Deciding to use the extra energy my nap has given me, I unload and sort all of my shopping. I then settle in for a movie night with popcorn, ice cream, and whatever other junk food I can find that Mum and Rachel have stocked my cupboards with.
I enjoy some of my favourite comedies such as Dodgeball, A Night at the Roxbury, and Wedding Crashers. Nate and I would watch these movies over and over again. It brings back lots of different memories and the jokes we would share.
I also enjoy the fact I don’t need to think when watching them. I can zone out for a few hours and not focus on all the big changes ahead of me.
After falling asleep on the couch again and spending the night there, I spend Sunday puttering around the house, trying to keep busy. I’m attempting to keep my mind off things, but I don’t feel up to seeing anybody.
By nightfall I’ve cleaned and sorted all the kitchen cupboards. I’ve scrubbed all baseboards, and cleaned under the fridge, washing machine, and dryer. I’ve also rewashed all the sheets and towels in the linen closet, and cleaned up the leather couches with leather cleaner.
As I’m carrying all the cleaning products back to the laundry, I pass my bedroom, and am caught by the site of my en-suite door, still closed, as it has been ever since that day. I decide tonight is as good a time as any to deal with the damage. Both literally and emotionally. It will be good to start at Argo fresh, without this lingering at the back of my mind.
Making my way to the door, I hesitantly push it open. Glass crunches as I push the door just enough to slip inside. I tiptoe to the counter, glad I have flip-flops on. Placing all the cleaning products except the dustpan and brush on the counter, I bend down and start sorting and sweeping up the mess.
As I scoop up shattered glass, and porcelain, I see evidence of what was once part of Nate’s and my life. Pieces of our favourite perfume bottles. Shards of our toothbrush holder and soap dispenser, which were wedding gifts. Our favourite monogrammed bath towels strewn across the room.
Amongst all of the memories lay various pregnancy tests. Picking one up, I look at the result window. I’m not sure why; I know what the result was. Tears well up in my eyes as the emotions from that day come flooding back: the devastation, the destruction, the anguish, and the despair. Tears fall unchecked down my cheeks until every last piece of rubbish and glass is cleaned up.
Grabbing the garbage bag, I tie it up as I make my way to the door. Looking at the empty en-suite, it doesn’t feel like mine anymore. I switch off the lights and close the door behind me. I think I’ll keep using the other bathroom for now.
After my vigorous cleaning spree, my body is sore and my head heavy. I fall into bed fully clothed on top of the covers, and don’t even have the energy to roll over and turn off the lamp. Tears fall as I close my eyes and beg for sleep to take me.
When I open my eyes on Monday morning, the thought of going into Argo causes my stomach to turn. I throw my legs over the side of the bed and fall straight to the floor as my legs give out from under me. I get up and run to the bathroom.
My whole body screams in pain, and I bring up all the junk food from my weekend binge. My hands shake as I wipe my mouth with some toilet paper. Why am I so nervous?
My muscles pull tight when I stand up from the toilet. God, my body is so sore. As someone who never works out, I have a feeling I overdid it yesterday with all the hard-core spring cleaning. That’s all I need today.
As I grab the towel to wet and wipe my face I think about how stupid I am being. This isn’t that big a deal; there is no need to be so anxious. “Pull it together, Willis,” I chant to myself. But it is a big deal. It’s a huge deal.
I head back to the bedroom with a new determination. Stepping into my wardrobe, I glance around at all the new outfits I have. Deciding I want to feel comfortable, I pick out my new grey fitted skirt and white sleeveless blouse.
Looking at all my beautiful stiletto heels, my muscles spasm, telling me those shoes are not such a good idea today. Well, if I have to wear old lady kitten heels I still want to feel confident, so I also grab my new white lace bra and matching thong. I lay it all out on my bed and head to the shower.
I’m not sure what time I’m supposed to be at the office so I decide to enjoy the shower and let the warm water run over my body and soothe my aching muscles. Yesterday’s activities really weren’t thought out that well. I shave, scrub, and buff before hopping out into the steamy bathroom.
After drying myself off, I go into the bedroom to try on my new outfit. Once I’m dressed, I blow-dry my hair and pull it up into a tight chignon. I pack on my foundation thick to try and hide the effects of the last three months, but keep my eye makeup light and natural by only enhancing my long eyelashes with waterproof mascara. Waterproof just in case I have another episode with Saxon.