Without You(32)

I looked around the corner to see Lex leaning against the wall with that fucker practically on top of her.

"Blake, I love Will. I love him more than anything. I'm not going to lie  and say that I'm not confused about a few things. I keep hearing my  father's voice in my head, telling me to experience new things and new  people, but … "

I moved and leaned against the wall. Lex, why?

"Then, experience them, Alex. Just because he was your first love-"

"Blake … please."

"You're gonna see him tomorrow, Alex, and all will be good for a few weeks. Maybe you need a break from Will."

I waited to hear her response, but all I heard was silence. I pushed off  the wall and made my way around the corner. I began walking up to them.  When I saw Alex put her hand on Blake's chest, I balled up my fists,  but I kept walking.

"Blake, I can't do this right now. I have to call-"

"Lex?" I called out.

She dropped her hand, and Blake took a step away from her. She looked at me, and her mouth dropped open.

"I guess I showed up at the wrong time … or maybe it was the right time," I said.

She shook her head. "Will, what are you doing here?"

She let a smile move across her face as she began walking up to me. She  went to hug me, but I put my hands up and took a step back.

"You made me promise you, Lex."

She looked confused. "What?"

"How long have you had feelings for him?"

Blake walked up and went to say something to me.

I pointed to him. "You stay the fuck away from me, asshole. I heard  everything you two just said to each other. If you value your life,  you'll leave right now."

Blake held up his hands and took a few steps back.

"Wait, Will. Let me explain what you heard."

I looked down at Lex. She looked scared, panicked almost. Of course she did. She'd just been caught with another guy.

"I don't need you to explain it, Alex."

She let a sob escape her mouth. "Will, please don't call me Alex. Please just let me talk to you alone. Please."

"I heard it all. You're confused. Daddy's telling you to experience  other people. That's what you want. That night of the party, you were  wasted, weren't you? You said you'd passed the fuck out. What happened  between you two?" I looked at Blake and then back at Lex.

She began shaking her head faster as she wiped away her tears. "Nothing! My God, Will, I'd never do that to you."

I took a step closer to her and leaned down. "I just heard him say how  the two of you were dancing, Alex. I heard it with my own ears."

"No, it's not like that."

"How often do you see him, especially with all these study groups you go to?" I looked up at Blake. "Are you there every time?"

The fucker smiled and said, "Yes, I am. Always."

"No. Will, please let's just go somewhere and talk. It's not like that," Lex pleaded.

I took a few steps back as Lex began crying harder.

"You made me promise you that everything would be okay, that we would be  okay. You made me promise you that I wouldn't meet anyone, Alex."         

     


///
 

A loud sob escaped Lex's throat as a door opened.

Grace stepped out. "Will?" She looked back and forth between Blake and me. "What's going on?"

I glanced back at Lex. I took a deep breath and blew it out as I closed my eyes.

"Will, I love you. Please just-"

I opened my eyes. "No. No, Alex."

I turned to walk away, but Lex grabbed my arm.

"Will, please!"

I turned and looked into her beautiful blue eyes as I felt the tears  building in mine. "I guess I should have asked you to make the same  promise to me, Alex."

She sucked in a breath of air as I pushed her hand away. As I began walking off, I closed my eyes.

She screamed out, "Will! Will!" Then, I heard her yell, "Blake, let me go! Let me go!"

Grace told Blake to let Alex go as the elevator door opened. Before I  got on, I saw Lex running toward the elevator, but I stepped inside with  the doors shutting behind me before she got there. The sounds of her  yelling for me almost had me rushing back to her, but the image of her  hand on his chest while she'd looked into his eyes was now forever  etched in my brain.





I heard a knock on my bedroom door, and I flew up out of bed. I threw open the door, hoping to see Will.

"Libby … " I walked back to my bed and sat down. The tears began falling again. "Please tell me where he is."

Will hadn't come home for Thanksgiving break, and no one knew where he was, not even Luke.

