I groaned and slumped farther down in my seat. “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”
“You’re a different person now.” He bowed his head to meet my eyes. “Maybe seeing him for who he is will help you leave the past behind.”
I bit my lip, considering the truth of his words. “Since when did you get so smart?”
“Since always.” A cocky grin lifted his cheeks and made my chest ache. When it came down to it, I loved Kai for his friendship, for his honesty, for his loyalty. I don’t want that to ever go away.
I placed my head in my hands. “Gah, I was so afraid I’d ruined our friendship.”
I felt a warm hand on my back and raised my head to look at him. “Kai, you’re . . . very important to me. You know that, right?”
His eyes connected to mine so firmly it was as if we’d been woven into the same patchwork quilt. Each essential to the fiber of the material. And to each other.
“You’re important to me, too,” he said, almost breathless. “No matter what.”
My chest threatened to burst open, so I needed to lighten the mood before I asked him to pull me into his lap. Kiss me. Fuel me. Make me come alive again.
“So, you just go back to being a jackass and I’ll . . .”
“And you’ll go back to being your annoying and obnoxious self?” He reached out and messed with my hair. “And slow as shit. Shelly.”
I grinned. “Works for me.”
Yet something still didn’t sit well. I felt like something was off between us. Or just lost.
He balanced his empty coffee cup on his lap. “But I won’t stop worrying or caring about you, got it?”
I felt my cheeks redden with some residual anger. He’d walked away and yet he now claimed he worried about me? I knew I had no right to feel that way. He had been so supportive, so caring and accommodating.
But he’d also been a screw-up, getting himself in trouble with his band mate and being told in no uncertain terms by his father to leave town. It was irrational to think that he should have held it together for me.
How ridiculous did that sound—we weren’t even dating.
He was just living his life as he always had. I should’ve just been grateful that he had taken the time to visit me every day in the rehab center. I’d felt so close to him back then and maybe that was part of the problem. I felt as if I knew him. Really knew him. I had shared so many pieces of myself with him.
But at times he seemed to hold himself back. I didn’t always know what was going on beneath the pain in his eyes. He would go out and party and get himself in trouble yet again. But friends were supposed to accept each other, faults and all, right? I needed to get over myself.
“We haven’t been around each other in years,” I said, trying to keep the bitterness in my voice at bay. “I’ve taken care of myself just fine.”
“So I’ve heard.”
My head snapped up. There was no denying the sullenness present in his voice.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing.” He leaned all the way back in his chair, propping his feet up again. “Forget I said that.”
“No.” I pushed at his legs to get his full attention. “Talk, right now. Say what you want to say. No secrets.”
He hesitated as if formulating the right words. “I’ve been checking up on you.”
“What? How?” I moved my lips to say something else but no words would come out. I couldn’t imagine what he was about to tell me. Had he known someone I’d fucked around with? A sickening dread climbed its way up my throat and I balled my fists as I waited for his reply.
That’s when I saw the regret that filled his eyes. “My cousin Nate.”
“Nate,” I parroted back. I tried to jog my memory as to who Nate could’ve been. I may not have remembered all the guys I’d made out with, but I certainly remembered the guys I’d slept with. Usually they were guys I already knew. And they were almost always jocks. I had a thing for athletes. I liked their dedication to the game and—who was I kidding—their huge muscles and tight asses in those uniforms.
“He knows you from TSU,” Kai said. “Some parties. A couple of classes.”
Realization washed over me. That Nate. Bennett’s friend. Suddenly I was so damn grateful I’d never hooked up with him. He wasn’t my type and wasn’t anyone I wanted to have angry or hard-up sex with. Thank God.
“Nate is your cousin? But you don’t look anything alike. . . .” My words trailed off and he waited to see if I’d put two and two together. Nate had blond hair and looked like the boy next door. Definitely all-American. But not Native American. “Is he a cousin on your mother’s side?”