Tears fall uninhibited down my cheeks, and I do nothing to hinder them. Leaning forward, I rest my head on my hands as a sob tears through me. The ache in my chest is just as agonizing as it was the day it happened. My heart hurts, and I try to rub it away with my fist. This is a broken heart.
Before losing Nate I thought it was just a phrase people threw around. I didn’t realise not only did it exist, but it was the worst possible pain one could imagine, feeling it flow right through my veins. When will it stop? When will I be able to think of Nate without struggling to breathe?
I try to take a deep breath, sensing him so strongly here. I’m positive I can smell him, hear him, and feel him. Do I even remember those things? The way he smelt, the sound of his voice, the way his hands felt on me, my hands on him? Of course I do. They’re etched into my brain, playing over and over like a dream I can’t forget or escape.
I lean back in the office chair, refusing to open my eyes, and take comfort in everything that is Nate. I don’t want to think. For the first time in eight months I don’t want to analyse every little thing. I want to empty my mind and just feel.
So I do.
I awake with a start as my phone rings in my pocket. Did I doze off? How long have I been in here for?
Grabbing my phone out I quickly glance at Saxon’s name flashing on my screen before sliding the bar across. “Hello,” I answer groggily.
“Brooke?”
I clear my throat. “Yeah.”
“We’ve stopped for a short coffee break and I thought I would call and see how you were doing.”
“I’m fine, Sax.” Frustration is clear in my tone. He would freak out if he knew I was in here.
“Okay,” he sighs. “Look Jeanie rang me on the way here and I forgot to tell you earlier she’s left a few messages at work this week. She’s hounding me about coming around for dinner and making sure you come too.”
“Oh yeah?” I say sarcastically.
“Come on, Brooke,” Saxon begs. “Don’t force me to deal with her alone. Can I book in a night with her for some time over the next few weeks?”
“Fine,” I breathe, running my fingers through my hair.
“Thank you,” he says, and I can hear the smirk in his tone. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Talk to you later,” I mumble before hanging up. I run the conversation over in my head, and it occurs to me how domesticated it was, like we’re an old married couple. I glance back down at my phone, checking the time. Shit. I’ve been in here for over an hour.
Jumping up out of the chair and striding towards the door, I quickly head out, making sure to lock it behind me. Slipping the key and phone into my pocket, I head for Ruth.
“Any messages?” I ask breathless as I stand before her.
She hands me the memos. “Just a couple. Although Mrs. Willis rang several times looking for either you or Saxon. She sounded … urgent.”
I roll my eyes, and Ruth laughs. I don’t think I can avoid Jeanie much longer. I’ve been lucky to keep it to the minimal amount I have over the past months.
“You may as well pack up and go home for the day. Saxon won’t be returning, and unlike him, I can make my own coffees,” I tell Ruth.
She snickers. “Well if you’re sure, I’ll send these last emails and get going.”
“Of course, have a good night.”
I head back into my office and prepare myself for a long night of paperwork.
I do my best work at night and am at my most productive. With no staff to chat with, no incoming emails to disturb me, and especially tonight, with no Saxon to distract me, I’ve powered through this pile of paperwork.
Putting my arms up and stretching my back, I glance at my computer clock. It’s nine pm, and I‘m done. I’m hungry and tired so I decide to send this last email and call it a night.
After closing down my computer, I grab my purse out of the bottom drawer, and my coat off the door hanger, switch the office lights off, and lock the door.
Heading down in the elevator, I lean against the back wall and close my eyes. I’m absolutely exhausted and hope I can make it home without falling asleep behind the wheel. I make a mental note to drive with the window down. The cold air will keep me alert for sure.
The elevator doors ping and I step out, feeling the chill and automatically wrapping my coat a little tighter around myself as I make my way to the car.
Heavy footsteps pound behind me, and my heart stops. Holding my breath, I spin around, only to see Paul walking down the entry ramp.
I breathe out. “You scared the living shit out of me.”
My breath comes fast and my heart pounds.