When It's Right(96)
“You don’t know what he used to be like.”
“He was a champion racehorse. I’m just asking you to give me a chance to prove to him that he still is. Do you know what it’s like to be beaten down and have to drag yourself back up? He needs this.”
No, Blake conceded, she needed this. She might think this was about Boots, but this had everything to do with her. Boots was healthy again. Gillian was healthy again. Gone were the nightmares that had haunted her nights for months. She didn’t see her father in others anymore and had even started to get to know her uncle over the last couple weeks. A good man, even if he was protective of Gillian and gave Blake dirty looks, warning him all the time not to hurt his “baby girl.”
Like Gillian, Blake imagined Boots had his own demons that haunted him. She saw that in him. She saw it in the other sick and injured horses. They responded to her. Boots wasn’t the only horse she took care of now. She had an innate ability to get them to trust her.
He closed the distance between them and laid his hand on her thigh. “Sweetheart, is this about Boots, or you? If you think you need to prove something, you don’t. You work hard on this ranch, and you’ve found your place. Aren’t you happy here?”
He thought she had enough here on the ranch, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe she needed something more, and it wasn’t here. The thought of her leaving the ranch to do something else terrified him. He loved working with the horses, couldn’t imagine leaving. Could he leave to be with her? An easy yes came to mind. For her happiness, he’d make a life with her somewhere else, doing something else. He’d find a way to be happy as long as he had her.
“Blake, I’m happy here. I love the horses and the ranch. I delivered a foal yesterday. Do you know how amazing that is? Boots is in championship form, and I had a hand in that.”
Gillian traced her fingertips along his jaw and watched the muscles bunch. No one had ever worried about her the way he did.
“Boots and I have a lot in common. We were both abused. We were both neglected. We were both rejected. I don’t have anything to prove to anyone but myself. I know you don’t understand, but it’s a constant battle to remind myself every day that I’m worth something when there’s a tape in my head playing my past. What he did to me. What he said to me. What he made me feel. It is still a part of me. I need to remember that I’m stronger than he ever made me think or feel. I’m stronger than anything he ever did to me.”
She looked out at the track and saw the reddish brown dirt, the white fences circling the inner field of grass. She imagined herself flying around that oval on Boots’s back and feeling the wind whip past her as she and Boots flew. The freedom of it called to her.
“I need to do this, Blake. I need to know that I can. I need to know that I gave something back to him.” She petted Boots from his head down his neck to his shoulder. He remained tense under her, like a spring ready to let loose. His anticipation became her own. He wanted to run.
“He needs to race and know that he’s stronger than anything that man did to him. He needs to feel like a champion again.”
“And what is it that you need to feel?”
She stared down into his warm eyes. “I already do. I’m loved, Blake. I’m loved by a great man who sees me inside and out and loves me for all that I am. The good and the bad.”
“Ah, sweetheart. I have no words for that. I do love you, and I hope you feel that every second of every day. I hope I never make you feel anything less than what you are. Perfect.”
“Not perfect, Blake. We both know I can’t be that. But I am strong and capable. This is different. I need to do this. I don’t know how to explain it to you, but I need to take him out on that track. He won’t do it otherwise. If he doesn’t race again, he’ll always wonder. I want him to go out a champion. Not a horse that was abused and reduced to someone’s pet. He’s better than that. I know he is. Now he needs to remember he is.”
“You do know how fast he’s going to run around that track. You aren’t a professional rider. Have you even had him at a flat-out run?”
“Several times. I scared the hell out of Jeff the other day when we left him in the dust. I’m telling you, Blake, this horse can run.”
Blake hesitated. His hand clamped onto her thigh so tightly that she knew he held himself back from snatching her right out of the saddle.
She leaned down and whispered, “I’m not Abigail. I know Boots. I know me. If at any moment I think it’s too dangerous, I’ll rein him in. I promise, being safe, being with you is more important than any race.”