She looked young and fragile as she stared up at him, her green eyes anxious. She had such a powerful personality it was easy to forget how small she really was, how slender, her bones as delicate as a child’s. She looked like a child right now, in that bulky brown sweater with her hair pulled back in a ponytail.
But she wasn’t a child.
“Alex, I—I’m so sorry. I wish things were different.”
“Yeah? Different how?”
“I was afraid this would happen. You’ve been so good to Will and me—you took us in after the fire, made us feel at home. I don’t know what we would have done without you. And you and I…we were building a real friendship, a friendship that…that meant so much…and now it’s destroyed.” Her lower lip trembled. “I wish we’d never slept together.”
That felt as harsh as any blow he’d ever received on a football field. He stared at her. “How can you wish that? Those nights with you were the best nights of my life. Making love with you was—I don’t have words for what it was. And I know you were there with me.”
She looked away from him. “That’s not what I meant,” she said miserably. “I didn’t mean…of course I feel the same way. About…about those nights. But we’d be crazy to think we could have anything more than that. Just look at our track records.”
He took a step closer to her. “You mean my track record. But Holly…the way I feel about you…I’ve never felt like this about anyone.” It was now or never. “Holly, I love you.”
She fell back a step, looking stunned. “What did you say?”
“You heard me.” He ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes against the rays of the setting sun. “And I’m guessing from your horrified expression that you’re not about to say you love me, too.”
“Alex, I—I can’t.”
“Can’t, or won’t?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
He opened his eyes. “Yes, you do. I know you feel something for me, Holly. Don’t you want to give this a chance? To give us a chance?”
She folded her arms across her chest. “Alex, you’ve never even left a toothbrush at a woman’s house. You’ve always liked playing the field. And now you expect me to believe you’ll give that up—give up your freedom? Give it up for a single mom with a teenage son?”
“Yes.” He meant it with his whole heart, but Holly didn’t look convinced.
He sighed. “Holly, it’s true that I’ve never been in a serious relationship. But did you ever stop to think—”
“What?”
He took in a breath and let it out. “I’ve wondered about it, too. Why none of the women I’ve dated ever got under my skin. Why I never seem to meet The One.”
He took a step closer. “Maybe the reason I never met The One is that I already have. Maybe the reason no woman can get under my skin is that you’re already there. I was always too proud to admit it, even to myself—but I think I’ve been in love with you for a long time.”
The sun dropped behind the hills, bringing dusk, and the shadows made the air seem colder. Holly shivered, wrapping her arms around herself.
“Alex, you can’t really think—why would you say—”
“Holly, I’m just telling you how I feel. I love you, and I love Will, too. I want both of you in my life. Isn’t that enough to take a chance on?”
And then he felt Holly withdrawing from him, actually felt it, as if she were physically pulling away.
“You feel that way now, but—Alex, you can’t guarantee the future. If we only had ourselves to think about, maybe we could take a chance. But like you said, Will is in this equation, too. I can’t take a chance with Will’s happiness, not ever. I won’t risk him getting hurt.”
“He got hurt tonight.”
“I know, and it was because of us. He’d get hurt a lot worse if we tried being a couple and things fell apart. If he got attached to you, not just as a coach but as some sort of father figure. I’m sorry, Alex, but I just can’t do this.”
Her face looked remote, as if she was already gone. And Alex knew he was beaten.
He was still breathing, but the action felt strange, alien. His chest felt empty, as if something important had been taken out.
His skin was clammy with dried sweat. “I need to take a shower,” he said, and his voice sounded strange in his own ears.
Holly’s lip was trembling again, and his instinct was still to comfort her, to take her in his arms and pull her close.