Where Sea Meets Sky(113)
That’s all, he says. But that’s everything. How is it that being loved is even scarier than being in love?
I swallow hard and close my eyes as he wraps his arms around me. He’s so good to me, too good to me. I don’t belong with this man, not me with my heart of ice and he with his soul of fire.
The breeze off the bay is coming in colder now and I’m suddenly aware that we’re both naked in the sand and not too far away from the house. I’d hate for Uncle Robbie to make a discovery with his flashlight.
“We should go,” I tell Josh as I pull away.
He can’t hide the disappointment in his voice. “All right.”
Even though it’s for the best, my heart sinks a bit and I feel bad that I can’t say anything that he wants to hear. I lean over, grab his face and kiss him.
“Happy New Year,” I whisper to him.
“Happy New Year,” he whispers back.
Chapter Twenty-Two
JOSH
I have the mother of all hangovers. It’s the kind that keeps you stuck to your bed, to the beach, to the grass, to whatever place you happen to wake up in, and you can’t move because you know if you do, all the painful parts that make up your brain will become dislodged, bouncing around like razor-blade pinballs, and you’ll soon wish for a swift and painless death.
I blink, staring at the ceiling. Gemma and I are in the small guest room at Pops Henare’s house. She’s squeezed in between me and the wall, sleeping soundly. I hate her for it. I know now that I’m up, I won’t be able to fall back asleep, and I’ll have to suffer.
My phone rings, the sound like bullets exploding in my head. Who is calling me? Why did I drink all that champagne and smoke all that weed?
Why did I tell Gemma I was in love with her?
She moans beside me, pulling the pillow over her face. I reach into my pockets because of course I’m still wearing my clothes from last night, all covered in sand, and pull out my phone.
It’s Vera. And holy shit, it’s already one in the afternoon.
“Hello?” I answer and try to get out of bed, lifting Gemma’s leg off of mine.
“Josh?” she asks. “Happy New Year!”
I mumble something into the phone and then shuffle my way down the hall and out the back door. I can hear people in the kitchen and someone, probably Pops, watching TV, but I can’t even begin to socialize. I walk outside into hot, blinding sunshine. It’s like knives to my brain.
“Josh, are you okay?” she asks. “Don’t ruin my buzz.”
“What time is it there?” I mumble as I make my way to the chairs overlooking the beach. I’m squinting so much I’m almost legally blind.
“It’s one in the morning. We’re twelve hours apart, remember? I thought you’d be up by now.”
“Well, as you can hear, I’m awake,” I tell her. “Are you with Mateo?”
“Of course! Want to talk to him?”
Before I can tell her that I can’t process his accent right now, I hear a muffled sound and then his voice on the other end.
“Happy New Year, Josh,” Mateo says. His accent is always a lot milder than I remember. “How is New Zealand?”
“Great. I’m hungover.”
“Well, I am sure Vera and I will be tomorrow. You are enjoying yourself, yes?”
“I think a little too much, actually.”
“Then you’re really living life now.”
I can almost hear his grin. I nod and wince at the pain my head causes me. I’m living life for once, and it’s a bit terrifying. “That I am,” I tell him.
“Then keep it up, it’s worth it. Believe me.” There’s a pause and I hear Vera in the background. “Okay, I shall let you go,” he says and we say goodbye. Vera comes back on the line.
“How are you and Gemma?” she asks.
I would much rather talk about her and Mateo. “We’re good.”
“Anything happen since Christmas?”
“Been doing a lot of traveling,” I tell her, which is true.
“Does she make you happy?”
I laugh. “She’s driving me crazy.”
“The good kind of crazy?”
I sigh and look at the sand where we made love last night. Where I told her that I love her. Where she didn’t say it back.
“I’m not sure,” I say. “All I know is I’m not ready to leave her.”
A weighty pause rests in the air and then she says, quietly, “So don’t.”
“It’s not so simple.”
“Sure it is.”
“Vera,” I warn her. “This isn’t like you and Mateo. You knew how you felt and you knew how he felt. That was easy.”