Willow Brook Road(15)

“She’d actually painted the nursery this time, because she knew it was going to be a girl,” Bree said. “I was over there just last week and she had drawers filled with frilly little outfits for the baby.”

“That’s so sad,” Carrie said, unable to imagine the depth of Susie’s disappointment. She’d been so brave all through her bout with ovarian cancer, even after finding out she’d never have children of her own. Now this.

“Is there anything I can do?” Carrie asked.

“She has to come to us,” Bree said. “She’ll do that when she’s ready. I’m hoping she’ll talk to Jess. For being such rivals when they were kids, they formed a really close bond during Susie’s cancer treatments. Maybe she’ll open up to her.”

“And if she doesn’t?” Carrie asked, not liking the idea of Susie going through this alone. Families were supposed to stick together in times of crisis, even when the person pushed them away. That was another of the lessons Nell had taught all of them.

“Then we’ll go to her in a few days,” Heather assured her. “You, too, if you want to come.” She sighed. “Although right now I have a new baby at home. I’m not sure how she feels about that. She says all the right things, but I’ve seen the stricken look on her face when she has to be around the baby.”

“So have I,” Shanna said. She and Carrie’s uncle Kevin had just had another child, as well. “She skipped the whole christening and the party afterward. She had an excuse, but it was pretty flimsy.”

“It must just about kill her to be around all these babies in our family,” Bree said. “But we can’t feel guilty about it. All we can do is try to be understanding and supportive.”

Carrie sat back in her seat and sighed, thinking of Sam and how he’d become a dad when he least expected it. Did he appreciate what a gift that was? Maybe in time he would, but right now there was little question that he was struggling with it. And there was Susie, desperate to hold a child of her own, but running out of options. Life sometimes truly was unfair. Nell would assure them all that God had a plan, but Carrie sure wished He’d let them all in on it.



Mack was at his wit’s end. Susie had been sitting on the deck of their home on Beach Lane for hours, staring out at the bay and clutching the handmade baby quilt she’d bought at Heather’s shop.

He’d known when she’d brought it home that the quilt was a bad idea and that painting the nursery and buying a boatload of baby clothes were even worse ideas, but Susie hadn’t been deterred. She’d believed with every fiber of her being that this time they were going to get their child, a daughter, according to Connor’s former associate in Baltimore, the lawyer handling the arrangements.

“Babe, come inside,” he begged. “You need some sleep.”

She shook her head. “Not yet.”

“You were out here all night.” He knew because he’d awakened to an empty bed. He’d checked on her half a dozen times during the night, but she’d refused to come back to bed.

Heaving a resigned sigh, Mack brought his coffee and joined her on the deck, ignoring the look that told him she’d prefer to go right on being alone.

He set the coffee aside, then pulled his chair close enough to reach for her hand. Even though it was a warm morning, her hand was like ice and trembled in his, but at least she didn’t pull away.

Susie was the bravest, most courageous woman he’d ever known. He’d never seen her this defeated, not even when she’d been battling cancer and sickened by chemo and radiation. She’d had her share of down moments, her doubts about her future, but this was different. There was a steely resolve behind her decision to give up, one that left little room for argument or hope.

“I love you,” he told her, holding on tight, willing her to draw on his strength.

She turned and gave him a vague smile. “I know.”

“Are you ready to talk about this?”

Once again she shook her head. “What is there to talk about?”

“What we’re going to do next,” he suggested.

“Nothing,” she said flatly. “It’s over.”

“It’s only over if we give up.”

“Well, that’s what I’m doing. I’m giving up.” She turned and gave him an earnest look. “I can’t go through this again, Mack. Now I have some idea of how women feel after miscarriages. They carry this little baby inside of them, inside their hearts, even if only for a few weeks, and then it’s over. There’s no baby to hold.”