If Beck wasn’t at MIT, I would survive and laugh off the experience. Maybe. But, if Beck had a girlfriend, I didn’t know what I would do. A year is a really long time and we hadn’t spoken once. Not once after his month of calls. I’d be lying if I hadn’t secretly wished that it had been a situation like The Notebook. I’d even asked my mom if she was hiding away all of the love letters that he’d sent me. She just rolled her eyes and told me to get out of my apartment and take a walk. Still, it was nice to think that maybe Beck hadn’t moved on from me with the snap of a finger. I mean, the idea of someone writing you a letter everyday for a year is pretty romantic, but also unrealistic. That’s a lot of paper and a lot of postage.
Suddenly a knock on my dorm’s door rattled me from my thoughts and I looked up just in time to see the door pop open. I held my breath as a girl with long brown hair and a slew of freckles walked into the room, rolling a suitcase behind her. Her eyes scanned from the empty bed, to our desks against the windows, and then down to the floor where I was sitting with my legs pulled up to my chest.
What a great first impression. I looked like an escaped mental patient.
I saw her swallow and then a tiny smile spread across her lips. She was just as nervous as I was.
“ Hi,” I offered, confused about which social skills I was meant to employ in this situation. For the past year, my closest friends were my life coach, Danny the Drag Queen, my gay neighbors, and my parents. I hadn’t made a real friend since Caroline’s death, and now that I was staring at someone my age, I felt my lungs constrict in fear of what she thought of me.
I hopped up to my feet and realized we were practically the same height.
“ I’m Abby,” I offered gently.
“ Hi.” She smiled timidly. “I’m Sammy.”
We stood silently, soaking in the awkwardness of our introductions, and then I finally spoke up. “I picked this side because of the sunlight, but if you want to swap, we definitely can. I just wanted to face the window when I wrote,” I kept rambling, pointing to various things in the room as I went.
She interrupted me mid sentence. “Oh, no. No, that’s perfect. I don’t mind.” Her voice was small, like a mouse.
I exhaled, trying to calm my nerves. Then I laughed, a tiny giggle that turned into a belly-aching laugh. Sammy looked at me like I’d just stepped off Pluto, but then I think the situation sank in for her and she started laughing as well.
“ I was really nervous about having a potluck roommate. None of my friends from home got into this school,” Sammy explained as she sat back on her bed, finally relaxing.
I shrugged and sat back on my bed as well. “I think we’ll be okay.” And I meant it. It felt good to know that I’d have a friend soon. That even if things with Beck didn’t work out later, I’d still have Sammy. “I can help you grab your stuff, if you have more?”
Her face lit up, “That’d be great. And then,” she paused, fidgeting with her stuff on her bed, “we could get lunch if you want? There’s this sandwich shop down the street that looked like it had vegetarian options.”
“ You’re a vegetarian!? So am I!” I smiled wide, holding the door open so we could head down to grab her luggage.
I ended up spilling my plan to Sammy after we’d returned from lunch and exploring around the city. Not so much because I wanted to divulge secrets with her, but more so as a public service announcement. She had the right to know that I could be potentially wallowing on the floor of our dorm unable to muster the energy for any human contact for the next few days. Yes, that was the worst case scenario, but still feasible.
“ Wow… that’s really brave,” she commented as I laced up my Keds.
“ It doesn’t feel brave. It feels reckless, like I’m throwing myself into oncoming traffic,” I laughed, wondering if we were to the point where I could divulge my true sense of humor. Her laughter put my mind at ease.
“ Do you want me to walk over with you? I won’t stay if you don’t want me to.” Her tone sounded so sincere that I could almost hear Caroline cheering from wherever she stood watching that moment.