With Every Heartbeat(147)

Zoey. God, not Zoey.

“Quinn, you know me.” She was crying.

The anguish in her voice hurt. My own eyes instantly filled with moisture, and I wanted to punch something.

“Please.” She caught my arm. “Would you just stop and look at me.”

I stopped and whirled around so fast she gasped and cringed away from me. I gnashed my teeth because every instinct inside me wanted to reassure her and apologize for spooking her.

“Damn it,” I muttered and spun away again, veering to the left so I could pace into the park. “Damn it.” I clutched my hair and walked into a tight circle before bending at the waist and trying to exhale all the pressure pent up in my chest.

“Quinn?” Her voice was timid as she slowly approached.

I dropped my hands to my sides and looked at her, suddenly numb and blank.

She stopped a few feet away and wiped the tears off her cheeks before hugging herself. “Why are you acting this way?” she finally asked, confusion and pain filling her expression. “You know I would never betray you, could never betray you.”

“Y-y-you—” I wasn’t going to be able to say anything right now without stuttering, so I growled out my frustration and spun away. When I spotted a bench nearby, I collapsed onto it and slumped my elbows onto my knees before burying my face into my hands.

A moment later, Zoey gingerly sat on the opposite end of the bench. I could feel her sitting so close and yet so far away. Everything in me that loved her strained her way, begging me to just reach out and gather her into my arms. But I stayed cold and hard and kept myself the entire length of the bench away from her.

She sniffed, letting me know she was still crying. “You don’t believe me, do you?” Her voice trembled. “You think Ten and I...”

I swallowed and my throat felt like it was on fire. “I believe you,” I finally said, my voice so hoarse, I’m surprised she heard me.

But she must’ve heard because she said, “Then why are you still all the way over there?”

I thought about it for a second longer, then I scrubbed the heels of my hands over my face hard and sat up straight. When I turned to her, she looked about as awful as I felt.

“It hurt when I found out Cora had cheated and lied about everything,” I said, shaking my head. “But when you walked out of that room like that, with Ten, it…it destroyed me.”

More tears filled her eyes. “But I didn’t—”

I just kept shaking my head. “Doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I believed it for five seconds or five months, it ripped me apart, and I don’t ever want to feel like that again.” I apologized to her with my eyes before admitting, “I’m not ready for this.”

She whimpered and whispered my name. More tears slid down her cheeks.

“I thought I was okay after...after what she did. I thought I’d handled it and gotten over it. But...I think she did break something in me. I think I need time to heal. I think...I think it shouldn’t scare me like this to realize how deeply I’ve let you in.”

And I had let her in...completely. I hadn’t even questioned it when she’d told me she was on the pill. I’d just believed, because she was Zoey. That made me twice the idiot since I should’ve learned my lesson after Cora.

I thought Zoey was going to crumble, but she straightened her shoulder and nodded before looking into my eyes and rasping, “I understand. I knew you needed time after her. I just...I should’ve made you take that time instead of convincing myself you were okay.”

I think watching her stiffen her spine and bear this hurt more than if she’d kept on weeping and begging. I swallowed the lump in my throat, but it wouldn’t go down.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I’m so sorry.”

She laughed softly and wiped at the last of her tears. Pushing to her feet, she murmured, “I’m the one caught coming out of a bedroom with some guy and you’re the one apologizing? You’re something else, Quinn Hamilton.”

“It feels as if I stole your innocence, and now I’m just shoving it right back in your face.”

“You didn’t steal anything.” With a smile, she pushed to her feet. “You can’t steal something that was given freely.” After a regretful sigh, she leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. “Go and heal. Just...take care of yourself, Quinn.”

I snaked my arms around and snagged her around the hips, drawing her against me so I could bury my face in her waist. Her smell enveloped me and consoled me. I squeezed my eyes closed, knowing even as I was pushing her away, she was the only person who could comfort me at a time like this. Her fingers in my hair almost made me purr.