“What made you decide to tell me all of this now?” I said, trying to compose myself yet again and failing miserably. “Why wait three years, make me go through hell wondering what in the fuck was going through your head?”
“I was immature. I didn’t have the balls.” His eyes leveled on me. “I’d like to think that I’ve got myself together and am now admitting to my mistakes.”
At the cost of my feelings, I wanted to say, but I didn’t. Because on the one hand, I was grateful to truly know what he’d been thinking. I’d always wondered. Hell, I had killed myself wondering. And one day soon, it would sting less.
“I just didn’t feel like I could go on any longer without telling you how deeply sorry I am.” I saw his eyes skate over my shoulder to something behind me and I wondered just who or what he was looking at. “Do you think you can ever forgive me?”
“Forgive you?” I blinked at him. He wanted me to absolve him.
And it should have been a profound moment between us as he waited for my answer. Except that he stole a look behind me again. This time I turned in the direction he had just glanced only to see a blond girl subtly shaking her head at him. “Who in the hell are you looking at?”
“Damn it, Rachel. I’m sorry.” He sighed. “That’s . . . Melanie. She’s . . . a friend and she’s kind of here for moral support.”
I considered flinging my drink in his face, but then thought better of it when I spotted Dakota in my peripheral vision, rounding the corner on her way to the other bar on the opposite side of the casino. Hadn’t I also come seeking moral support from my friends?
“Please, don’t be upset. She encouraged me to talk to you. And . . . being around her helped me figure out that maybe I have stronger feelings for her than I’d realized.” And now he looked love-sick, and I wanted to punch him in the face. “Ha . . . haven’t you been dating anyone, Rachel?”
Nope, just sleeping around with every Tom, Dick, and Jock to get you out of my head. How pathetic. He might actually be moving on to a significant relationship, and I’d done nothing more than have meaningless flings.
I stood up, wanting to get as far away from him as possible—and I had never felt that way about him before. But I didn’t want to be in his space any longer. Not one goddamn minute more.
The truth of it made my knees feel weak. I grasped at the edge of the table.
“I need to go. Thanks for baring your fucking soul,” I spat out as his mouth hung open. “Have a nice life.” Asshole.
Chapter Twenty-one
Kai
Rachel looked visibly shaken. Miles seemed shell-shocked as well. Fuck, what the hell had the two of them discussed? My shift was just about over, so it was the perfect time to make sure she was okay.
But as I picked up my pace in switching over the drawer to the next cashier on duty, I saw Rachel head toward Dakota and Shane, who were already seated at the other lounge across the way.
I looked around the casino to see if I could spot Miles, as my hands clenched into fists. I wanted to follow him and break his fucking nose. But I was too late. He had slipped out the main entrance with the blond I’d seen earlier at the roulette table. Besides, another fistfight wouldn’t go over well with my father, especially in his casino.
As soon as Rachel reached Dakota, my sister pulled her into a tight hug and then tried to steady her shaking hands. That only made me work faster.
I tried to look as casual as possible walking to the table, not like I was ready to yank Rachel into my arms and comfort her.
Except Sam cut me off at the pass. He must have just gotten off his shift at the blackjack table.
“Kai, I wanted to tell you about the visiting hours at the hospital.”
“Okay, right,” I said, turning toward him. “Of course.”
Rachel twisted in her seat at the sound of my voice. “Sam, this is my friend, Rachel.”
“Hi, Sam,” Rachel said, her lips lifting at the corners. “Nice to meet you.”
He gave a slight bow. “The pleasure is all mine.”
“Sam’s grandson Micah is at Northeast Community Hospital,” I explained. “He’s in bad shape right now awaiting a heart transplant.”
Different emotions passed through Rachel’s eyes. Sadness, sympathy, and maybe understanding.
“Thought I’d bring my guitar to the hospital and play some tunes for him or something.”
“I’m so sorry, Sam,” Rachel said, her mouth turned down in a frown. “But Kai here is the perfect person to visit Micah. He’s great company.”
She gave me a disarming smile and then waved as Sam said his good-byes.