I raised a finger to his lips and pressed it against them. “Not now. Whatever you’re going to say, just wait. Think about it before you speak. You’re stressed, and emotional, and…” I sighed. “You’re a Ranger. You know the rules. You’re not allowed to get married, or...or have anything resembling a real relationship.”
He began to speak, but I shook my head and he fell silent.
“I’d never come between you and your career. I know how much it means to you. Whatever you say now is influenced by the situation. Your emotions are running high, and you’re not thinking with your head.”
“I don’t think you realize how much you mean to me.” He didn’t flinch as he said the next line. “I’d give it all up for you in a second, and that became crystal clear when you were lying in my arms next to dead. In that moment, I didn’t remember a thing about being a Ranger. My training was all but useless, and my instincts were dull. The only thing I could do was hold you and hope. I was useless. I didn’t choose to fall for you, Lily, but it happened somewhere along the way and I’m afraid it’s too late to go back.”
I couldn’t speak. My hands reached for him of their own accord, my fingers running up and down his arms as my mind fought to find the words to say. “I care about you a lot too. More than you know,” I said finally. “But I can’t interfere with your job.”
“You already have. It’s dangerous for me to think I can protect you. When Zin brought you back, I should have leapt into business mode, but I didn’t. I was helpless. I froze. I have never frozen before, and I’ve seen friends and family die. I’ve fought the worst and trained with the best, but at the end of the day...I was crippled by what I feel for you.”
I sucked in a few breaths and forced a smile. It was a lot right now. Too much to process at once. “Well, look at it this way: Just because rules are in place, it doesn’t mean things can’t change. Look at Zin for example. I bet nobody expected to see a female Ranger ten years ago. Why is it so hard to think that a Ranger could balance a career and a serious relationship?”
“Rules are in place for a reason,” he said firmly. “To keep people safe.”
“Sometimes rules need to be re-evaluated. Once upon a time, women couldn’t vote on the mainland. At the time, that rule was there for a reason. Did it need to be re-evaluated?”
He looked down.
“Well?”
“That’s different.”
“Every rule is different. No circumstance or situation is the same, and that’s exactly my point.”
“This is a matter of life and death. What if I was the one to find you lying there on The Forest floor?” He turned a pained expression on me. “Do you think I’d be able to stop and think? You weren’t breathing. If he’d killed you, there is no way I could’ve stopped myself from…” He took a shaky breath. “I wouldn’t have thought logically. I would’ve reacted on basic instincts, and my basic instincts would’ve ended in Thomas dead. I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. That is dangerous.”
“He was going to kill me,” I said quietly. Until now, I’d been hiding my neck. The angry marks made me feel self-conscious and weak, even though it wasn’t my fault. However now, I tilted my neck upwards and exposed the lines to Ranger X. “Maybe your instincts should be trusted.”
“I am the leader of the Ranger program. I have to live by a code.”
“Would any of your Rangers have objected if you’d killed Thomas?”
Ranger X bit the inside of his lip and stared forlornly out into the distance. His code of honor was strong, and I could see his wants and needs and desires all fighting for a place in his heart. The battle stalled, his eyes empty.
“On the mainland we have people who protect the other humans. Firefighters, cops, hundreds of thousands of people risk their lives every day running into burning buildings or standing up to criminals with guns,” I said softly. “They’re allowed to love. They’re allowed to be married, experience life, and be happy. Nobody on this island wants you to sacrifice everything for them. The islanders love you. They won’t begrudge your happiness.”
“Maybe they don’t know what they need.”
“Maybe not,” I said, my voice cracking as I realized the futility of arguing with him. My heart sank and my shoulders dropped, suddenly lifeless. Even my head felt too heavy to hold high. “Do you know what I think?”
Ranger X had been running his hand along his chin in thought, but he paused at my tone. “What do you think?”