“It’s not.” He smiled. “Not by a long shot,” he lied. “Come on, it’s not much.”
Carefully she took the paper off to find a secondhand Webster’s dictionary. “Oh, Tate, thank you.”
“Look inside,” he said. Tucked in the P section was a pelican feather, forget-me-not blossoms pressed between two pages of the Fs, a dried mushroom under M. So many treasures were stashed among the pages, the book would not completely close.
“I’ll try to come back the day after Christmas. Maybe I can bring a turkey dinner.” He kissed her good-bye. After he left, she swore out loud. Her first chance since Ma left to give a gift to someone she loved, and she’d missed it.
A few days later, shivering in the sleeveless, peach-colored chiffon dress, she waited for Tate on the lagoon shore. Pacing, she clutched her present for him—a head tuft from a male cardinal—wrapped in the paper he had used. As soon as he stepped out of his boat, she stuck the present into his hands, insisting he open it there, so he did. “Thank you, Kya. I don’t have one.”
Her Christmas complete.
“Now let’s get you inside. You must be freezing in that dress.” The kitchen was warm from the woodstove, but still he suggested she change into a sweater and jeans.
Working together they heated the food he’d brought: turkey, cornbread dressing, cranberry sauce, sweet potato casserole, and pumpkin pie—all leftovers from Christmas dinner at the diner with his dad. Kya had made biscuits, and they ate at the kitchen table, which she had decorated with wild holly and seashells.
“I’ll wash up,” she said, as she poured hot water from the woodstove into the basin.
“I’ll help you.” And he came up behind her and put his arms around her waist. She leaned her head back against his chest, eyes closed. Slowly his fingers moved under her sweater, across her sleek stomach, toward her breasts. As usual, she wore no bra, and his fingers circled her nipples. His touch lingered there, but a sensation spread down her body as though his hands had moved between her legs. A hollowness that urgently needed filling pulsed through her. But she didn’t know what to do, what to say, so pushed back.
“It’s okay,” he said. And just held her there. Both of them breathing deep.
THE SUN, still shy and submissive to winter, peeped in now and then between days of mean wind and bitter rain. Then one afternoon, just like that, spring elbowed her way in for good. The day warmed, and the sky shone as if polished. Kya spoke quietly, as she and Tate walked along the grassy bank of a deep creek, overhung with tall sweetgum trees. Suddenly he grabbed her hand, shushing her. Her eyes followed his to the water’s edge, where a bullfrog, six inches wide, hunkered under foliage. A common enough sight, except this frog was completely and brilliantly white.
Tate and Kya grinned at each other and watched until he disappeared in one silent, big-legged leap. Still, they were quiet as they backed away into the brush another five yards. Kya put her hands over her mouth and giggled. Bounced away from him in a girlish jig in a body not quite so girlish.
Tate watched her for a second, no longer thinking about frogs. He stepped toward her purposely. His expression stopped her in front of a broad oak. He took her shoulders and pushed her firmly against the tree. Holding her arms along her sides, he kissed her, his groin pushing against hers. Since Christmas they had kissed and explored slowly; not like this. He had always taken the lead but had watched her questioningly for signs to desist; not like now.
He pulled away, the deep golden-brown layers of his eyes boring into hers. Slowly he unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it off, exposing her breasts. He took his time to examine them with his eyes and fingers, circling her nipples. Then he unzipped her shorts and pulled them down, until they dropped to the ground. Almost naked for the first time in front of him, she panted and moved her hands to cover herself. Gently he moved her hands away and took his time looking at her body. Her groin throbbed as if all her blood had surged there. He stepped out of his shorts and, still staring at her, pushed his erection against her.
When she turned away in shyness, he lifted her chin and said, “Look at me. Look me in the eyes, Kya.”
“Tate, Tate.” She reached out, trying to kiss him, but he held her back, forcing only her eyes to take him in. She didn’t know raw nakedness could bring such want. He whispered his hands against her inner thighs, and instinctively she stepped each foot to the side slightly. His fingers moved between her legs and slowly massaged parts of her she never knew existed. She threw her head back and whimpered.
