Witchy Sour(17)
I walked up to Hettie and nodded at the hoodie. “Do any of your kids dance?”
“Not yet,” Hettie said. “But it’s never too late.”
I sized up the rest of her outfit, and then quickly wished I hadn’t. She wore purple leggings over her starting-to-sag legs, the fabric tight as latex. Over the leggings she’d pulled up leg warmers so woolly she may as well have attached two cats to her calves. The thick gold chain hanging around her neck wouldn’t look out of place on Mr. T.
“You like my outfit?” Hettie asked. “I see you peeking at all the hot stuff I’ve got to offer. I can get you a matching one if ya like.”
“Oh, no thanks,” I said. “I don’t think I could quite pull it off like you do.”
“You’re darn tootin’ you can’t. I didn’t work eighty years on this body for nothin.” She gave her booty a slap with her hand then cackled. “Give yourself another few years and you’ll have the confidence to wear this.”
“If I’m ever that confident, then shoot me,” I mumbled. “Put me out of my misery.”
“What’s that?”
“Nothing. What is Zin doing?”
“I’m training her.”
“Training her to do what...fall asleep?”
Hettie turned and winked. Then she gestured for me to take a few steps away from the clearing. “She wants to become a Ranger, so I offered to train her.”
“Training includes napping? Maybe I want to be a Ranger, too.”
“Nah, I’m teaching her how to not be an idiot.”
I blinked. “What?”
“I told Zin to sit down and put her hands on top of her head and close her eyes. She’s been sittin’ there not moving for an hour now. She didn’t even ask why.”
“And you’re just watching her?”
“It’s hilarious!” Hettie threw her head back and laughed so hard she choked a little on her own spit. Then she wiped the tears from her eyes and put on a very serious expression. “No, that’s not funny at all. I’m instructing her. See, she needs to learn to question authority. No good Ranger ever became famous because they followed all the rules.”
“So you’re just trying to get her to ask questions.”
“Ask questions, fight back, rebel against The Man—you name it.”
I shook my head. “You have a funny way of instructing people.”
“I learned from the best.”
“What do you mean?” I glanced at this tiara-wearin’, booty-slappin’ grandmother with a wary eye. “Who did you learn from, and what were you learning?”
“Come to Ranger HQ with us, and I’ll show you.”
“You’ve been to Ranger Headquarters?” I couldn’t keep the astonishment out of my voice. “I don’t even know where that is.”
“I worked for the Rangers,” she said. “In fact, how do you think Poppy got her job? I helped her out. But do I get a kick back from her salary? No...”
I was stunned into silence. “Wow, I had no idea.”
“Never judge a grannie by her leg warmers,” she said with another cackle. “That’s a second lesson for you today. I’m even teaching you for free. How do you like that?”
Finally, Zin peeked one of her eyes open. “What are you two talking about? Hi, Lily.”
“Just watching the training,” I said with a shrug. “Very interesting stuff.”
“Hettie, will you tell me if I’m doing this right?” Zin asked in annoyance. “I’ve been sitting here forever, and I’m starting to get hungry.”
“You’re doing it right,” Hettie said. “Just keep going.”
Zin snapped her eyes shut and let out a long sigh. “This is stupid!”
“You’ve got to stop this,” I mumbled to Hettie. “You’re making her look like a fool.”
“I’d rather I make her look like a fool than someone else,” Hettie said, twirling to face me, a sharp cut to her words. “The Ranger career path is not an easy one. She’s got to learn.”
“But—”
“You think I want her to be a Ranger?” Hettie grabbed me by the arm and pulled me a few steps away. “Do you?”
I was a bit taken aback by her forcefulness. “Uh, Zin wants the job, so I suppose she’ll try for it regardless.”
“Of course she wants the job. She can do it, too,” Hettie scoffed. “I didn’t raise any imbeciles, and neither did my daughters. Zin can be anything she wants to be. But a Ranger? That’s a hard life. It’s a tough path, and the likelihood of her makin’ it another ten years in that business is slim.”