“Yes, we probably do.”
“I tried everything, and finally stopped arguing with him about the time, the money, and convinced myself to simply wait it out. He’d had obsessions before, pulled away a bit before, but he always settled back again.”
She paused a moment, tucked the swing of her hair behind her ear. “This time, it was different. He told me he was filing for divorce. Just like that, as if it was nothing but a formality. He didn’t want our life any longer, couldn’t pretend to love me any longer. Again, I won’t bore you, but he shattered me. We fought, and said terrible things, as people do, and he told me he’d been involved with Lindsay, that she was his soul mate—those hackneyed words—and that they intended to be together.”
“That must’ve been terribly hurtful,” Abra said when Eden fell silent.
“It was horrible. The worst moment of my life. Everything I loved and believed in was slipping through my fingers. He said we’d tell the children over the weekend so we’d have plenty of time with them to ease the blow, and in the meantime, he’d sleep in the guest room, and we’d maintain a civilized front. I swear to you, I could hear Lindsay’s words coming out of his mouth, her way, her tone. You understand me?” she asked Eli.
“Yeah, I do.”
Her shoulders very straight, she nodded. “What I say next is without my lawyer or the police present, without the record, but I feel you deserve to hear it, and for me to say it to you.”
“I know you killed her.”
“Aren’t you interested in knowing what happened that night? In knowing why and how?”
Before Eli could speak, Abra laid a hand over his. “I am. I’d like to know.”
“There’s that balance at work. You’d walk away because you’re so angry, and she’ll help you stay because knowing will help you close the door on this, as much as you ever will.”
“You had to confront her,” Abra began.
“Wouldn’t you? He called to tell me he’d changed his mind and we’d have to put off telling the children together for a few days. Lindsay was upset because she’d fought with you, Eli, and she needed to get away for a few days. He needed to be with her. She needed, he needed. Nothing his family needed. I think they brought out the worst in each other,” Eden said. “Their most selfish selves.”
“You may be right.” Eli turned his hand to hold Abra’s, and thought how lucky he was.
“So, yes, I went to confront her, to try to reason with her, even to plead with her. She was angry, very angry still over your confrontation, what you’d said to her. And, I think, looking back, maybe a little guilty. But not enough. She let me in, took me into the library because she wanted to finish it, clear the slate, so she and Justin could move on. Nothing I said made any difference to her. Our own friendship meant nothing, my children meant nothing, my marriage, or the hurt they were causing. I begged her not to take my husband, not to take the father of my children, and she told me to grow up. This was how things were, how things worked. She said horrible things to me, cruel things, vicious things, and she turned her back on me. She dismissed me and my pain as nothing.”
After a pause, Eden folded her hands on the table. “The rest blurs. It was like watching someone else, someone else who grabbed the poker and struck out. I lost my mind.”
“That might work,” Eli said evenly, “if your lawyer’s as good as you are.”
“He’s very good, but regardless, I never went into that house intending to harm her, but to plead with her. And when I regained my senses, when it was too late, I thought of my family, my children, and what this would mean. I couldn’t change what I’d done in that moment of insanity, and I could only try to protect my family. So I went home. I took the clothes I’d worn there and cut them up. I bagged the pieces, weighed them down and drove out to throw them in the river. Then I came back home, and I started dinner. When Justin came home, he was hysterical, so I realized we could protect each other, as it should be, as it’s meant to be, and we’d try to put it behind us and rebuild our marriage. I felt he needed me. Lindsay would have ruined him. In fact, she did. And what she left me was a man I couldn’t fix, couldn’t save. I let him go, and did what I had to do to protect myself.”
“But you stood by and let what you’d done ruin Eli’s life.”
“I couldn’t stop it, or change it, though I was sorry, sincerely, that someone who’d been betrayed as I had would lose so much more. But in the end, I didn’t ruin his life. Lindsay did. She ruined his, mine, Justin’s. Even dead, she ruined us all. Now my children will be scarred.”