He was already pulling me along, practically lifting me off the sand behind him. Little kids looked up just as we narrowly missed taking down their hastily-built sand castles.
“ Beck! What if the salt gets in my eyes?” I asked just as my toes dipped into the cold water. It felt amazing. “My sunscreen hasn’t soaked in!”
“ Close them!” He didn’t even pause to reassure me. He took me farther out until a wave hit my thighs. The wave after it hit my stomach. Each one rocked against my slight frame, threatening to break my connection with Beck, but he held on tighter.
“ On the count of three, hold your nose and close your eyes!” Just as he finished his orders, I looked up to see the wave-of-all-waves rolling toward us. It looked like it would swallow me up whole.
“ Beck!” I screamed, half-fearing for my life, half-giddy with anticipation.
“ One, Two, Three!” he called. I plugged my nose and closed my eyes just as Beck pulled me under the surface so that the wave washed over us. The cold water met my face with an icy splash, and for a moment I forgot I was under water. I smiled wide and briny water slipped over my tongue. I didn’t mind the taste and I didn’t have long to consider it because in the next moment Beck was pulling me to the surface. He was laughing wildly and I joined in, feeling the laughter in every cell of my body.
I wanted more.
“ Let’s go out farther!” I shouted, starting to pull him away from shore. I knew the dangers of the ocean: rip tides, under currents, sharks eating me alive, etc. But I didn’t care. I trusted Beck and I knew he wouldn’t let the ocean harm me if he could help it.
“ There’s probably a sandbar soon. Let’s try and reach it,” he commanded.
I could still touch at that point, but the water was getting higher and higher as we went. My heart didn’t kick into overdrive until the water hit my neck. I wasn’t sure how long I’d be able to tread water in the ocean. Calm water in a lake was one thing, but something about the ocean seemed inherently scary.
“ I think you’ll be okay, but if you need to you can climb onto my back like you did in the lake. Okay?” I didn’t want to need to rely on him, but I was glad the option was there nonetheless.
“ Are you sure there’s a sandbar out there?” I asked, trying to find reassurance in the unknown.
He stopped moving us forward and turned to look at me. “No. I honestly have no clue. We can either try to reach one and maybe end up getting eaten by sharks, or we can stay here and wonder for the rest of our lives if there was a sandbar just a few more yards in the distance.”
I didn’t respond right away. Our eyes locked together. Hazelly madness and sage green. I had to squint as the sun glistened against the water. Then, slowly, a grin unfolded.
“ The shark would definitely want to eat you. You’re much more meaty. So, really, I have nothing to worry about. Let’s go.”
I thought he’d start pulling me out to sea right away, but instead he leaned in and kissed the edge of my mouth. When he pulled back I had no clue what he was thinking. His features were indistinguishable and his gaze was focused on our goal.
Was that a kiss kiss, or did I have food on the side of my mouth from breakfast? Dear God, if I had granola stuck to my face, please let a shark eat me right now.
We started swimming, finally releasing our hands, but sticking close enough that our arms touched whenever our strokes aligned. I tried to control my breathing so that I wouldn’t embarrass myself with my lack of endurance. I didn’t have an excuse. I wasn’t the sick girl anymore. My body was healthy, my heart was healthy. I could do it.
I took a deep breath and pushed against the waves trying to rock me back to shore. Beck slowed his pace so that we stayed together.
Then finally, he let out a cheer and I turned to watch him place his feet on the ocean floor and stand up. Not a second later I followed suit and felt my feet dip into sand. We’d reached the sand bar. My breaths were labored and heavy, but I felt like I’d accomplished something much more profound than simply swimming out into the ocean. I know it might be hard to understand, but two months before that I couldn’t walk to the bathroom without feeling winded. The idea of exercising or using my body as anything other than a vessel for watching TV, reading, and sleeping, had seemed like a cruel joke.