bad?" She laughed.

I reached over and pulled out a stick from her hair. "Jesus, where have you been? You have sticks and leaves in your hair."

"I was helping an older lady trim trees this afternoon. I've never been  hit with so many branches in my life, but I had fun. So, what's the  news?"

I raised my eyebrows at her and smiled. "I've decided to join y'all in Oklahoma over winter break."