When It's Right(21)
Pull it together, Gillian. Don’t lose it now. You’re just tired. Don’t let Justin see you break down.
She turned, took his face in her hands, and kissed him smack on the mouth. “I love you, baby. I’m not crying. I’m just really tired. Let’s go get your bath done. I’ll give you some medicine to make you feel better, and it’s off to bed. We could both use some sleep.” She stood and almost lost her balance again.
Blake didn’t touch her, but grabbed her cast to hold her up straight. “Easy now. Come on, Gillian. I’ll walk behind you up the stairs. That way, if you fall, I can catch you.”
“Nobody needs to catch me. I’m fine.”
“Yeah, you look it.” His irritation came out in his voice. “Stubborn,” he said under his breath, but she heard him.
“Yep.” This time, she met his gaze, and they shared an intense stare-down. He wanted her to give in. Not her style, but wouldn’t it be nice to let someone rescue her? Especially if that someone turned out to be a handsome cowboy. The idea appealed, a lot. Okay, so she wasn’t exactly immune to his charms. He didn’t have to know that. Besides, she had no experience with men, especially one as old and experienced as Blake. Better to stick to the real reason she was here—Justin.
Bud and Dee showed Justin up to his room. Gillian took the stairs at a much slower pace. “Maybe we can get you some fire truck sheets to match your backpack,” she heard Dee suggest to Justin.
Then Gillian heard Justin jumping on the bed upstairs and chattering about it being the biggest one he’d ever seen. “I can’t believe it’s all mine.”
Over her shoulder, she told Blake, “Justin shared my twin bed with me in the apartment once he outgrew his playpen.”
“I don’t know how you did it. You were just a kid.”
“He was just a baby. It wasn’t his fault his parents were useless drunks.”
So matter-of-fact. So sad that’s how she felt about her parents. “So you managed to go to school, and then home to him when he was a baby.”
“Yes and no. I would take him to a sitter in the morning and go to school. Then I’d go to work, and then I’d pick him up. Our father couldn’t be relied on to pay the bills or buy food, so I got the paperwork to set us up for some social services, and that helped with the rent and food. I had to pay him fifty dollars to sign the papers. Whatever was left from the state checks, he drank, smoked, or popped. The money I made I used to buy Justin clothes, food, and diapers. Without me, he’d have ended up in the system or dead. Our father wasn’t capable of taking care of himself, let alone a baby. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he dumped Justin with the first person who’d take him. For a price, of course.”
She struggled to get up the stairs. Blake stayed two steps behind her, and even though he had her bags in his hands, he was ready to catch her if she fell.
“You’ve done a great job raising him. Most fourteen-year-old girls are worried about their hair and if a junior or senior will ask them to the prom.”
“I wasn’t a contender for an invitation to the dance, let alone a date.”
“Why?” he asked, genuinely surprised. “You’re beautiful. I can’t imagine any guy passing up the chance to take you out on a date.”
She ignored the compliment. In her condition, let’s face it, he was just being nice. “Who wants to hang out with the girl who has a drunken drug dealer for a father and a baby to raise. I was a lot of fun on a Friday night. Poopie diapers, spit-up, and formula. It’s real easy to lose a lot of friends when your excuse for not going to the movies is that you have a baby to put to bed.”
“Do you regret it?”
She reached the top of the stairs and stared at Justin jumping on the bed in his room to the right. The smile on his face was enough to bring fresh tears to her eyes. “Not a single moment. Look at him. He’s happy. I could have kept him and taken off and started over. It would have been hard, because I don’t have anything. What little was left in the apartment I pawned or left. I brought him here because I want him to have a chance at a normal childhood. I want him to have that, and I will do anything to make that happen.”
“What about you, what do you want, Gillian?”
The intensity in his gaze said her answer mattered. For the life of her, she had no idea. Up to this point, she’d just been surviving and keeping Justin safe. She looked up at Blake, and although he was too close, she shrugged. She didn’t step back and found that she didn’t feel the need. That was something new.