When You Wish(3)

But even with that, Chance was not quite sure how to respond to Alexis’ statement. So instead of saying anything he waited. He wanted her to be able to say what she needed to say before he responded.

“I know it sounds silly, but we’re not married yet. Don’t get me wrong…I love making love to you, but it goes against everything I believe in…the way I was raised…it makes me feel ashamed.”

Seeing how serious Alexis was and hearing the depth of anxiety and pain in her voice, Chance got a better understanding of what was bothering her. But he didn’t have the same kinds of convictions. Chance wasn’t born and raised in the church, and really hadn’t given too much thought to the whole religion thing until he got with Alexis. Once he started to fall for her and saw how important her faith was to her, he beganattending church. Sure, he, too, heard the pastor preach against fornication and saving one’s self for marriage, but he didn’t have the same kind of fire and brimstone reaction to it like she did. Maybe he hadn’t taken the pastor’s preaching seriously enough or maybe he felt like it wasn’t that big of a deal. If God was so forgiving, he could forgive this, too, right?In Chance’s mind, the actual marriage was just a formality. When he committed himself to just being with Alexis and nobody else, the real commitment was already made. Apparently Alexis didn’t feel the same way.

“I wish I could say I understood Lex, but I don’t. I mean, we are committed to each other. We’re getting married in a month. I know it may not be biblical down to the letter, but I can’t say that me sharing myself with you is wrong. I just don’t see it that way.”

She listened intently to what Chance had to say. She appreciated the fact that he didn’t minimize her feelings - another reason she loved him so much. But it was significant to her,and she needed him to respect that.

“Chance I need for you to understand. It may not seem like such a big deal to you, but it is to me. How can I enjoy us and at the same time be afraid for my soul? The conflicts in my head are getting to me.”

“Are you worried about what people are going to say?”

“No, it’s not about other people. They don’t have a heaven or a hell to put me in. It’s me, Chance. I thought I could just overlook the feelings, but I can’t.”

She was serious and he knew it. He had noticed something wasn’t quite right before – how quiet and disconnected she seemed after they made love - but now he knew why.

“So what are you suggesting Lex? I mean it’s not like we can go back in time and change it.”

“I know we can’t. A part of me wishes that we could though, you know. But the other part of me wouldn’t change a thing. I know so much more about myself after being with you in that way. I know what pleases me, what turns me on and what makes me happy. I wouldn’t have known any of that if I had never totally given myself to you.”

“So what are you saying then?”

Alexis wasn’t sure how Chance would receive what she had to say next. She was a bit fearful that it would be a huge problem, and he wouldn’t go along with it. All she could do was hope for the best.

“Well, I know we can’t turn back time,” she began hesitantly, “but we could try to do better from now until our wedding night.”

“What…what do you mean?”

“What I mean is we could, you know, abstain until our wedding night…”

Chance took a few moments to let her suggestion settle into his mind. He didn’t want to be too hasty in his response.

“Let me make sure I understand exactly what you’re suggesting.” Alexis looked at him with eyes pleading for understanding.

“You’re saying we should not have sex until we get married. Is that right?”

Alexis slowly nodded her head in the affirmative.

“Lex, for real?I mean I don’t know if I can do that. You can’t just give a brother the goods and then take it all away just like that! I mean when are you suggesting we start…or stop…or whatever? You don’t mean now do you?”Chance was getting flustered.

Alexis smiled innocently in hopes she could convince him to go along with her proposition. Her smile always had a way of breaking through to Chance.

“There’s no time like the present!”

“Aww hell naw, Lexi! Come on! Like you said, we can’t go back so we might as well keep everything just like it is.”Chance moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her naked body. Immediately she felt that old familiar electric charge coursing through her. This is gonna be harder than I thought. Alexis wanted Chance to know how important this was to her, so she did her best to resist the temptation.