I wish I had a camera to take a picture of her face at this moment because her eyes flare wide … disbelieving, and then they immediately melt into warmth as she realizes what I just said to her.
Her hand comes up. Touching her palm to my face, she whispers, "You seriously want to hear my sad tale?"
I nod with a smile. "Yes. And why wouldn't you want me to hear it?"
"Because I don't want you to think I'm weak … or stupid … or pathetic."
I grin at her big, lean down again, give her a swift kiss, and then roll to my back pulling her with me. When she settles on top, her arms crossed over my chest, I tell her, "You're fucking adorable when you get all soft and vulnerable. But I could never think you're weak, stupid, or pathetic. So lay it on me."
Blowing out a breath and raking her hand through her long hair, she huffs, "Fine."
Pushing against my chest for leverage, Andrea sits across my lower stomach and places her palms on her thighs. She looks down at me with clear eyes and determination. I lace my fingers with her and give her a squeeze.
"I'll give you the short version. I was engaged to a guy … in Pittsburgh. I thought he was it. The one. He broke off the engagement about three weeks prior to me going undercover with you."
I tense slightly that just a few months ago, she belonged to another man, but I give her hands another encouraging squeeze because I want to hear all of it.
"Why did he break it off?" I ask.
She looks at me directly … her chin tilted up and defiance in her eyes. "Because I had applied to the Behavioral Research and Instruction Unit of the FBI. They're based in Quantico and he didn't want to leave Pittsburgh. He asked me to pull the application and when I refused, he called off the engagement. Left me. I haven't heard from him since."
"So why does that make you pathetic?" I ask in confusion, because this douche seems to be the pathetic one.
"Because … I considered it. I actually thought about giving up my dreams to keep him."
"But clearly you didn't," I point out. "So what's the problem? Seems to me you made a strong move. Seems to me his lack of compromise makes him the weak one."
She shrugs her shoulders and pulls her hands free of mine, placing them on my chest so she can lean over me a bit. Her face hovers over mine. "Because for the longest time after … I kept doubting myself. That maybe I made a mistake. Maybe I should have agreed to stay in Pittsburgh. Shouldn't I have been willing to sacrifice something for love?"
Her face is troubled but not pained. I find this interesting, so I prod some more. Reaching up, I take her face in my hands. "I still don't see how having those doubts makes you weak? What's really going on?"
She gives me a shy smile, and then blasts me with utter honesty that takes me aback. "I feel a bit foolish … because the times you and I were together … the things you made me feel. Hell, the way you told me how beautiful I am just a few minutes ago. The way you made me feel beautiful just a few minutes after that. And the way you want to know about my feelings … I realize I didn't have any of that with him. In hindsight, I find myself to have been stupid for even thinking of giving up my dreams for someone that didn't truly touch me. You know what I mean?"
I lean up, kiss her, and then pull her down to my chest. She rests her head there for a minute, and I stroke the back of her head. Finally, I have the words to say.
"Andrea … you may have had moments of self-doubt, but in the end … you are where you are. You made the strong choice … the right choice. Everyone's always so focused on their destination that we forget to appreciate the things we learn along the journey. You did nothing more than have a few bumps along the way. That's all that is. Nothing more."
She pulls her head up off my chest and looks at me as if I'm a living miracle. It makes my chest warm to receive it.
"How is it you can spout a few philosophical words of wisdom and have me turning my perspective around?"
"I'm just brilliant that way." I grin at her.
"You are kind of brilliant," she says with a laugh and then looks at me mischievously. "And kind of sexy."
"Oh, yeah?" I ask, smiling back at her.
Andrea pushes up off me and scoots backward, down between my legs. Her hands work at the button and zipper of my shorts and then she has me in her grasp, stroking and squeezing me with beautiful torment.