Amber goes in first and shrieks a bit as she steps into the water. I follow behind, and even with the wet suit it’s still a sharp, biting cold that seeps under my skin. It’s a bit unnerving to be going into water where you can’t see the bottom at all. Everything is unnerving right now.
Getting into the tube itself is also a bit of a challenge, but once I’m in I do as the others did and hook my legs over Amber’s shoulder. She grabs hold of my calves, holding me to her, which in turn keeps the rim of my inner tube pressed against hers.
To my relief, it’s Gemma who comes floating from behind, bumping into me. I turn my head and try to glance at her. Without my light shining directly on her she’s cast in shadow, but I can see the whites of her eyes reflecting in the dark.
“Wanna hook up?” I ask playfully.
I can tell she’s smiling. That’s something.
“You can have my legs,” she says as she carefully places the backs of her knees on my shoulders. I wrap my hands around her calves, holding her firmly to me. It shouldn’t be strangely intimate, and yet it is. I half expect Nick to tell me off for touching her, but there’s not much he can do about it here.
“This is like a PG version of the human centipede,” I joke, to which Amber laughs.
“Seriously Josh, you have the worst taste in movies,” she shouts back at me, her tone flirty.
“Hey, I’m not saying they’re good films,” I protest.
“Stop your yapping and hurry up,” Blair yells from somewhere up front, his voice echoing off the walls. “We’re ready.”
“I’m going to punch that fucker,” Nick growls from the back, still sore over what happened earlier.
Gemma’s legs tense under my grip. “Nick, stop.”
“All right guys,” Blair says, projecting his voice so it reaches us. “Lean back and let the current take you. I’ll be in the front, leading the way. Keep your arms inside the tubes at all times and hold on to your partner. If you bump into the wall or get stuck, just gently push off. If anyone starts panicking, just call out and we’ll all stop. It’s going to get very dark, very narrow, and very low in places, but the cave opens up often, so there’s always relief. So keep your heads back and look for the glowworms. Enjoy the black-water rafting.”
There’s a twinge in my stomach as the adrenaline builds. I tighten my grip on Gemma’s calves and she gently presses them into my chest.
We float, slowly at first, moving together as one, like a giant fish. It doesn’t seem possible but it really is getting darker, so dark that even the light from our headlamps seems to be swallowed up. No one is talking but I can hear their breaths echoing off the low walls. Even though the water is cold, Gemma’s contact keeps me warm. All I can think about is how close she is, and I lament the layer of wet suit between my hands and her skin. I want to feel her again. This is my only chance. I slowly run my hands up and down her shins, gently squeezing her calves as I go.
I know I shouldn’t be doing it. I know it’s risky, wrong. It’s not a friendly gesture, and I think she knows that. But I’m still doing it, still massaging her as she’s draped over me, with her own boyfriend draped over her. With each press, I’m trying to tell her something in case she doesn’t know it.
I want her even though I know I can’t have her.
But it doesn’t change anything. So I keep feeling her as much as I can while the river below us twists and turns until a collective “oooh” rings out from in front of us. The walls above us suddenly widen and it feels like I’m staring at a giant night sky.
Everywhere I look there are bright blue-white dots of glowworms shining down on us. They reflect faintly off the water, and it’s as if we’re astronauts, soaring through the Milky Way. I briefly think about Vera and her love for astronomy. She would love to float among the stars like this.
“It’s beautiful,” Gemma whispers in awe, so faintly that I can barely hear her.
“Don’t you have this all over your country?” I ask, still massaging her legs.
“I’ve never seen it like this before.” Her voice is full of childlike wonder that does funny things to my gut. She almost sounds vulnerable. My fingers tighten.
As the cavern widens, the ceiling lifting, the walls stretching out, the current slows down and we’re no longer moving in a perfect line. I can see the dim lights of the group in front of us, but they seem farther away than they should be, their voices growing fainter.
“What’s the hold up?” Nick grumbles, and I hear a splash from behind me.
Gemma says, “Nick, what the hell?” and I turn my head to see him loose and floating past us, his hands paddling him along.