I can vaguely feel eyes watching us and awareness washes over me. My heart aches with the knowledge of what they are probably thinking. Guilt sits heavy in my throat, and I try to swallow it down. This is definitely not how business partners dance.
I look up at Saxon causing him to lift his head from mine. I’m too wrapped up in this feeling to let any of them ruin it. He holds me tighter and intertwines our fingers as we stare into each other’s eyes, both smiling, at what I’m not sure. We look like two goofy idiots, and I can’t help but revel in it.
Focusing on this moment with him, I know Dennis was right about one thing. I am nothing without Saxon.
The past week since the gala dinner things have felt unsettled. I can’t explain it, and everything seems to be running like usual. Maybe I’m unsettled. Maybe those comments and stares at the gala have rattled me more than I’d like to admit.
I stand to go make another cup of coffee, the only thing I seem to be drinking lately, when Saxon opens my door and saunters into my office.
“I thought I’d come see if you needed anything before I left?”
“You think I won’t cope without you?” I snort.
He rolls his eyes at me. “The meeting will be for a few hours so I probably won’t return to the office today.”
“No worries,” I tell him as I lead the way out of my office.
“Getting coffee?” He raises his eyebrows.
“Yes, heading down now.”
“You’re drinking way too much of that shit,” he says with a furrowed brow. “Walk with me?”
“Sure.” I roll my eyes.
“What are your plans for tonight?” Saxon asks as we wait for the elevator.
“I’ve got a fair amount of end-of-month stuff to complete so I’ll probably be here for a few more hours. Then I’m going home, soaking in a hot bath and lounging around, eating junk in my jammies.”
He smiles widely at me. “Sounds fun. Can I come around after dinner?”
“Actually, I’m really tired and looking forward to just vegging out.” I glance away, unable to meet his eyes.
“Right.” His voice drops. I hate hurting his feelings, but he knew what my answer was going to be.
After all these months we still haven’t spent any time at my house except for Saxon picking me up on occasion, and I’m just not ready for it yet. That’s Nate’s house. The home we shared. The house we were meant to bring our babies home to. I can’t have Saxon there. Not only does it already feel like I’m betraying Nate, but I would feel like I was rubbing salt in the wound. It’s stupid. I know it’s stupid. Like he’s there watching over me at home, but can’t see me at work, or Saxon’s apartment, or his car.
Trying to lighten the mood, I bump into his side. “Aww, are you going to miss me? Can’t go one night without seeing me?”
Saxon looks down at me with a sombre expression as we step into the elevator. “Yes, I am,” he states firmly, not taking his eyes off mine. “What have you done to me?” He laughs but there’s no humour in his voice.
The elevator door opens, and I’m thankful for its perfect timing, saving me from responding to his comment.
“Have a good night, Brooke.” He leans down and lightly kisses my cheek.
“Bye, Sax,” I exit the elevator.
When I turn to look at him, I see the sadness written all over his face before the doors close and the elevator drives him away to the basement parking.
Gah. I really hate this week.
Spinning around to get my coffee fix, I see Harper is sitting at her desk, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.
“What was that?” she asks, surprise in her voice.
“What?” I play dumb. “Saxon is leaving for the day, can you take messages for all his calls, please?”
“Well, you mustn’t be ready to talk about it yet if you’ve stooped to insulting my competence and abilities.” I roll my eyes at her. “Fair enough, keep your secrets,” she says with mock indifference.
“How are things with Aiden?” I ask her, finding a subject to distract us. Her face lights up, and I know I’ve hit the jackpot.
“Oh, Brooke, he is so wonderful. We’ve been seeing each other nearly every day since the club and the few days we couldn’t, we’ve spent the night on the phone. He treats me like such a lady. Well, except in the bedroom.” She snickers.
“Okie, dokie. I don’t want to hear that.” I hold my hands up to signal her to stop. I can still hear her laughing as I exit the foyer and head towards the staff room.
Bill is on the phone as I pass his office so I just give him a wave as I go, focussed solely on getting my next hit. Never being much of a coffee drinker, I’m thinking Saxon is right, and maybe I should cut back. To go from one coffee a day to easily more than six can’t be good for me.