“I think you’re scared.” My eyes smarted with tears. “I don’t know why, but you seem to think you can’t have it all, that you can’t care for me and care about your work. We’ve only known each other a few weeks. There’s no reason we can’t take things slow and see how they go, but if we do, then we have to talk about it. You and I have to work together and try and fight to figure things out.”
“But—”
“I care about you, but I can’t be your everything,” I barreled on. “What will you do if you give up your work? You love being a Ranger. I’ve seen you working a handful of times and it’s written on your face. We can’t be two halves of people coming together—that’ll only lead to a broken relationship. We need to be two whole people before we can work on us being one together, and I don’t think you want to do that.”
“Of course I’m scared,” he said, his voice as soft as a knife slicing through air. “But we have rules for a reason. If someone gets hurt on my watch, or if my decisions are not solid, or if something happens to you, then what?”
“I want to be with you.” I stepped forward, a salty tear coursing down my cheek. “I would love to make a relationship work, or at least try. But what are you going to do, work at the supply store? Ask Harpin for a job stocking tea?”
“What do you want me to say?” He ran a hand across his forehead. “It’s an either or situation.”
“I want you to be with me, but I want you to be happy, too,” I said. “Tell me honestly. If you gave up your Ranger career to be with me, would you be happy?”
His extended pause was all I needed to hear.
“That’s what I thought,” I said softly. “This situation isn’t hopeless, X. Times change. Rules evolve. There is a way for you to keep your career and have a relationship with me if you want it badly enough. I can’t force it on you, though. I can argue and fight for it all I want, but at the end of the day, you have to decide what makes you happy.”
“Lily…” He drew me to him, his fingers cinching the skin on my hips until it bordered on painful.
I pressed my face to his chest and gripped his shirt as his hold on me loosened. He murmured an apology, encircling his hands around my back, his lips reaching for mine.
He held me tight, the two of us wrapped in an embrace as the cold water danced over our ankles. My skin prickled with goose bumps, but my face warmed under his kiss. His tongue slipped into my mouth as his hand raked over my bare back—gentle, but possessive. The summer dress I wore flowed down to my feet. It was strapless, for which I was grateful as his hands ran over my shoulders and sent shivers down my spine.
I whispered his name carefully, but the word was swept away by an even deeper sound from his throat.
When he said my name back, I jolted back to attention and stepped away from him.
“No,” I said, my entire body trembling. “I don’t even know your real name. Anything else isn’t fair for either of us. Figure out what you want, and then come and talk to me.”
The rest of the tears began to fall then, so I turned away and ducked my bruised neck. I was vulnerable enough without showing my scars to the world. With my head down, sandals in hand, I shuffled across the sand and away from Ranger X. He called after me once, and I ignored it. The second time he said my name, I started to jog. The third time, I ran as fast as I could in the opposite direction.
His voice carried over the sand and his eyes watched me go, but his feet didn’t follow.
Chapter 29
Three weeks later
“I told you to start getting ready earlier, Mom,” Poppy said. “We’re going to be late.”
“Oh, dear, relax,” Mimsey said, her tone as scattered as her curly locks. She ran her hands over an armchair-patterned dress that looked like it should be covering a bean bag instead of a human, but Mimsey somehow rocked the look anyway. Sweeping another hand through her locks, she muttered something about her glasses.
“Here, Mom,” Poppy said, leaning over and handing her mom the thick-rimmed glasses hanging from a necklace made from bright pieces of sea glass. “They’re always around your neck.”
“It’s been so long since I’ve had an excuse to dress up. It’s not my fault I can’t remember how this works.” Mimsey gave a faux-glare at her daughter. “It’s not like any of you children are getting married. If I had a wedding to go to, maybe things would be different.”
“Yeah, yeah, we’ve heard it. Come on, Zin is waiting. Trinket is going to tear you a new one if we show up late to the ceremony.”