Whisper to Me(52)

Now it was my turn to hold my breath. I looked away, pretending I was watching the band set up.

“I don’t think so . . . not anymore,” she said, taking her time to carefully think about it. I blew out a breath but disguised it by taking a swig of my drink. “I think in a way, I’ll probably always care about him. But I see now that our relationship was childish, really. I’m not sure I know what real love is. Like, at all.”

“That makes two of us,” Dakota said.

“Three of us,” Shane said, raising his glass in a toast.

I clinked their glasses but kept my mouth shut. Because I think I absolutely did know.

But I was willing to let Rachel go, if that was what she needed in order to be happy.





Chapter Twenty-two


Rachel





Kai had left the table to talk to the guy working the soundboard, someone he seemed to know. I also understood it was natural for him to want to be where the music was. I thought he likely was miserable working for his father and felt lost this summer.

Neither of us seemed to know exactly who we were yet. Who we wanted to be. Except maybe who we wanted to be for each other. That felt natural, easy, almost primal.

Immediately I missed the nearness of Kai’s body. His thigh brushing against mine beneath the table. When he’d placed his fingers on my leg in a show of support, I’d nearly melted on the spot. That was the effect he had on me.

I was dreaming up excuses for how to get close to him again tonight, because after that conversation with Miles, I was ready to either get drunk or laid. It beat being alone in my own head for too long. I hated to envision another painful discussion taking place between Kai and me in a few short weeks. So maybe it was time to branch out, pick up somebody else in the casino. Dakota would just think I was trying to move on from Miles, so it would be a win-win for both of us.

Even though I’d spotted some good-looking guys playing poker across the way, I couldn’t keep my gaze from swimming back toward Kai. Noticing how his ass moved in those tight jeans, the bottoms straight and skinny, almost tucked into his black-and-white checkerboard Vans. How his biceps and forearms were muscled beneath the sleeves of that tight burgundy casino T-shirt he was required to wear.

Maybe my brain was messing with me. I had just met with Miles and I was already thinking about the next time I’d be able to see Kai alone. Ask him to hold him. Kiss me. Make me feel good.

Was it that we kept our trysts secret or that he made me feel safe? Safe even from my feelings over Miles. Was I, in fact, still insulating myself from those emotions? Every time I had the urge at TSU to email Miles, look him up online, ask him how he could have walked away so easily, I would find a new guy—preferably a jock—to get lost in.

But Kai was no jock. He was so different from Miles, from anyone I’d been with. So I was even more confused as to why I wanted him so damn much. And I was pretty sure that it came down to how he made me feel, inside and out. How he made me pant for him. Come for him without having sex. Just from the movement of his fingers.

Upon hearing the first note from the band, my eyes immediately sought out Kai again. He had moved toward the far wall to watch them perform. They were a cheesy nineties cover band, the same kind Kai would’ve snubbed his nose at in years past. His sense of music was refined, and he always despised the boy bands and pop music, which made it difficult to listen to the radio in the car when he was around.

I watched as a girl approached him. She was thin, statuesque, and gorgeous. She touched his arm, and his eyes briefly lit up, as if in recognition. My heart vaulted to my throat, my blood pulsing through my veins, as an unexplainable emotion coursed through me.

As she engaged him in conversation, I tried my hardest to keep my focus on the exchange between Shane and Dakota, rather than on Kai and Barbie.

“See, what’d I tell you about my brother?” Dakota said, following my line of sight.

“Leave him alone, he’s not doing anything wrong,” Shane said. “Just how it is. He’s a good-looking dude, a chick magnet—always has been.”

“You’re a good-looking guy,” Dakota said, but her tone wasn’t playful. “Are you saying the same is true for you?”

There was a jealous edge to her voice, and I couldn’t help picking up on the current running between them. I narrowed my eyes at Dakota. She finally remembered I was there, straightened, and looked away guiltily.

I was so cornering her once we were alone. She was going to tell me exactly what was going down between her and Shane.

But when I imagined her questioning the newfound chemistry between Kai and me, I changed my mind. Things might be better left unsaid, especially if Shane and Dakota didn’t yet understand the tension between them, either.