Chuckling, I roll my eyes at her over dramatics. Suddenly remember this morning’s rude awakening, I crook my finger and her eyes widen. Her feet shuffle slowly towards me. Once she’s a few feet away, I bend at the waist until we’re almost nose to nose. I half whisper, “Where were you this morning?”
Her face softens. She whispers back, “You were tired. And it was my fault. I thought I’d let you sleep.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Our quiet conversation has drawn the attention of Boo, who stands over at the breakfast bar leaning towards us, straining to hear what she can. When she catches my glare, she makes a ‘pffft’ sound and goes back to cooking.
By the expression on Lily’s face, I can see she doesn’t get what the big deal is. I explain softly, “I’m responsible for you. Not Boo. Not Rock. Me. Me alone. I get that you weren’t far, but I need to know where you are. Every second of every day. I know you’re pissed-”
Cutting me off, she says quietly, “That’s just it. I’m not pissed. Not anymore. You were right. I’ve moved on. I-” Avoiding my eyes, she admits, “I want to start fresh, too.”
…Say what?
Lily avoids my gaze a few seconds longer before our eyes meet. Her green eyes wide and doe-like. My gut tells me to watch my back. Closely. Narrowing my eyes, I assure, “I don’t know what you’re up to, Delilah. But I’m onto you.”
Shock momentarily forms on her face; just as quickly, it transforms to anger. She hisses, “You’re out of your mind! I’m calling a truce here, Nox. I’m only offering this once, so take it or leave it.”
Against my better judgment, I take her small, outstretched hand and pump it twice. As soon as I let go, she smiles, “See? Not so hard, was it?”
Without answering, I walk over to the breakfast bar, take an apple, and bite into it. From behind me, I hear, “So I was wondering if I could speak to my sister?”
Oh boy.
Turning, I make a show of slowly chewing. Sliding her eyes down to my mouth, her lips part, she swallows hard and quickly looks away.
What was that?
A dark smirk forms on my face, “I see. Truce, huh? So you’ll only cooperate if I do what you want? Nice try, Lily. Not how it works.” Turning my back, I start to walk away when I’m held back.
Lily grips my hand tightly, her eyes plead. “No! That’s not what I meant.” Placing a hand on her chest, she breathes deeply. Swallowing hard, her eyes flutter and she lets go of my hand, placing it on her chest.
I’ve seen this before.
Panic attack.
Stepping forward, I take hold of her waist and guide her to a chair at the dining table. Sitting her down, she wipes the sweat off her forehead with an unsteady hand and heaves, “Sorry…” Pant. “I don’t know what’s…” Pant, “happening to me.”
Feeling like an asshole, I clear my throat and begin, “I think you’re developing panic attacks.”
Still heaving in deeply, she squawks, “What? No way!”
“Yeah. So you need to tell me what’s bothering you so we can fix it.”
Lily looks up in thought, her breathing slows slightly and she replies, “My family. Not being able to talk with them. It makes me…thinky…and…itchy.”
Should’ve seen this coming.
Opening my mouth to answer, Lily cuts me off with, “How about if you let me talk to my dad and sister once a week? You name the day and time and what I can and can’t talk about.” Hope flares in her Granny-apple-green eyes. “I’ll listen. I swear. I’ll do whatever you say. Just knowing I’m not cut off from them helps. I’m feeling better already. Look!” She pats her forehead and shows me her dry fingers.
Doesn’t matter what I do, I’m always gonna be the bad guy to Lily. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but fuck me, it does. Knowing I can’t give her what she needs to feel safe and happy while she’s in my care…it blows. Okay, so she’s the first young woman I’ve had to watch, but there’s something about this girl. I can’t put my finger on it. She’s…different.
“Lily, I-” Her face falls and I explain slowly but firmly why this is complicated. “Listen, there are things you don’t know.” Lip quivering, her eyes shine bright as I continue. “Firstly, your dad and mom aren’t on a secure line so we have to keep calls to them under five minutes. That’s all you get if I allow it. Secondly, Mitch is keeping Terah somewhere safe. Somewhere like this. There’s a reason for separating you. I can’t tell you about it right now, but what I can tell you is that not even I know where she is. I can talk to Mitch and try to pry a phone number out of him, but I can’t promise it’s gonna happen.”