“Yes, I will.” No, I won’t.
“Okay, Brooke. I’ll talk to you soon then.”
Thank God. I open my door and as I’m stepping out I turn back towards him. “Thanks for the coffee and getting me out of the house.” I shut the door and then lean in the window. “And thanks for making me shower.”
Saxon’s face breaks into a grin. “You’re welcome.”
Turning around, I head for my door. Letting myself into the house I head straight towards the couch, throwing my purse on the floor as I go. Going out for coffee really takes it out of a person when one hasn’t left the house for so long.
As tired as my body is, my mind is wide awake. I think about going to work in the office, if I could really do it at the moment, if at all. Even though I wasn’t going to even consider it, and I told Saxon I’d think about it just to please him, it’s the only thing on my mind all night.
Rolling out of bed, I have to drag myself to the coffee machine. I barely slept last night thinking everything over. Wondering if I could really do this? Was I ready to move forward? Thinking about everyone I’d have to face at the office, all the sad stares and awkward conversations I would have to endure, made me remember why I had locked myself away for three months.
Lying in bed last night I realised I wasn’t only stopping myself from moving forward, but I was stopping everyone else as well. I was holding Saxon back from leaving and doing something on his own. My parents had postponed their three-month European getaway indefinitely. Rachel had been offered a job across the country, and she didn’t even consider going for an interview.
I’ve been selfish and ridiculous. By going into the office I wouldn’t be leaving Nate behind; I would be continuing his dreams and keeping his memories alive. I know he would’ve been so disappointed if he could have seen me during the last three months. Knowing how Nate was so understanding and considerate of my feelings, I’d made excuses and told myself he would understand.
I’ve been immature. Saxon is suffering too. Others are grieving, and I’ve only thought of myself.
I figured these revelations would bring me some peace, but unfortunately the excitement and nervousness then took over and consumed me. Now I couldn’t wait to start my new life. A life? I would have a life.
As I wait for the coffee to brew I look at the clock on the oven: 6:30 am. Being a Saturday it was probably way too early to call Rachel, but I didn’t care. She would understand. I wanted to get things moving before I chickened out.
I pour myself a cup of coffee and head to the bedroom to retrieve my phone.
It rings several times before I hear a mumbled response. “Brooke?”
“Rach, what’s up?”
“Brooke, are you okay? What’s wrong?” There is shuffling and I assume she’s sitting up in bed.
“Nothing’s wrong. I was just calling to see if you wanted to go shopping today and I didn’t want to miss you before you made other plans, if you haven’t already.”
“I don’t have any plans today,” she says sceptically. “What kind of shopping are we doing?”
“Clothes shopping. I’m going into the office on Monday, and I don’t have many office outfits. I mean, I have a few nice outfits, but I think they scream charity lunch and Sunday mass more than successful career woman. I need more outfits like yours. You always look sexy yet sophisticated. I need your help with this,” I ramble on and throw it out there as casually as I can even thought my hands shake with nervousness. I don’t want her to make a big deal about it.
“What?” she screeches. Okay, so distraction didn’t work. “You’re going into the office on Monday? What, like full-time? You’re going to run Argo?”
“Oh my God, Rach, calm down.” I laugh. “Yes, as of Monday I’ll be working full-time at Argo.”
“What happened? Did I miss something?” she asks with wonder in her voice.
“Nothing. I’ve done a lot of thinking, and I’m ready to move forward.” I pause. “Saxon came over yesterday and took me for coffee. He asked when I was coming into the office and said he thought it would be good for me. It got me thinking and I realised it’s not just me I’m holding back: it’s you, Mum, Dad, and Saxon. I need to take control; I’ve had my way long enough.”
“Brooke, what are you talking about?”
“Everyone has put their lives on hold for me, to look after me. Saxon is staying at Argo so I don’t have to worry about it. Mum and Dad cancelled their trip to stay and look after me. And you didn’t even consider that job offer because of me.”