Wherever You Will Go(40)

Shaking his head, Saxon stands and throws a few bills on the table. “He’d be rolling over in his grave.”

“What about you?” I poke. Saxon looks at me funny. “Amber. Come on, you know as much as I do that if Nate were still here he’d be razing you about your … ummm … fuckercising lady friend.”

Giggling, I pass him and make my way out of the restaurant as he shakes his head at me.

Once I’m settled in Saxon’s car, I smile, thinking about the wonderful time we had at dinner, laughing at myself, at Saxon, and even about Nate.

My heart feels a little lighter and once again I have Saxon to thank for it. Tonight I saw the old Saxon, the carefree, smart-ass, loving-life Saxon. I wonder how long it has been since he laughed like that too.





Driving Brooke home, I notice the tension in my shoulders has eased. To see her at dinner like that, full of spitfire and attitude, it was a glimpse of the old Brooke. The Brooke I remember from college. I wonder if she was like this with Nate and kept her innocent, well put-together façade on for public only.

In college she was full of life, a sassy little thing, always teasing someone or razing them up, giving as good as she got. I guess being with Nate and trying to fit into his upper-class family made her rein it in. Not that Nate would’ve wanted her to change or hide who she really was. He loved her more than anything, but sometimes people rub off on you. Nate was a serious guy, always really mature for his age, and saw things from a more grown-up perspective. Nate was always the voice of reason. Not that I ever listened, but he was there for all the rebellious decisions. All the tattoos, all the drinking and all the women, always asking if I was sure.

I guess Nate changed Brooke like he changed me. How he made me a better person. You couldn’t help but be a better person when you spent time with Nate. He made you want to, and not because he looked down on you, but because you looked up to him.

Smiling as I think about Nate, I glance over at Brooke staring out the window. I wonder how she’ll cope without him. How I’m meant to help her cope, how I’m going to take care of her.

As we pull up to her house she lets out a huge sigh and turns to face me.

“I had a really nice time tonight, Sax. Maybe we could do this more often? Like make it a regular thing or something?” She’s nervous, and a hint of a sadness tinges her voice. She doesn’t need to be unsure. I vowed at Nate’s funeral I would look after her. After Argo, she is my first priority.

“With all the work we have to do I’m positive we have lots of late nights and office dinners in our future, Brooke.” I wink at her as she gives me the sweetest smile. Hell, I’ll eat dinner every night with her if it’ll make her smile at me like that again.

I watch as she lets herself into the house and closes the door behind her. My phone begins ringing beside me as I make my way to my apartment. Glancing over at it, I see Amber’s name flashing on the screen. Fuck. Is this woman for real? She’s become more persistent lately, and she’s starting to really piss me off. She can feel me pulling back, and she’s digging those fucking fake nails into me and trying to hold on for dear life.

Deep down I know Brooke is right. Amber is holding out for something more. She thinks she can be the one to change me. She thinks she’s special enough to make me stay. If only she knew how many have tried before her, how many there are like her out there. The only reason she has lasted as long as she has is because I seriously don’t have time to go out and pick up a new one like I used to. I know it’s fucked up, but it’s the truth, and I have been nothing but honest with her since we met.

My good mood from dinner is vanishing, which pisses me off too. Instead of heading home I make a U-turn and decide to head back into the office to get some more work done. I laugh when I wonder what Nate would have to say about the situation I’ve gotten myself into now.





“How was your date last night?” Nate asks with a smirk on his face.

“We didn’t make it to dinner.” I wink at him.

Nate groans as he falls into one of the chairs in front of my desk. “What the hell, Sax? I thought you said this one was special? Thought you were going to try and make something of it?”

“Trust me, she was special. Especially flexible.” I give him my wide grin.

“How long are you going to go on like this, Saxon? Don’t you want to find someone you can settle down with?” he asks.

“Don’t feel sorry for me. I get to have sex with lots of beautiful women on a regular basis with no strings attached. Trust me, I’m not missing out on anything,” I say just to piss him off, and I hope he drops it.