Abruptly, he pushed away from her and stepped back. “God, Kya, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Tate, please, I want to.”
“Not like this, Kya.”
“Why not? Why not like this?”
She reached for his shoulders and tried to pull him back to her.
“Why not?” she said again.
He picked up her clothes and dressed her. Not touching her where she wanted, where parts of her body still pounded. Then he lifted her and carried her to the creek bank. Put her down, and sat beside her.
“Kya, I want you more than anything. I want you forever. But you’re too young. You’re only fifteen.”
“So what? You’re only four years older. It’s not like you’re suddenly mister know-it-all adult.”
“Yes, but I can’t get pregnant. And I can’t be damaged as easily by this. I won’t do it, Kya, because I love you.” Love. There was nothing about the word she understood.
“You still think I’m a little girl,” she whined.
“Kya, you’re sounding more and more like a little girl every second.” But he smiled as he said it, and pulled her closer.
“When, then, if not now? When can we?”
“Just not yet.”
They were quiet for a moment, and then she asked, “How did you know what to do?” Head down, shy again.
“The same way you did.”
ONE AFTERNOON IN MAY as they walked from the lagoon, he said, “You know, I’m going away soon. To college.”
He had spoken of going to Chapel Hill, but Kya had pushed it from her mind, knowing at least they had summer.
“When? Not now.”
“Not long. A few weeks.”
“But why? I thought college started in the fall.”
“I got accepted for a job in a biology lab on campus. I can’t pass that up. So I’m starting summer quarter.”
Of all the people who left her, only Jodie had said good-bye. Everyone else had walked away forever, but this didn’t feel any better. Her chest burned.
“I’ll come back as much as I can. It’s not that far, really. Less than a day by bus.”
She sat quiet. Finally she said, “Why do you have to go, Tate? Why can’t you stay here, shrimp like your dad?”
“Kya, you know why. I just can’t do that. I want to study the marsh, be a research biologist.” They had reached the beach and sat on the sand.
“Then what? There’re no jobs like that here. You’ll never come home again.”
“Yes, I will. I won’t leave you, Kya. I promise. I’ll come back to you.”
She jumped to her feet, startling the plovers, who flew up, squawking. She ran from the beach into the woods. Tate ran after her, but as soon as he reached the trees, he stopped, looked around. She had already lost him.
But just in case she stood in earshot, he called out, “Kya, you can’t run from every whipstitch. Sometimes you have to discuss things. Face things.” Then with less patience, “Damn it, Kya. Damn it to hell!”
A WEEK LATER, Kya heard Tate’s boat whirring across her lagoon and hid behind a bush. As he eased through the channel, the heron lifted on slow silver wings. Some part of her wanted to run, but she stepped onto the shore, waiting.
“Hey,” he said. For once he didn’t wear a cap, and his wild blond curls wafted about his tanned face. It seemed that in the last few months, his shoulders had widened into those of a man.
“Hey.”
He stepped from the boat, took her hand, and led her to the reading-log, where they sat.
“Turns out I’m leaving sooner than I thought. I’m skipping the graduation ceremonies so I can start my job. Kya, I’ve come to say good-bye.” Even his voice seemed manlike, ready for a more serious world.
She didn’t answer, but sat looking away from him. Her throat pulled in tight. He placed two bags of school and library rejects, mostly science books, at her feet.
She wasn’t sure she could speak. She wanted him to take her again to the place of the white frog. In case he never came back, she wanted him to take her there now.
“I’m going to miss you, Kya. Every day, all day.”
“You might forget me. When you get busy with all that college stuff and see all those pretty girls.”
“I’ll never forget you. Ever. You take care of the marsh till I get back, you hear? And be careful.”
“I will.”
“I mean it now, Kya. Watch out for folks; don’t let strangers get near you.”
“I think I can hide or outrun anybody.”
“Yes, I believe you can. I’ll come home in about a month, I promise. For the Fourth of July. I’ll be back before you know it.”