Raven was afraid of me.
“What do you think she was? A goblin?” The words were light, but the tension between us was anything but.
“A Spirit Elemental,” he breathed out.
There, the words were finally in the open. I didn’t deny them, seeing as my mother was exactly what he thought.
“Are you talking to the others? To Vetch and Briar?” I made myself say the words, and to not cringe as I spoke them. Raven was one of two siblings I was close with. He was of an age that Bramley—my brother, who Cassava had killed—would have been. Raven always stood with me, tried to help soften the cruelty of his mother and our other siblings. With the recent changes in Bella’s relationship with me, he was no longer the only one I could truly call a friend as well as a sibling. But the thought that he was afraid of me burned a hole straight through my heart. “Raven, please tell me you aren’t afraid, too.”
Clutching the table, he slowly shook his head. “I don’t know what to believe. Vetch says the information about Keeda came from someone he trusted. Someone who had no reason to lie to him. And now your reaction confirms the truth in it. If you would hurt her, one of the weakest siblings, what would you try to do to the rest of us?”
Goose shit and green sticks, I was my own worst enemy. “So Vetch, Briar, and you have been discussing whether I’m dangerous to you?”
“And Bella,” he said softly, his eyes flicking downward.
If he had taken one of the carving knives and jammed it into my stomach, I’m not sure it would have hurt any more than the sharp pain his words cut into me.
“Bella wouldn’t,” I spat out, pushing back from the table. Whatever appetite I had was gone.
“It’s not like that, Lark. She . . . she’s the ruler right now; she has to know the mood of her people. And like it or not, any of our siblings could be in line for the throne. Bella is being smart; she needs to keep her fingers in every discussion she can. Particularly when it comes to our siblings.”
I didn’t want her to be smart. I wanted her to tell them they were horrible and that she trusted me even though I had to make tough choices. She of all the people in my life knew the truth of what happened to Keeda in the Pit.
Thinking she was about to become the new queen of the Pit, Keeda had attacked me. Wearing a disguise, I’d thought her to be my stepmother, Cassava. I’d used everything at my disposal to stop her, including my untrained, and wildly unpredictable, ability with Spirit.
In doing so, I’d burned out my sister’s mind, taking away her personality and memories, along with most of her ability to speak—everything that made her an Elemental. The grief and horror of my actions were raw, oozing like an infection I couldn’t heal.
Anger cut through the weaker emotions. Belladonna knew I had had no choice but to stop Keeda the way I had. Damn her for turning on me.
Peta dug into my bare shoulder, jabbing me with her tiny—yet ridiculously sharp—claws. “Don’t be a fool. They are wary with reason.”
The anger slid out of me with a slow exhale. She was right, as was so often the case. “Please don’t be afraid of me. Please. I promise I would never hurt you. You’re my favorite brother.”
A tentative smile crept over his lips, curling up more on one side than the other. “I believe you. I’ll try to sway Vetch and Briar, but they are scared. Terrified, actually, if I am honest.”
“Fear makes people do stupid things,” I said, repeating his words. “What do you think they are planning?”
He shrugged. “Nothing yet. A lot of talk about how horrible you are. How much Vetch hates you and wishes you’d died along with your mom and brother.”
“Right. So nothing new there.”
“Nope, sorry, sis. You still suck rotten apples even though you’ve saved the Deep and the Pit. In the Rim, you’re still nothing but a dirty little Planter.” He winked to soften the words, but there was for the first time a feeling of discord in him I’d never sensed before.
Almost like he believed what he was saying. The urge to use Spirit to discern how truthful he was snaked through me. I tamped it down. Every time I used Spirit, I lost a part of myself.
Eventually, if I kept using it, I would end up like Cassava. A twisted, cruel version of the person I’d once been. Besides, this was Raven. Like Bella, I knew he had my back. Wasn’t he proving it by giving me the heads-up on my siblings? Yes and yes.
“Raven, stay out of trouble while I’m gone, will you?” I stepped away from the table. A part of me wanted to hug him goodbye, but after our conversation, I wasn’t sure he’d let me touch him. Better to not reach for him and be rejected.