I burst into laughter. “Fifty shades of cray?”
Boo takes in the sun with her eyes closed; she purses her lips and nods. “And then some.”
Another thing that’s changed in the house is that I get to go outside whenever I like. Whether it’s supervised or unsupervised. And that makes me happy. Although I’m not a big fan of the sun (Irish, remember? I get sunburnt from fireworks), I like knowing I can see it when I want.
Boo and I have been coming outside for our daily vitamin D for weeks now. She said it helps with training because vitamin D helps you absorb calcium, which the body needs for a number of reasons. She also informed me that ten percent of people in the US are vitamin D deficient, and that a huge portion of those are women, which means that a lot of those women are also calcium deficient.
So here I am, getting my ass some vitamin D.
The hot afternoon sun blisters down to a mellow warmth as sunset approaches and I ask, “Have you ever been drunk before, Boo?”
Making a choked sound through her nose, she utters, “Uh, yeah. A few times, actually. More than enough for my adolescence. My ma had a hard time controlling me when I was a teen.” She pauses a moment before she asks, “Why?”
Shrugging, I explain, “I was just curious. I never got to do any of that stuff and now I feel like I never had a complete childhood. I’m twenty three and I have a long list of ‘never have I ever’s. ” Scoffing at myself, I say, “That’s messed up. I’m upset about never having been drunk before. Who does that?”
Boo defends me immediately. “You do. Because you’re Delilah fucking Flynn, bad mamma-jamma and woman with a soul too old for her age. And if Delilah Flynn wants to get drunk, Delilah Flynn is gonna get drunk.”
By God! That was the best damn pep talk I’ve ever had!
That settles it.
Tonight, I’m getting drunk.
***
As soon as I step into the kitchen, the smell of frying bacon assaults my nostrils. Normally, the smell of such deliciousness would cause me to do a little jig where I stand, but today…it makes me want to barf.
Nox stands at the stove wearing a black pair of cargo pants and a navy skin-tight tee with bare feet, his hair is still wet from this morning’s shower. When he turns to look at me, he bursts into laughter at the poor sight of me.
He laughs so hard that my ears ring.
I don’t want him to tell me I told you so, so I walk over to the counter and sit as normally as possible, making out that nothing ails me. He smirks and speaks in loud tones. “I’d bet you’re hungry, princess.”
I fight the urge to swallow hard and hold my breath from the smell of the bacon and eggs.
I thought bacon was meant to make everything better?
Nox grins, “Mmmm. Bacon. I love bacon. Fried, greasy bacon. The fat melts to nothing. So crisp you can crunch it. Oh, and eggs. Let’s not forget how great eggs are. Packed full of protein. Fried in bacon grease. I just love to scoop out the gooey, slimy yolk.” He shudders at the word slimy. “I know some people don’t like it, but as far as I’m concerned, the slimier the better. Hell, I eat eggs raw.” He acts out cracking an egg on the counter. “Just crack and…” He lifts his imaginary egg above his open mouth. “…just drop that fucker in. Oozing, raw goodness. Feels a bit like eating a whole handful of boogers. I mean,” A cruel smile appears on his face. He leans forward and into my face, “imagine eating a whole handful of phlegm.”
Oh, shit. I’m gonna ralph.
Bolting out of the kitchen on shaking legs, I just make it to the bathroom before I gag and retch. I puke up next to nothing, just green, foul-smelling bile. My stomach is empty but I still gag. A cold sweat has broken out over my entire body and I shake.
Oh shit. This sucks so bad. Why the hell do people drink that shit?
Clearing his throat at the door, I feel something cool on the back of my neck. It’s like immediate relief. My stomach calms. “Oh, thank you. I’m never drinking again. As in ever.” I say hoarsely. I rest my cheek on the toilet seat, unable to give a damn that someone probably took a shit on it this morning. Nothing matters more right now than giving my tired body a little breather.
Nox squeezes the back of my neck and shakes it lightly. He says quietly, “Take some aspirin, and when you think you can eat, I’ll make you a nice bowl of oatmeal. It’ll settle you stomach.”
I hear him make his way back into the kitchen and I’m surprised. He didn’t gloat. He didn’t say I told you so. He was actually nice.
What a dick!
He did that on purpose. Now I can’t be mean to him or I’ll look like a jerk.