She walked up to me and dropped to sit on the floor. "I swear to you,  Alex, I don't know. We've all been trying to call him. My parents are so  worried about him."

"He wouldn't let me explain." I cried harder as I put my hands up to my face.

"Alex, I have to ask you something, and you have to be honest with me. I talked to Grace."

I dropped my hands and looked her in the face. "What did Grace tell you?"

"The truth-that you've been spending a lot of time with this Blake guy. Do you have feelings for him, Alex?"

"No! Well, yes … I mean, no. Damn it!" I shouted as I stood up. Spinning  around, I looked at Libby. "I don't know. I don't have feelings for him  like I have for Will, but something is there. I just keep hearing these  voices in my head. I don't know what to do, Libby. I love Will. I want  Will, but when I'm around Blake, I … I want … "

"Him?"

The tears were pouring down my face. "I don't think so. Sometimes, Will  sends me these text messages. They drive me insane with lust, and then  I'll see Blake, and I get these weird feelings. I'm not sure if I'm just  missing Will, or if I … if I … "

"If you have feelings for Blake."

"Alex?"

I looked up and saw my father standing there. This was his fault. It was his damn voice in my head that I'd kept listening to.

"This is your fault," I said.

My father looked shocked. "Excuse me?"

"You made me go to UT when you knew I wanted to go to A&M. I hate  UT! I hate it! If I had been with Will at A&M, none of this would  have happened. I hate you!" I pushed past my father and ran down the  stairs.

"Alexandra Eryn! You stop right now!" my mother called out.

I ran past Colt and out the back door. I needed to find Will. I needed to get fresh air.

I ran into the barn, and Banjo poked his head out of his stall. I  grabbed a lead rope, and then I walked into his stall, clipped it on,  and led him out. I jumped up on him and began riding him bareback. I let  Banjo lead the way as I sobbed and fought to catch my breath.

I wasn't sure how long I had been out riding Banjo. I just sat on him,  feeling numb. When he made his way to the river, I jumped off and stood  there. I watched him graze on the grass. I dropped his lead, and I  walked over to a tree. I slowly slid down it and stared out at the  river. I had no tears left.

I leaned my head back and replayed the whole thing over again in my  head. I thought of every single thing Will had heard and how it must  have sounded to him.

I closed my eyes and whispered, "Will, please come back to me. Please."

I felt something hitting my boot, and I opened my eyes to see Banjo. I  smiled and looked up at my giant beauty. "I can always count on you,  boy. Isn't that right?"

He began bobbing his head up and down, and I let out a giggle.

I stood up and began running my hands along his side and back. "Oh,  Banjo, I really messed things up." I buried my face into my horse and  softly cried.

"Alex? You feel like company?"

I looked up and saw my father. I walked over to him, and he pulled me  into his arms. I completely fell apart. My legs gave out on me, and we  both slowly hit the ground. He pulled me onto his lap and held me while I  cried.         

     


///
 

"Alex, please don't cry, baby."

"Daddy, he's gone. He left me."

He began rocking me while I attempted to settle down.

"Shh … baby girl. Please, please don't be upset."

I pulled back and looked into my father's eyes. "I didn't … I didn't mean  it when I said … when I said I hated you. Daddy, I didn't mean it."

He pulled me back into him. "I know, Alex. I know."

"I love him, Daddy. I love him so much, and I hurt him so bad."

He pulled back and placed his finger under my chin. "Alex, from what I  understand, Will didn't give you a chance to explain. Just give him time  to cool down, sweetheart."

I tried to smile. "Daddy, I kept hearing your voice over and over in my  head. I tried liking UT, Daddy. I have to be honest with you though. I  hate it. I hate it with a passion."

Daddy laughed and nodded his head. "Jeff told me that Grace told him the same thing."

"I don't want you to hate me, but this is not what I want."

My father swallowed hard. "Let's get back on the horses and ride."

We stood, and he helped me up onto Banjo. He got up on Crazy Eight. We  began walking, and for the first few minutes, we rode along in silence.