As Evan’s continuing bad luck would have it, Tina had already been approached by four conversationally unimaginative men during the last two hours. All four had started with a similar question, and they were each clearly interested in Tina only as a sexual object. So by the time Evan came by, Tina was more than ready to dish it out.
“Well I realize it’s not a great opening line,” Evan began excusing himself, “but you’ve gotta start somewhere, right? So why not with what you do?”
“Because that’s probably the worst question you can ask a woman you don’t know.”
“Why?”
“It’s about as original and sincere as a flight attendant greeting.”
“Is it really that bad?”
“Guys ask me that question all the time. You think any of them actually cares what the answer is?” Tina perked up her chest a little, as if to emphasize what they really care about.
“But I do care.”
“I’m sure you do,” she replied. “Which is why I’m sure you stopped to consider the possibility that I might not like what I do, or might not want to discuss it with a stranger.”
Evan realized that he had to get off autopilot fast, because the young beauty in front of him was far sharper than he had estimated. He feared that he would soon be adding her to the list of females who had abruptly walked away from him in the middle of his attempt to “make a new friend,” as he liked to think of his bungles.
“So,” he began, “should I have started by asking you what you don’t do?”
“Maybe.” Tina released a slight, reluctant smile at the question. “At least it would have been more original.”
“All right,” Evan started anew. “So tell me. What do you not do?”
“I don’t tell guys I don’t know what I do.”
“OK. What else do you not do?”
“I don’t play basketball.”
“How funny! I also don’t play basketball,” he said, forgetting his love of the game.
“I don’t approve of how the city government handles New York’s solid waste problem.”
“Couldn’t agree with you more about solid waste,” Evan replied, despite his complete indifference to the issue.
“And I don’t particularly like your outfit.”
“Really?” Evan smiled with some embarrassment. “It’s actually refreshing to hear a woman say what she really thinks, at my personal expense…”
“At least you don’t have to wonder what I really think.”
“I actually spent four hours in the store, consulting with every female in the area, before I bought it.”
“That just goes to show you that your shopping time isn’t helping the quality of your shopping decisions.”
“I hate shopping.”
“It shows.”
“Say, can we restart this conversation at some point where I was doing better?”
“There is no such point,” she responded with a playful half-smile. “You were always doing this bad.”
“So I should probably quit while I’m ahead?”
“Probably,” Tina replied, mysteriously. “But I’ll let you crash and burn for a little longer by telling you what I do for a living.”
“Thank you…I guess.” By now, Evan was at once intrigued, intimidated, and otherwise totally at a loss with respect to how he should proceed with this woman.
“I actually don’t know why I’m going to share this information with you…” Tina paused for a moment, to give the value of her confession the respect and seriousness that it deserved. “Because I ordinarily don’t tell this to strangers, but for some reason I trust you.” Tina suddenly seemed vulnerable and exposed to Evan, who now felt awkwardly unworthy of whatever it was that she was about to disclose about her job.
“You know, we really don’t have to talk about what you do,” Evan said, trying to match Tina’s tone. “I mean, people start there because it can tell you a lot about someone’s choices in life, and what their day to day life is like, but sometimes it can be very misleading. I mean, look at me. I’m a computer programmer.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’m another survivor of a dot-bomb,” Evan explained, putting the best spin he could on things. “My company went bankrupt two months ago, and I’ve been freelancing as a software development consultant. But that has nothing to do with my real passion, which is writing.”
“What do you write?”
“I’ve been working on a novel for the last five years. And I’ve written a bunch of screenplays as well.”