With This Heart(78)

His hand trailed up my thigh, and his finger sunk into me, testing how ready I was. It was such a sexy move, but it also scared the crap out of me.

“             Uh, Beck,” I murmured, and he looked up to meet my eyes. “I’m excited…I really am, but I also feel like I might cry or puke or something.” My lips twisted into a playful frown.

It wasn’t about being ready. I was more than ready, and I was confident in my decision to lose my virginity, but my brain wouldn’t shut up. I couldn’t just live in the moment.

His features relaxed instantly and his once dark hazel eyes lightened to their usual luster. “I think we’re being too serious about it.”

“             Maybe so…I mean I know your penis is meant to fit inside of me, but it just looks really…             big             .”

He barked out a laugh and let his forehead fall onto mine. “It will fit, Abby.”

“             Are you calling me loose?” I laughed.

He pecked my lips. “You’re so ridiculous.”

When he rested his forehead against mine his body had shifted over me. We were perfectly aligned. His hips were pressing mine down into the bed so seductively. His mouth captured mine so that his tongue and hips moved in the same rhythm. He was driving me insane.

“             Okay, okay, I want you to do it. Please.” My breathing picked up and I could feel my heart thumping against his chest.

He grinned down at me. His eyes held mine in a sweet exchange as he reached between our two bodies and worked the head of his penis inside of me. It felt foreign and much, much too big, but then I realized I was clenching every muscle in my body, including my jaw.

Beck held up his weight, but let his mouth fall against my ear. “Relax, Abby. Relax.” His words were soft and sweet and I found myself heeding his instructions. I took a deep breath and he pressed into me another centimeter. One more deep breath.

It hurt like hell. Television and movies have it completely fucking wrong. It felt like my skin was tearing and I couldn’t breathe. I could only concentrate on the excruciating pain.

“             Beck, I don’t know. I don’t know,” I kept repeating because I didn’t know what was supposed to happen. It didn’t feel good and I knew it was a vicious cycle. The pain made me tense up more and then the less relaxed I became, the more it hurt.

“             Abby,” Beck whispered into my ear, shushing me and calming my erratic heart. “Stay with me, Abby. Relax and breathe. Your body is ready. There’s lube on the condom, but you have to relax.”

I was about to argue and tell him how badly it was hurting, but then I took a deep breath, and in that moment the pain seemed to lessen. He was more than halfway inside of me and the worst of it was over. Each passing breath took with it the remnants of the pain. Beck kissed my neck and coaxed my hips wider apart and circled his fingers over me a few millimeters above where he was penetrating me. It was like a whole new world of pleasure unfurled before me. He was reminding me of why we were doing this in the first place. The feel of his fingers rubbing me as he slid into me hit me like a bolt of lightning and I moaned his name. Loud and unrestrained.

“             That’s it, Abby. Let me touch you.” His words were magic. His fingers were magic.

“             You’re like Houdini,” I moaned, and he let out a low husky laugh. Now that the pain was over, I felt silly for making it such a big deal.

“             It hurt so bad.” I could feel tears drying on my cheeks. I hadn’t even realized I’d cried.

His movements paused and he looked up and met my gaze. “Does it still hurt?”

I wrapped my arms around his back and dragged my nails across his skin. Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough for him to realize that I was no longer in pain.

With one sweet groan, he pushed all the way inside of me. My head fell back against the pillow as I tried to get accustomed to the feel of him. All of him pressing against every single part of me.

After another moment he started rocking his hips, making sure to keep the pace gentle enough so that he wouldn’t hurt me. His fingers, slick with remnants of us, rubbed my clit with gentle circles, edging to the exact spot that made my insides tumble upside-down. I ground up to meet him, pressing us together harder until his finger swiped once more and I exploded into tiny little pieces. It wasn’t like last time, coming with him inside of me felt carnal. I came harder and longer, as if my body had something to hold onto to make the pleasure last as long as possible.