I love that she’s saying this but I don’t believe it.
“Give me a reason to stay,” I tell her. “And I’ll stay.”
She bites her lip. “Because I’m a fun person?” she asks unsurely.
“You can be, when you’re not . . .”
“Being a bitch?” she supplies.
I shake my head. “I only use that word when I’m really fucking mad, and I’m not even mad anymore, Gemma. I’m just . . . I’m tired. I can’t figure you out for the life of me, and I don’t think you want me to try. Things are just so weird now and I think it’s best if I just go. You and Amber will be a lot happier without me.”
“We won’t be,” she says, and I hear the sincerity in her voice. I have to ignore it. “Will you be?”
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “No,” I answer honestly. Because I don’t want to go, I just feel like I need to go. I need to move on and forget her and the big tangled mess I’ve gotten stuck in.
She grabs my hand and squeezes it tight. “Then please don’t go. I know I have issues and I’m trying to deal with them and it’s not fair that you’re caught in the middle.”
I step closer to her. “What are your issues?” I implore her.
She shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know. Everything.”
“Am I your issue?”
She shoots me a quick glance but doesn’t say anything.
I put my hand on her face, making her look at me again. “Am I your issue?”
“I . . . I don’t want to become attached to you,” she says, and I can see it took a lot of effort to admit it.
I frown though something inside me is growing warm. “Why not?”
She balks like I asked a stupid question. “Because.” She sighs harshly. “Attachments hurt when they’re taken away. You’re leaving.”
“So what?” I tell her. “I’m attached to you already and I’m still leaving. I almost left right now. Doesn’t mean that the pain negates everything, that none of this was worth it.”
She swallows, looking surprised. “You’re attached to me?”
I shake my head incredulously and run my thumb over her lips, marveling at how fucking clueless she is. “Gemma, Gemma, Gemma,” I murmur. “I told you how I feel about you. I told you why I’m here. Of course I’m attached to you. And I know very well that I’m leaving, but that isn’t stopping these feelings from happening. In fact, it only makes it sweeter, stronger, because I know we don’t have much time together.”
She seems to take that in. I want her to believe it so badly. I have never in my life been so open with a girl. Always in the past it was my girlfriends or random chicks that wanted more from me, wanted a piece of me. I never wanted shit from them. But being with Gemma is like getting blood from a stone, and I may be a fool for trying but I finally understand what it’s like to be on the other side.
She relaxes a bit, her eyes softening. I’m think I’m finally getting to her.
“At the very least, we should be screwing each other’s brains out until I get on that plane,” I say with a smile, pressing my thumb into her wet mouth. I could definitely screw her right here. I spy some sturdy trees over her shoulder. If not, she could easily get on her knees and suck me off. She was good at that.
She bites my thumb then pulls back. “So you’re not going.”
“Are we going to screw each other’s brains out?”
She smiles coquettishly, which makes my dick harder. “If you’d like.”
“Sweetheart, it’s what you’d like,” I tell her. “And if I remember correctly, you liked it an awful lot.”
She seems to consider that. She looks over at Mr. Orange. “Maybe we should wait until Amber’s not with us anymore, or at least until we’re at my mom’s and we’re not all cramped in the bus together.”
I cock my head and give her a blank look. “Are you serious?” She’s saying yes to sex and now we have to wait?
“It will make things super awkward and weird, don’t you think?”
“Gemma,” I say with a laugh, “it’s been super awkward and weird as fuck for weeks now. This is the most uncomfortable road trip I have ever taken in my whole life, and I’ve been stuck in a car with my divorcing parents and my sister for a trip across the province before.”
“Three more nights,” she reiterates. “Two in Kaikoura, one in Masterton, and then we’re home in Napier for Christmas.”
I squeeze her hand. “No promises,” I tell her gruffly. But secretly I’m grinning inside. For her I could wait forever.