Wicked Grind (Stark World #1)(57)

He's dangerous, that man. My heart already broke once over him. I'm not sure I could survive a second time.

"Kelsey?"

"He just scares me," I say, then wait for her lecture. Except it doesn't come. Instead, she just looks at me a little sadly and takes another bite of her pathetic, naked salad.

"And that's not the only reason," I rush to add, because suddenly it seems as if protecting my heart is a stupid reason that I have to justify. "It may be summer break, but I have a job. As a kindergarten teacher, you might recall. I can't pose like that. Once the school gets wind of it, I'll be out of work in a heartbeat."

I teach at a public school, and the district is pretty conservative. Even if it weren't, though, erotic kindergarten teacher photos just wouldn't fly. If the school didn't fire me, the parents would make my life miserable.

I can tell from Nia's face that this point resonates with her. "The photos were really that racy?"

"Even you couldn't imagine these photos," I say dryly, to which she raises her eyebrows with interest.

"That seals it, then. Whether you're in it or not, we're going to the premiere."

"Nia!"

"I'm just trying to lighten the mood." She pushes her half-eaten salad away and leans back. "Maybe you ought to do it anyway. I still say it would be good for you." 

"No," I say firmly. "It wouldn't." I don't tell her that I thought that very thing last night, as I tossed and turned on Griff's bed, where he insisted I sleep despite my protests. I'd tell myself I could never pose like that, and especially not around Wyatt. Then I'd tell myself that the only thing in the world that I really wanted was to do exactly that. To feel for longer than a few short minutes the way I'd felt when he'd touched me last night.

In other words, I'm a mental mess, and I'm not even around the guy.

"Have you considered that you can see him but not pose for him?"

"You mean date him?" The idea makes my body warm in a positively lovely way. "I couldn't possibly."

Her gaze dips to my wrist. "Cool bracelet," she says, glancing at my silver cuff in the shape of infinity. "I don't think I've seen it before."

"Oh." I feel my cheeks burn, and I'm absolutely certain that Nia knows everything. "I've had it for a while."

"Uh-huh."

I slide my arm back under the table, then use my other hand to sip my iced tea. I'd gone home to change after I woke up at Griffin's. But I don't know what possessed me to pull the bracelet out of the box of keepsakes I store on the top shelf of my closet, much less why I decided to wear it today.

Then again, maybe I do know. Because the bracelet is a reminder of something I want-but also something I can't have.

Nia's eyes go from the bracelet to mine. "You want to tell me again why you can't possibly date the guy?"

"Dammit, Nia," I snap, and she laughs.

"Tsk-tsk. Language, Kelsey."

I sink back in the booth. "You're pushing my buttons."

"Too bad you want them pushed by someone else."

I glare, but otherwise ignore her smug expression and singsong voice.

"I'm just saying."

"Fine," I snap. "You win. I'm not going to date him for a lot of reasons. Not the least of which is because he's not interested in me. He's still holding a grudge. All he wants to do is punish me. He said so himself."

"Oh, please. He said he wanted to punish you, and then he got you all hot and bothered? No. Trust me. He wants you. He's pissed at you, I'll buy that. But he wants you."

"Well, he can't have me, because there's still reason number two-he's not good for me."

"I'm not so sure about that, either," Nia says. "You're a mess today, I'll grant you that. But you're also kind of glowing."

"I am not." But I don't protest too much, because part of me knows she's right. Yes, I bolted. But the reason I did has a lot to do with the way he made me feel. Lit from the inside. Alive.

And, yeah, there might be a bit of a lingering afterglow.

But that really isn't the issue.

"Being with him isn't good for me," I repeat more firmly. "And it definitely isn't good for other people."

Her shoulders fall as she exhales, then reaches for my hand. "Sweetie, what happened to Griffin wasn't your fault."

"Yeah," I say, tugging my hand away. "It was."

"Fine. Whatever. I'm not going to argue about it anymore. You think it was your fault, then fine. Avoid Wyatt. But don't avoid life. You're wound up too tight, girlfriend. And you know your father's an ass-I know you know, because we've talked about it. You need to let go a little. Because if you don't, you're going to suffocate and die inside. You'll be walking and talking, but you'll just be a shell of Kelsey. You know I'm right, even if you won't admit it out loud."