Ed and I exchanged glances. This was distressing to hear, but at the same time not unexpected.
‘And the second incident?’
Ed Kowalsky leaned still further, looking as if he would like to take a giant straw and suck Jana up in one big gulp.
‘It’s probably nothing, really. It’s just that I was reprimanding Lisa – that’s my eldest – about something. I can’t even remember what it was now. Laurie was in the room colouring or something, but I hadn’t really been aware of her, you know. Then all of a sudden Lisa says, “Mommy, what’s wrong with Laurie?” and I looked and she was just standing there with this really kind of weird expression.’
‘Weird?’ I queried, wanting to understand.
Jana shrugged her shoulders.
‘No, not weird – she’s only four years old. More like disturbing. It was a kinda set expression like someone much, much older. But it was her eyes that were the problem. It’s like they were totally empty, like there was nothing there.’
‘Did she say anything?’ asked Ed.
‘She was muttering. I think she was saying something like “bad Lisa”. Or “Lisa’s been bad”. But it wasn’t really what she was saying as much as that dead look on her face.’
‘How long did it last?’ I asked.
‘Oh goodness. Really not long, at all. Minutes. Seconds even. Then she was completely fine again. And like I say, most of the time she’s a little doll.’
‘And still no curiosity about her parents? Her brother?’ My voice stumbled over the last word as if it contained an untruth.
‘Like I said before, she mentions them from time to time but mostly in terms of things. Like she’ll see someone wearing red shoes and say “Mommy has red shoes”, or like when I was reading the other night, she said, “Daddy has lots of books in his study.” But she doesn’t really ask about them in terms of where they are. Debra, the child welfare officer, has told her that sometimes parents aren’t very nice to their children and when that happens they have to go away for a while – and she seems to accept that without question. It’s kinda scary.’ Jana paused and bit down softly on her bottom lip.
‘Scary?’ Ed repeated.
‘Well, Lisa and Barney are my whole world. If I was separated from them it’d be like my life was finished. It’s hard to believe that they could be separated from me and for them it would be like I was just this person who came into their mind when they saw a particular colour of shoe.’
After Jana had left with the two children, hyped-up and fractious after their soda, Ed Kowalsky and I played back the recording of the session and made notes in silence. Eventually Ed sat back in his chair and clicked the end of his pen thoughtfully a few times before speaking.
‘I’m encouraged by how Laurie seems able to compartmentalize her experiences,’ he said. Click, click, click. ‘That suggests she might be capable in future of separating off those parts of her psyche where the damage lies.’
I nodded, but more because I was programmed to nod when someone senior was talking than because I actually agreed with him.
‘But don’t you think, Profess— Ed . . . that there’s also a danger that she might be suppressing her thoughts, rather than dissociating from them? And could that kind of extreme suppression lead to psychological problems further on down the track?’
He leaned back and crossed one leg on top of the other, ankle to knee, in an oddly suggestive way.
‘I understand where you’re coming from with that, but as you know, the optimal outcome for Laurie would be if she was able to separate off the things that have happened to her and keep them separate until it’s as if they happened to someone else.’
‘But those behavioural patterns Jana mentioned – the aberrant reaction to punishment situations?’
‘I don’t think I’d call those a pattern, Anne.’ Click, click. ‘Jana stressed they were unrepresentative incidents. It might be that something was said – just a word, or a look even – that triggered a learned response. But the probability is, those triggers will fade now that she’s been removed from the source of them. I’m by no means complacent, but I am cautiously optimistic.’
I think it was then I felt the first prickling of unease. True, my name would be on this report alongside Ed’s – but what if the conclusions were his alone?
13
Chloe
Chloe had never had someone dislike her before. At school she’d been one of those girls teachers appoint to show the new kids around. She captained the school netball team and when they won the county trophy she was careful to stress it was not her victory but totally down to the other players. Boys both liked and fancied her, even if secretly they sometimes wished she’d let rip a bit more. And girls were generally happy to be her friend.